***Chapter Sixteen***

July 1998

She was nervous.

She was excited, too.

She felt so many things that it was a bit overwhelming because she wasn't entirely sure what to focus on. That was unusual for her.

The past eight months had flown by. Nothing had changed and yet everything had changed. She didn't pick up where she'd left off with the extra credit projects, but she did join in on some. Hermione knew Draco wouldn't have cared if she had, but she thought it would look strange to everyone else if she did. And, well, she really did want to study for her NEWTs.

NEWTs that she was now done with and, anxiously, waiting for her scores. Severus seemed to agree with Albus' thought that she could get some of the highest scores ever.

That led to today. Her reward, if one could call it that. (She wasn't sure yet if she wanted to.)

Today would either be one of the greatest days of her life.

Or it would be really awful.

And she wasn't counting on it being awful. Really, she wasn't. He had been cautiously attentive, given their circumstances it was appropriate.

She'd been home for Easter Sunday, but despite that, like the (yellow) rose she'd woken up to on Valentine's Day, she'd woken up to one perfect lily on her bedside table. She had no idea how he had an elf deliver a lily to her here. (The idea of an elf walking through her very muggle home trying to find her bedroom had made her smile.)

With the lily there had been a small basket filled with a few of her favorite wizarding sweets. Nothing excessive. He knew her parents were dentists and frowned on too much sugar, but it was nice to be thought of.

She felt bad after the Easter gift that she hadn't gotten him anything this year for either holiday. He assured her he was not upset that she had not, that he enjoyed giving her the small tokens. He suspected that she would not give him anything in return.

That first evening back at school after the Easter holidays they agreed to go flying together in July. He had yet to see her in her Peregrine falcon form. He hadn't seemed to want to. Yet. She supposed she could understand that.

He hadn't hesitated scheduling their day together for the first day she said she could. Obviously she had to unpack and her parents expected a day or two of her filling them in on the last couple of months. She liked that he seemed anxious, too. Not that anyone would know that he was feeling anything different watching him.

Remus might. She'd caught him watching her curiously the last few months of the year. He knew. Sirius knew. Her parents because she couldn't lie to them. She hadn't told Harry yet, but would at the soonest opportunity. She wanted to wait until this. Their first time together where the professor/student dynamic didn't exist between them. For all she knew, they'd have a terrible time and realize they just weren't suited to spending time together. (She didn't think either of them was counting on that happening, but it could. One thing she knew about him as well as herself, they were realists.)

That would change today, as they were going flying, which was the cause for her nervousness.

What if she was wrong? What if she'd been mistaken on what she felt for him? What if he realized that and … laughed at her for thinking she would be his mate? What if he thought she did it as some way to trap him into something?

Well, there was no sense thinking that, because the more time she spent with him after Halloween, she was convinced she was right. It hadn't been endless hours together, but it was enough that now that they both knew. Well, it was pretty clear it was true.

She realized sometime over Easter break that the headmaster must know. How he knew, she wasn't sure, but she could think of no other reason for him calling her to his office. And specifically asking if Severus had done something. So, he knew.

It meant the headmaster trusted his potions professor that he didn't warn or threaten either of them. (Severus would have told her if he had when they talked about it after Easter.)

He apparated into her backyard, bringing her out of her thoughts. That was good because she was ready to not think for a while. She was a little surprised he apparated and didn't fly, but maybe he wasn't certain she still wanted to go flying with him.

For that matter she wasn't sure she wanted to.

"Giving me the chance to change my mind."

He smirked, clearly realizing she was teasing him. "You could change your mind regardless of which form I came to you as."

"I know."

"May I make a request?"

The question was almost whispered, as if he wasn't sure he was … allowed to ask something of her.

"You can," she said. She sounded suspicious, she knew she did. What did he want that he wasn't sure he could or should say?

There was that smirk again. Bigger this time. More confident, as if her answer emboldened him. Interesting. She was glad to know he might be nervous, too.

"Might I see you in your falcon form?"

"Oh," she said, blushing a bit. What did that mean exactly? It must mean he wanted to see it. Obviously. "Yes, of course."

"Before you do that, as I will transform almost immediately after you. Your parents are aware of what we're doing?"

