"Severus," Albus said.

Severus was facing away from him, but knew Albus had entered his room. He was the only person allowed into his rooms.

Severus knew that tone. Albus was trying to be cautious, but the headmaster really didn't know the meaning of the word.

"Yes, Albus," he said, turning to face his friend and boss. "Or, going by the look on your face and in your eyes at the moment, should I address you as headmaster?"

A partial smile was followed by a shake of the older wizard's head. His blue eyes sparkled, so he was amused and not insulted. Severus wasn't trying to insult him, so that was good. "I haven't made you call me that in a very long time."

He was right. He hadn't. Of course he did when it was called for, such as at staff meetings and such. War over or not, there had to remain … doubt as to whose side Severus Snape was truly on.

It still could not be known by anyone that they were on friendly terms, anyone alive anyway, as Albus seemed to be less cautious around the portraits in his office these days.

However, privately. Merlin, second or third year? Severus couldn't remember for certain, but he knew it was after his first year that the formality had been dropped privately.

He wasn't in the mood for a trip down memory lane.

The past eight months had been … brutal.

Brutal was putting it mildly. He still wasn't fully recovered, emotionally or physically. Oh, he'd healed the wounds that had come as a result of various battles, but he had scars in some spots. And his mind was still … processing everything that had happened.

The war was over.

Voldemort had been defeated, but there had been losses on the side of the Order. James and Lily Potter were among those losses. Not all losses were deaths. Some had been so brutally tortured that their minds were gone, only the shell of the person remaining. Children were made orphans. Parents had been rendered childless. The monetary toll was steep, but some things couldn't be assigned a price tag.

Albus' testimony regarding Severus and his role was suppressed, so only a select few knew all of the details. It was Albus' attempt at protecting Harry Potter. Protecting Severus Snape was secondary, which Severus found he was okay with in this case.

Additionally, for some insane reason, Albus believed the Dark Lord might not be gone for good.

Not that he thought Albus was insane.

The very idea, though, that he would - could - return was paranoia to the extreme.

And yet this man had not been wrong about much of anything in the nearly eleven years Severus had known him.

That meant, despite his supposed defeat, and everyone else in the magical world (who opposed him anyway) celebrating, Severus Snape had to continue to spy. This was in addition to attempting to mourn his only friend without seeming pathetic. He had to continue to lead people like Narcissa Malfoy to believe he stood with the Dark Lord and his beliefs. Albus had gone so far as to request Severus visit some who were confined in Azkaban.

"What is it?" he snarled.

He didn't mean to sound unwelcoming, but he was ready to get out of this castle. He had just finished his first year as a Hogwarts professor. It hadn't gone terribly, but it hadn't been easy either. Starting to teach a difficult subject only three years removed from the time he left Hogwarts as a student proved trying, as a good many of the students remembered him. Some only knew of him from gossip from the events of the past year.

Most didn't like him. Many didn't trust him. More than most had little interest in Potions. There were a few who gained interest after a month or so, who seemed to recognize the … power and benefits that potions making could bring with it.

He found, oddly, he didn't hate it. Most of his students were idiots, but there were those few who had a head and ability for potions. They made teaching worthwhile. Even if it meant he had to watch like, well a falcon, the rest of the students to ensure they didn't burn themselves to a crisp, or set his classroom ablaze.

Not finding the profession as tedious as he expected or not, the year was (finally) over. And he was ready for some downtime. Some time to collect himself and his thoughts of how it all ended. Could he have done anything different so that Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom might have their parents to raise them?

He knew that was a … dangerous path to walk down. He could would have, could have, should have himself to death. He had done what he could. He had done more than was expected of him.

"Where are you going?" Albus asked. Severus couldn't read the tone behind the question, so he wasn't entirely sure what Albus was asking. And whether he was asking as a friend or employer.

"It is my vacation, my personal time, the last I checked. I didn't realize I had to provide you with an itinerary. Is that part of the price for my freedom?"

"You are right, of course. There were no conditions, Severus. I would have told you if there were. I am merely asking where you are going, my friend. There is no need to be so defensive. It's called chit chat. It's not new for us to engage in."

Severus huffed softly. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to tamper down his feelings. His anger. He wasn't angry at this wizard. Friends could be curious as to one another's comings and goings. It didn't mean something sinister was going on. It had been a very long eleven years. And his life prior to arriving at Hogwarts hadn't been a cake walk either.

"Of course, you are right. I'm not going anywhere in particular. I'll be back before you know it."

Other than the time away during his apprenticeship, he hadn't spent a summer away from Hogwarts since he'd arrived. He took brief excursions for potion ingredient collecting or some such. Sometimes, he took a day or two to get away to clear his head, get away from the castle for a bit, and recharge. It was a lonely way to see new things, though, so it never extended beyond a day or two. And he rarely felt very recharged, merely reminded he was alone.

"All right," Albus said.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No."

"The Potter boy is okay?" Severus asked. Merlin, it was … difficult to say that last name without scorn.

"Harry, Severus. His name is Harry, and he is okay. Thanks to you."

"I didn't do anything," he mumbled. He really hadn't.

"You did. You helped us catch Peter Pettigrew. He was prepared to let Sirius rot in Azkaban."

"Anyone would have done the same thing," Severus said.

