TITLE: All Alone
AUTHOR: Susan / apckrfan
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DISTRIBUTION: My site My site, AO3, FanFiction.net, LiveJournal, Yahoo Group. Anyone else, please just tell me where it's at.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters. They are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is made.
RATING: FRT
SPOILERS: Through Beauty & the Beasts (3x04)
SUMMARY: Buffy contemplates what the return of Angel means to her now that she has finally decided it was time to move on.
CHARACTERS/PAIRING: Buffy & Angel
DATE STARTED: October 2004
STATUS: Complete
WORD COUNT: 952
FEEDBACK: Please, I can't write better without it.
NOTES: This is a part of my fic for each episode endeavor. You can find a listing of all of the fics I've written for this project at: www.phantomroses.com/apckrfan/fanfic/BtVSfic/EpisodeFics/




Buffy twirled the stake around as she walked through the cemetery alone. She was not in the mood for company tonight, so she was glad none of the others offered to go along. Angel was back.

She could not be sure that thing she saw back at the mansion was Angel for sure. It looked like him but he was dead. Buffy had driven a sword through him, saving the world at the expense of her heart months ago. She had run away from Sunnydale, leaving her friends and her mother behind to worry over her safety because of her decision.

Twice now she had saved the world and it had cost her something. The first time against The Master it had been her life. The second time it had been her heart. Angel had taken any hope of Buffy loving someone with him.

"So why is he back?" She encountered a vamp at that moment. She was too distracted to toy with this vamp so she dispensed with him quickly. No matter how many vamps she dusted she never got over the rush that driving the stake home brought. It was invigorating, it made her feel alive. She supposed that was weird, that killing something would make her feel alive but that was the way it worked.

She was finishing up her patrol and decided to check on Angel. She had left packets of blood within his reach, but she was not sure how long those packets would last. If it was Angel it was nothing short of a miracle that he was back.

"So why haven't you told anyone?" She walked to the edge of the cemetery, another step forward and she would be on the mansion's property. She had avoided this place like the plague until the other night when she had come to say her good byes.

It had been the hardest thing to do. She knew her friends did not get it. How could they? She had lied to them because she had been unable to talk about it. It was just easier if they did not know. They did not ask questions or tell her how sorry they were. It was better that way.

It was terribly hard for Buffy to watch Willow with Oz and Xander with Cordelia. They were so happy and now with Faith in the picture, Buffy was beginning to feel like a sixth wheel. No one cared about Buffy's adventures because they had gone through them with her.

Accepting Scott had been difficult, but Buffy realized that she had to move on. She had to stop living in the past. She had hoped her heart would agree with her, but now that Angel was back just when she had decided it was time to put him in the past she was not sure her mind even agreed anymore.

"I have to move on. I can't get sucked back into it. No good can come of us getting involved again." It was her mantra and had been for the days since knowing he was back. "I'm doing the right thing," she whispered as she opened the door.

Her breath caught at the sight of him. He was resting on his side, his body stretched out with one arm extended above his head. He was still completely naked despite the fact she had left a pair of sweatpants for him to put on. The packets of blood had been torn so that all that remained were bits of plastic scattered around his body. She took that to mean he had woken up at some point and eaten.

She had to fight the urge to go to him, to hug him, to touch him, to kiss him. The memory of how his body looked, felt, tasted, and felt inside of her would forever be etched in her mind. There was no getting over that. All of the Scott Hope's in the world could not overthrow the place he had in her body, mind, and soul.

"Not of the good," she mumbled. She walked to the kitchen and took out some more packets of blood. There was enough to keep him fed for a week ordinarily, but he had gone through three days worth in less than twenty-four hours so she had apparently seriously underestimated his needs.

She set more packets of blood on the ground within his reach, checked to make sure the shackles were still secure. She cringed at the sight of the chaffing and red looking marks on his wrists, he had obviously tried to escape again. She hated hurting him but she had no choice. She could not have him running around Sunnydale, particularly naked.

"Good night," she whispered as she took a chance and touched him, kissing her hand first. He moved but did not seem to notice anything was different. She drew her hand away and left the mansion and made her way back to Restfield Cemetery in case anyone saw her. She knew eventually she would have to tell her friends and Giles Angel was back, but until she knew for sure that it was Angel and that he was not evil she would continue visiting him covertly after patrols.

~The End~

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