"Yes, I told them."

They had been a bit aghast that such a thing was possible, but trusted her to say she wasn't as upset as she might have been if her mate had been someone else. They understood it didn't mean they had to get married tomorrow. She would still have a future. She would still use her mind and her education.

"Everything?"

She blushed again. "Yes, they are aware."

"And they are all right with this? Our being alone like this? I don't need to speak with or meet them first?"

Ah, yes, he was thinking he was going about this the wrong way by seeing her outside of Hogwarts without talking to them beforehand. She was muggleborn, her parents were muggles, so she didn't see that as necessary. She understood why he might. She was glad that it occurred to him he might need to.

"Until you give them a reason not to be, Severus, yes. They may not know you to trust you, but they know me and Harry well enough to trust us. They know we are friends. And I'm over eighteen, nearly nineteen, and done with Hogwarts, so there's not much they could do anyway."

"You've told Harry?"

Oh, he didn't like that. She wasn't sure why, but could tell he didn't. Or did he just not want Harry or her parents to think of him in such a way? She could see where that would bother someone like him. He valued his privacy, especially with all of the rumors about him over the years. Certainly, he presumed people would find out about them. Eventually. She understood at this point that a them was more an idea than fact. Friends. They hadn't talked of a formal courtship or a potential future. She wasn't ready for that, and she didn't think he was really either.

Harry had spent more than one night at her home over summers since the end of their second year. He told her all sorts of things about the magical world, the war involving Voldemort, and this man that she hadn't found in books. It was very interesting. She'd stayed at his home, too, with his godfather. A flirtatious man to the point of irritation at times, but he seemed overall harmless. She'd never taken his flirtations seriously or felt unsafe. (She felt a little better thinking that the woman she'd seen Severus with in Diagon Alley almost a year ago was his witch, knowing that Sirius had pretty firmly believed it to be true, too. It meant she hadn't jumped to conclusions based on one moment in time. Well, she had, but Sirius and Draco had seen them together multiple times.)

And Sirius was how she knew what she felt being around Severus was different. Baser. He'd touched her while they were doing something in the kitchen and she'd never felt anything but what she felt touching anyone else's hand or arm. That wasn't true with Severus. When he'd touched her on Halloween, she'd felt as if she wanted to jump out of her skin. Or into his arms. (Obviously neither would have been wise.)

"About this," she said. "Don't be daft. Of course not. He's told them about my extra credit work, though because they were concerned, I guess, that I was getting into trouble that they didn't know about, that I was working so much for extra credit."

He nodded then, clearly not wanting to say more on the subject. Best to get on with this. The reason he was here.

She concentrated, as it had been a few months since she had transfigured herself. There wasn't much use for it at Hogwarts.

She felt the change, it was still a bit unsettling for her. Much like portkey travel, it just felt weird for her body to do what it was doing.

He stooped, offering her his hands and she hopped onto them and he stood then, regarding her. It was more than a little off putting. He was looking rather closely.

"You are lovely," he whispered.

If she was in her usual form she'd be blushing profusely.

"I've only seen pictures of myself and others like me in the wild. A loner by nature, I haven't traveled or hunted with any, so I've never taken the time to truly notice." He ran a finger under her beak and stroked the feathers along her head. She gave a kack at the attention.

"You are a bit bigger than me," he whispered.

She'd read that in her research, that the female was typically taller and thicker. The males were built to be more aerodynamic, designed for hunting. Fitting, she supposed since the peregrine typically mated for life and the female would be responsible for caring for the young. She saw it, too, when she'd tried talking to him at her house. He wasn't conscious then, so didn't remember. Obviously.

"All right, I thank you. I know that I would not enjoy showing my form to anyone. That is the wartime spy in me who doesn't want anyone to recognize me," he said, as he gave her tail feathers a gentle touch. He set her down and she gave another kack as he went about his own transfiguration.

"You have flown, correct?" he asked.

"I have, sure. Around Minerva's classroom and she took me out by Hagrid's hut a few times."

He nodded his head then. "Well, then, there is a park I have been to. You stopped me from eating an ill mouse there once."

"That was you!"