"No, Severus, not anyone would have helped someone who spent seven years harassing and bullying them. Some might have believed they … deserved it. Not everyone realized the three of them were unregistered animagi."

"Well, Pettigrew was no innocent either. So it's not like I chose a white hat over a black hat. Anyone only had to see the two of them, Potter and Black I mean, to know that they would never betray one another in such a fashion. There had to be something else at work."

"You were the only one to see it."

Those very familiar eyes sparkled with that sentence. Something that Severus associated with not just Albus being amused, but proud of himself. Why he should be proud of himself that Severus made such a discovery, he wasn't sure. Severus had just followed the information, and his gut. Sirius Black was a lot of things. His mother would claim he was a traitor. Severus did not think the wizard would have betrayed James Potter in that way. Not so soon after Hogwarts anyway. Ten years down the road, if they'd grown apart? Maybe, but Severus had found no indication they'd had a falling out of any kind.

"I'm sure Lupin saw it. The werewolf probably … detected that it wasn't Black, but was too afraid of his secret being uncovered to say anything."

The twinkle in Albus' eyes diminished briefly. He saw something pass there that Severus didn't understand.

"Nevertheless, I am proud of you. It is a sign of a true man, a good man, indeed, who could put his biases aside."

"Thank you, Albus."

"Thank you, Severus. Sirius has said that you are welcome to visit young Harry at any time."

"That won't be happening anytime soon," he said.

He was curious about the boy, Severus couldn't deny that. He'd only seen him, from a distance, the night Voldemort was defeated. He was going to be two at the end of this month.

Lily's son.

He was James Potter's son, too.

And that was the crux of it. He couldn't separate the two.

Yet.

One day.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

He was his only friend's son. The only child she'd ever have. In part, he was ashamed he couldn't ensure her life wasn't snuffed out right after becoming a wife and mother. He wasn't sure he wanted a child, that child, to see the guilt in his eyes.

Of course, he might have cautioned James and Lily to refrain from, if not pushing their nuptials back, at least waiting to bring a child into the world until the war was finished.

Then what did he know? Maybe having a child amidst a war was precisely what the Potter's - and the Order - needed. The Longbottoms had a child the same age. As did Lucius. He was sure the Weasleys did as well, but that wasn't unexpected with that couple. There were other birth announcements the past year or two, as well, so clearly it was just him that thought waiting might have been best.

"Enjoy your respite then, Severus. I look forward to your return."

"Thank you, Albus. I hope your summer is calm."

Albus chuckled then. "That would be a refreshing change of pace, my friend."

Severus nodded then and Albus left his quarters.

Severus packed his bag, ensured everything here was ready for him to be gone for a long period of time. He was prepared to not set foot in Hogwarts until he had to over a month from now. He had no idea what he was going to do with the time. He had no plans. Nothing scheduled. He refused to return before he had to this year. No plans and nothing scheduled meant he likely would return before he had to, but he was prepared in the event he did not.

He made his way to his most regular apparition point in Northern London once he passed through the gates of Hogwarts, ready to be free of the confines of the castle for a little while. He loved Hogwarts, truly he did. It was his home, but after the past year, he needed some time away.

He had hoped with Voldemort's death that his life would return to normal.

Not that he knew what normal was.

His life, even prior to meeting Albus had not been normal. A drunk and abusive father. A mother who went through the motions, but more often than not failed in her attempts at being a mother.

He could admit now that he'd been removed from his home long enough, knowing he wouldn't go back, that his childhood hadn't been completely terrible. There were some good memories mixed in with the bad. At the time he was experiencing them, he hadn't seen the good.

He recalled planting tulip bulbs with his mum when he was … three or four. Digging in the dirt had been immensely fun. (Something he still got a bit of a thrill from, truthfully.)

He recalled his father taking him to the pub blocks from their house shortly before his sixth birthday, where they watched Muhammad Ali knockout Floyd Patterson in the twelfth round.

Less than 15 months later, shortly after his seventh birthday, they watched at the same pub as Muhammad Ali unified the WBC and WBA titles. (Oddly, to Severus anyway, his father had accepted Muhammad Ali's name change without saying one word about it. Severus remembered that, only because some men at the pub did have a less than favorable opinion on the subject.)

He recalled feeling like such a big boy going with his father. And that those there knew of him, as if he was a topic of conversation for Tobias Snape.

The good times weren't numerous, but they had existed.

His father had been killed by death eaters four years ago. Severus wasn't sure who had done it.

Yet.

It surprised him that he cared, but he did.

It had, oddly, been random.

Seemingly at any rate.

His father had been in the wrong pub at the wrong time. Severus had never let anyone (not even Albus) know that the death eaters had killed anyone that mattered to him. His mother had held on for a while after her husband's death, long enough to see Severus graduate from Hogwarts. It had been so important to her that he did so. Despite thinking her son was on the side of Voldemort. She'd perished within weeks of his graduation. Never knowing his true leanings.

And now Lily was gone, too.

He hadn't had time over the Christmas or Easter holidays to mourn the loss of his friend with trials and other cleanup post-war going on. So, now he was taking some much needed time. To mourn. To collect himself. To regroup. To figure out who Severus Snape was without those he'd lost that meant something to him.

Without being a spy.

He had no idea what that would possibly entail. His whole life since he was eleven had been to this end.

Story ©Susan Falk/APCKRFAN/PhantomRoses.com