"It was. I didn't know you at the time, as you weren't a student yet, but I remember feeling your magic. That was what stopped me from devouring the mouse, more so than your words. You have, in essence, saved my life twice. And until now, I wasn't able to say so."

"The undetectable extension charm," she said, piecing together that was a form of thank you.

"Correct. I couldn't say thank you outright."

"Well, I'm glad that I helped. At the park, I mean. My father reported it."

What were the odds? How strange. And it made her think maybe there was something to this Fate business. As if their paths were meant to cross.

"Shall we start with flying there then? It's not far from here. You know it, and the vicinity. I will stay behind you in case something happens."

"Oh, okay," she said.

"It will be fine. I promise. As a spy, this form has come in quite handy. No one pays a bird any attention. And no one knowing I was an animagus was helpful, too."

"Yes, sometimes I wonder if Minerva deliberately didn't file the paperwork right away."

And with that statement, she realized how Albus surmised she was Severus' mate. Surely the headmaster would have been informed a student had completed their animagus training. And that she was, like Severus, a peregrine falcon. She hadn't thought of that until just now. Stupid not to have.

"Minerva can be crafty that way, and she probably wanted to give you the chance to decide. If you weren't going to use it, there wasn't much point. I realize the Ministry may see it differently, and she wouldn't do that for anyone but you. Harry perhaps."

"Right."

"All right. We've stalled long enough," he said. He wasn't scolding her. She wasn't really stalling. He had to know that. "That park then?"

"Yes," she said.

"It will be fine. Come on now. Where's that Gryffindor bravery."

She huffed and extended her wings, her span just a smidge wider than his, and lifted herself into the air.

She got to the park without incident, landing in the wooded area she'd seen him in years ago. He joined her not even a few minutes later. She wondered after the summer he got injured if she was crazy for thinking the falcon she'd seen years ago might be him. He'd just confirmed he had been! She wasn't crazy.

Out here in the open like this, away from Hogwarts. She could get the … desire to want to fly. It was a great way to travel. She wasn't sure she'd rush out and admit that to anyone , including this man. And it didn't mean she was going to jump on a broom and start flying! It was rather … freeing, though. She could see so much. And it felt good.

"Okay," he said. "Certainly more capable than I've heard you are with a broom."

"You're hilarious, Severus."

"Even though you are not at all sincere in that statement, I will say thank you."

She groaned softly and he chuckled so he must have heard it. Interesting.

"Severus?" she asked when both were … oddly quiet.

"Yes?"

"What are the odds that you were going to eat that mouse in front of me?"

"The same odds that had me repeatedly stopping here for years. I imagine since before you were actually born."

"Really?"

"Really. It is actually what made me … accept what Remus said about you being my mate."

"It was?"

He hadn't told her that before. Interesting.

"I hated it. The spy in me knew that being consistent in anything could potentially be … deadly. Yet, I could not stop myself from coming here. This area. At some point. Fate, whatever you want to call it, obviously had me hunting, or searching to sound less barbaric, for you before I even knew there was a you."

"That's kind of sweet."

He huffed and she laughed.

"As long as you don't think I would have done something untoward."

"Obviously not. You were nearly close enough for me to touch that day when you were hunting the mouse. You did nothing."

He bobbed his head in agreement.

"And you knew I was me the entire time you were at our house that summer."

"You are right."

She closed the distance between them, as a thought occurred to her. She rubbed the side of her head against his.

"What was that for?"

"Maybe I just wanted to?"

"I'm not sure I believe you."

"I'm sorry that you had to wait so long." Years. People assumed he was pining for Lily, a married witch, for years. She knew that bothered him. She knew it was what he and Albus wanted people to believe, it didn't mean he liked it, though.

He scoffed.

"I am not. So please don't be."

"All right."

She wasn't sure why he wasn't. She hoped one day he'd tell her. She didn't think most people would want to wait for years to find their mate. Then she supposed, until recently, he didn't know he had one, so he hadn't known to be bothered.

"So I wanted to begin with a short distance where we were both aware of our destination. You did very well, but you knew that already. Now, pick a place, within reason. With the right air current, we could travel one thousand miles or more in a given day. However, I do not know your abilities well enough, and your parents would no longer trust me if we went that far today. And we're not traveling today. So, pick a destination, say, within twenty miles."

She nodded her head when she thought of an old abandoned estate property not far from here.

"All right. Now, turn your mind off. Don't think about when you'll be getting your NEWT scores, what kind of job offers you're going to get, what your parents think about our flying today, what you're going to do tonight, or anything else. Focus instead on how it feels to be where we are. In the sky. Flying through the air. Focus on what you hear. Focus on what you see. And, importantly, for times you need to hunt or flee from a predator, what you smell. For the next hour, be a falcon."

"You can do that?"

"I do, you witnessed me do it the day at the park. I, obviously, wasn't doing it very well the day I fell into your yard. Not to say you can't think of things, but that's part of what I enjoy about having this form. I can turn it off for a while and just enjoy being completely free of everything that makes me human. It has been … welcome many times over the years. I have felt for most of my life that I lacked control. When in this form, hunting or even just flying, I had the control."

"Except when you landed in my yard."

"Admittedly, I was not in my usual … blank frame of mind that day. So take from that what you will when I advise you to ensure your mind is clear."

"All right," she said, nodding her head again.

"Good. Again, I'll follow," he said.

She took flight again. It took her a few minutes to be able to do as he suggested and turn everything off. She was human. She wasn't a falcon, so it was hard to give those falcon traits dominance.

Eventually, though.

She concentrated first on the way the July sun felt on her back and the spans of her wings as she essentially … floated through the air. She focused on how that felt. To not have to use her feet to get around. The warmth that worked its way through her, the heat she felt from the sun being so far off the ground she usually stood on.

Next, she added in the listening. She heard an airplane not far off in the distance, and the rustling of branches of a tree as they passed over it. She heard the calling of a bird, and realized it was someone looking for its mate. She couldn't see the bird, but it was obviously close (hiding from them? Knowing predators were in the area?). Her heart grew heavy at that, hoping the male would find his female.

Last, she added smell. She could smell the leaves and the sky. It smelled familiar, like the outdoors, but it was different up here. Away from things on the ground that could alter what the smell. That same airplane, which had grown closer to them rather than further, she could smell the jet fuel emissions it produced, too. Just down there was a … rabbit, and it was frightened. Could it sense that predators were in the area? Oh, it smelled … delicious. If she swooped down. No, no, she shook off the temptation. That wasn't what she was supposed to do today.

Then, there, yes right there ensuring she wouldn't plummet to her death, was Severus' falcon just off to her left side, slightly behind her. Protective. She knew that he would not let her fall, or for harm come to her. He smelled familiar. Like home. Different from her parents and the house she grew up in. Or her bed after the sheets had just been washed.

This was … baser.

He was hers.

She started dropping from the sky at that realization and he sped up, circling her which did as she imagined he intended, getting her focused on flying again.

Clear your mind! This was her, not him, trying to remind herself to focus. She'd just never really thought it all the way through before this moment. She'd never felt it until this moment. Not like this. In this form.

Peregrine falcons mate for life.

She regained control, and could practically feel both concern and curiosity roll off him. She'd been doing just fine. Why all of the sudden did she start to lose control and fall? And it was concern, not ridicule. She knew that somehow.

Eventually, they found themselves flying over the abandoned estate she'd been leading them to. Rumors were it was haunted. She'd been here a few times since starting at Hogwarts and never encountered a ghost of any kind.

She supposed there were … spirits she couldn't see and things that she wasn't aware of, but she never felt anything.

They landed under an old chestnut tree, probably about twenty meters tall.

He returned to his human form first.

"What was that?"

She shrugged once she was back to being Hermione. "My brain working through things," she said. She wasn't sure how else to explain it. Or how deeply she wanted to explain.

"I asked you…"

"I know, and I did. It's just when I started smelling things…" she broke off here.

"Yes?"

"You are familiar," she said softly.

He stepped toward her then, sliding a hand to her jaw. "I know," he said. "I should have warned you, I suppose. As you already knew you are my mate, I didn't think it would be overwhelming."

"You smell it, too?"

"Since you told me what we are, yes. Today, more so."

"How do you deal with it?"

"I have no choice," he said with a shrug.

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever for?"

"That you have to…"

"I am not. Albus is, I'm sure laughing at me, but I am not sorry. I am glad you have allowed me to get to know you."

"I'd like to know you better, Severus."

"What would you like to know, Hermione?"

She cast a spell to clear the ground around them and took a seat. This area had obviously been a patio or courtyard or something back in the day. There were two lone sturdy wrought iron chairs left, placed near the foundation, as if waiting for someone to come home. She always wondered why no one had stolen them, and then wondered if people had tried. And failed. And that was where the haunted rumors came from.

"Tell me how you came to be a spy."

"That is really what you want to know?"

"Yes. I know what the books say. What people like the Weasleys and Malfoy have said. I'd like to hear it from you."

He sighed heavily, but followed her lead and took a seat beside her.

She listened as he told her, from the day Headmaster Dumbledore showed up at his house to take him school shopping before his first year to today. Eventually, as the story was a lengthy one, she moved to stretch out beside him, her head resting against his thigh. His seemingly mindless fingers combing through her hair was nice. And he obviously wasn't offended by her wanting to be close to him.

She knew some of it, through books about the war or Harry (and Sirius or Remus), but she didn't know plenty.

Both were silent for a moment when he'd obviously finished his story. Morgana the things he'd gone through mostly alone. Knowing only Albus Dumbledore stood between him and Azkaban. Or death.

"You are the only one who knows the truth," he whispered.

"I can see why."

"I still to this day, twenty-seven years later, have no idea how he knew. How he knew what to do, or that I would be the one to do it."

"Do you regret it?"

She asked. Some people would feel used. She didn't think he did. All of the time. Certainly sometimes he had.

"You know," he whispered with a soft huff, regarding her. Was this too much? Too intimate? Resting against him like this? They weren't doing anything. He hadn't even kissed her. She'd do this with Harry, so it didn't seem wrong. He offered her a small smile. She felt positively giddy. The man did not smile often. "In the late seventies, when I first got that Mark. I regretted it. Deeply. I regretted ever letting him entice me into knowing more."

She nodded slightly. She could see that. There was no going back after allowing yourself to essentially be branded for a cause.

"And now?"

"No, I have so much knowledge because of him. Access to books and memories that some would likely kill for."

"Will you teach me?"

He chuckled.

"I will indeed, everything you wish to know." He tilted his head back then and laughed. "And you like that idea?"

She wasn't sure what gave her away, but "yes," she said simply. Should she be ashamed? Should she not want to?

"He has not returned, obviously. He told me he wasn't sure he was gone for good. I think at this point he suspects he is, but I do not know."

"The what did you call them?"

"Horcruxes."

Hermione shivered. Just the idea of someone trying to split their soul scared the crap out of her.

"Yes," he said with a nod.

"Thank you for telling me."

"You deserved to know."

She didn't think he owed her anything, but was glad he thought it was something she should know.

She shifted then, moving to straddle him and slid her arms around his neck.

"I'm glad you think so," she said, leaning in to hug him. "I didn't ask because I thought I deserved to know. I really wanted to know. I'm proud of you, Severus. I'm so proud that I was chosen for you."

"You are a more than acceptable mate."

She smirked, knowing he was teasing somewhat, but also unable to … say more than that. He didn't feel comfortable.

"And I realize one day that answer will not be sufficient."

"As long as you smile when you say it," she said with a light laugh, resting her head against his neck.

"Did you like flying?" he asked.

She drew away.

"Yes," she said. "Your advice worked."

"Good. We will fly more this summer and when you are ready to try to hunt…"

"I smelled…"

"A rabbit," he said.

"Yes!"

"I did as well."

"And you do hunt when in that form?"

"I have. I don't always, but sometimes when I allow that personality to truly take over."

She nodded, eyes meeting his. Her breath caught when she realized that he was going to kiss her.

Finally.

She'd been kissed before. They weren't what she would consider real kisses. More curious. She'd say innocent. Wanting information.

This, though, as his hands cupped her bum and drew her closer against him on his lap as his mouth kissed her greedily, taking and taking. She gave and gave, meeting his lips with hers, a not very soft groan as their lips parted and the tips of their tongues met for the first time. Both drew away and then moments later met again, intentionally this time.

There was the curious again. Innocent. Gentle. Getting to know her, and how they worked like this with their tongues involved. Her heart was galloping in her chest, pounding as his hands at her lower back squeezed none too gently. He wasn't rough or hurting her, but it was as if he was using the pressure to make sure his hands remained where they were.

"Hermione," he said, hoarsely.

"Mm," she murmured, finding his lips again.

He pulled away after a few more minutes. She'd only seen French kissing done by people who clearly didn't know what they were doing. Or maybe those were the people she noticed doing it because they didn't know what they were doing. She always assumed it would be sloppy and gross. It was neither of those things.

"We have to stop, Hermione. This is still new to both of us."

"I know," she whispered. Eventually, he moved his hands from her waist and she moved to stand. She didn't want to, but knew he was right. Jumping into something physical wasn't the right thing to do. It would be too easy, and that would complicate things. She knew that.

"It's not that I don't want to," he said, standing now, too.

She slid a hand to his jaw, tracing his lips with the pad of her thumb. It would be easy to take it personally. To take his … rejection to mean he didn't want to. She could feel that he did want to. In fact, she dropped her hand and stepped away from him a bit, glancing at the front of his pants none too discreetly.

"I know."

He looked slightly uncomfortable at her eyeing him as she was. She wouldn't go so far as to say he blushed, but it was pretty close for Severus Snape.

"I'm glad that you do."

They returned into their animagus forms and flew a few other places before returning to her home.

"Thank you."

"You see the benefits in flying now?"

"It was … nice."

"Mm," he said with a slight smirk. "I take it I don't need to warn you that you should not attempt to fly long distances immediately on your own."

"No," she said.

"Well, that is good. I'd hate for something to happen to you."

"Thank you, Severus." She wasn't just thanking him for the concern, but taking her flying today. For kissing her. For making their first kiss something memorable. For today not being a disaster.

"You are welcome."

"You have been there before? Where we stopped?"

"Not in a while. I went there a couple of times when I was little with my dad. He likes exploring places like that, and it was close enough to our house that if I got bored, he could go home. I biked there a couple of times since going to Hogwarts. There are rumors of it being haunted. I wondered if I could see anything."

"Did you?" He didn't sound as if he was making fun of her.

"No. Now I didn't go into the cellar or anything."

His lips twitched a bit. She'd amused him.

"It would be interesting to return one day to explore. I definitely felt the residuals of wards there. Faint. They wouldn't stop anyone anymore, but there was clearly magic done there at one time. Likely before your parents were even born. Probably before mine were."

"I wonder if that's why those two chairs are still there."

"Could be." He sounded intrigued. Good! Maybe he'd go with her again.

"May I take you to dinner tomorrow night?"

She smiled widely, heart thudding at the question. That he'd managed to surprise her. She wasn't sure what she expected from him, but to ask to see her again tomorrow hadn't really entered her mind.

"As in a date?" she asked, unable to censure her thoughts.

"Yes, precisely."

"Well, in that case then, yes."

He scowled slightly, as if he wasn't entirely sure she was joking. "Excellent. I shall see you then. About six o'clock?"

"That works, so I suppose that you will."

"I know I don't have to apologize, but it was not my intent to kiss you today. That was not my reason for wanting to fly with you."

"I know. It's okay. It was nice."

She watched him leave, a little disappointed that he hadn't suggested when they could go flying again. She sighed. It was a stupid thing to get disappointed over when he'd just spent hours with her.

And he was taking her to dinner!

A date!

She had all night to process all that he told her. It was quite the story. If it was anyone but Severus who'd told it to her, she would think he was lying. Exaggerating. She knew, though, that he wasn't. It was the first time since realizing they were mates that she felt … proud to have been chosen as someone's mate, rather than thinking it was a completely barbaric, or archaic, way to allow magical men to control their women.

He wanted to teach her. He seemed just as interested in exploring that old estate as she was. He wasn't out to control her. That was very important to her, especially with their age difference.

Story ©Susan Falk/APCKRFAN/PhantomRoses.com