He couldn't sleep.
It wasn't nightmares keeping him from doing so tonight.
No.
It was Hermione's words.
"I know he's mentioned that there are some people, like Lavender Brown, who seem to not be accepting the wolfsbane potion anymore."
He had hidden his reaction to them, and even compartmentalized them to the back of his mind so that he could enjoy their evening together. Was it still a date with Harry along? He supposed it was.
He recalled coming face to face with Lupin. He'd seen the handiwork of Greyback and other werewolves over the years first hand.
No one should have to experience that. To feel that fear. Not to mention someone, like Lavender Brown who wanted to function as normally as possible, or so he presumed, should be able to.
So, was it the potion?
Was someone brewing it insufficiently?
Was someone doing it deliberately? Did someone want unmuzzled werewolves on the loose?
Was long-term use of the potion making them immune to it?
He was aware that could happen with muggle medications. He'd never heard of it happening with potions. That did not mean it couldn't.
And there was also the fact that long-term use of this particular potion hadn't been studied before making it available to those afflicted. Anyone taking it was, essentially, a test subject.
Still, it had been a couple of decades since its creation. He would think adverse reactions would have presented before now if they were going to. Then, he really had no idea how long a particular werewolf had taken it. There may not be many left of those who had originally taken the potion as test subjects.
Which led him back to: was someone doing it deliberately?
He showed up at her doorstep, three muggle coffees and some muffins from a nearby coffee shop in his hand.
"Hi," she said, frowning when she saw him standing there. He'd obviously woken her up. And she was no doubt wondering what he was doing here uninvited when the sun had just barely risen for the day.
"Good morning," he said, the frown still there caused him to put off the good morning kiss until she'd had time to wake up a little more. "Harry spent the night and is here this morning?"
"He is." His question made her frown more. Not surprising since he clearly wanted Harry to be here.
"I'd like to hear what he has to say about the wolfsbane potion."
She yawned, nodding as she stepped back, letting him in.
"Sure. I'm not sure he's awake yet either. I haven't heard him, but that doesn't mean he isn't I guess."
"I brought coffee," he said, holding the carrier up. "And muffins."
She snorted softly. "It's eight o'clock in the morning on a weekend morning, Noah. I'm a university student!"
"You are a graduate student, and for those of us who haven't yet slept, it's late not early."
She narrowed her eyes, seeming to assess him. He wondered what that was about. It was perhaps early to be rude to show up at her doorstep for a casual acquaintance, but he liked to think they were more than that at this point. He didn't know her mind yet well enough to know what she might be thinking at this moment. Something about him, that much was obvious. He refused to fidget, or let her realize that despite all she'd said and done, he was afraid she'd tell him to leave.
"You're not a morning person, are you?"
"I'm sorry?" What kind of question was that? He wasn't even sure how to answer it.
"You know, you don't endeavor to be awake with the sunrise every day for the rest of your life, do you?"
"Why?" Certainly he didn't, but he still wasn't sure the reason behind the question.
"I don't know," she murmured, giving him a slight smile. The smile relieved him. "That might just be a dealbreaker."
He tilted his head back and laughed. Relieved that was all she was asking him. And making a joke about it. At least, he presumed it was meant to be a joke.
"I see. To answer your question, no. I mean, I'm not offended by the idea of a lie-in. I also know how to be quiet when others are sleeping so as not to wake them."
She grimaced a bit, no doubt knowing why he knew how to do that. "That is good to know," she said simply.
He appreciated that. No apologies for Tobias Snape. He didn't need or want that from her.
He tilted his head a bit, regarding her. "You are joking, right?"
"About it being a dealbreaker? I'm not sure. Ask me after I've had that coffee."
"Mm," he said, removing a cup from the carrier and handing it to her.
"Bless you. I mean, if you're going to come here at this time, bearing coffee and muffins is a solid plan for getting me to actually invite you in."
"That was my thinking."
He stepped all the way inside then, walking toward the kitchen since he knew the way. She followed him. He turned to look at her when she seemed to be just standing there.
"What?" he asked. Had he truly done something wrong or unwelcome showing up here as he had? He had no idea. He didn't think so.
"You didn't kiss me hello."
"Oh," he said. "Well, maybe I was going to let you do that."
"Mm," she said, walking toward him and bussing him on the lips. She'd already taken a sip of the coffee, as evidenced by the moisture and taste on her lips. "Good morning."
"That is a much kinder response to my visit."
She laughed. "Unannounced, early morning visit."
"Yes, well." He lifted a hand to brush some hair away from her cheek. "Maybe I just wanted to see what you look like first thing in the morning."
"Noah! You've seen me after naps. It's not that much different."
"Not really. I've seen you after we've napped together as our cats."
"I suppose."
"Why is it all right to sleep together like that but not in these forms? I admit I'm not sure I understand."
"I don't know, Noah. You just learned something huge."
"I didn't learn it. I remembered it. There is a difference."
"Please don't be difficult. I'm trying to give you time to adjust. To make sure it's me that you want."
"Have I behaved as if I do not?"
She shrugged. He saw … doubt in her eyes and he sighed heavily. He cast a Muffliato around them.
"What?" This was in response to the shrug more than the look in her eyes. He knew his actions would gradually make that doubt dissipate. At least he hoped. The shrug, though.
"Noah. Please take a step back and see it from my perspective. I don't believe much in fortune tellers…"
"Nor do I, I assure you. It's not as if I frequented them. It was one time! I was willing to try anything to work out my place in the wizarding world after his first defeat. You think I'm here because of that?"
She shrugged again. Evidently, it had crossed her mind. He had no idea, though he supposed he couldn't blame her. He was here because he cared for her. Noah or Severus, she had wormed her way into his heart. By being kind and generous, and not just with him either. More than once she'd baked cookies or brownies at home, bringing in enough for the department to have some. Her reasoning was, she wanted to bake but didn't want to eat the results entirely by herself. "That combined with getting those memories back. It's a lot. I just don't want to rush into things that we might come to regret."
"So, you think that you will regret being intimate with me?"
She huffed, and her pupils dilated ever so slightly.
"Get out," she said succinctly.
"Hermione."
"I don't know if you're deliberately being obtuse or if your lack of sleep is prohibiting you from acknowledging that what I'm saying is valid."
"It's just all…"
"Get out. Go home. Get some sleep. If you want to continue this conversation later, we can. If I have done anything since October to make you think that …"
"You mean other than brushing off my offers to …"
"Because I at least suspected who you might be. I wasn't going to do that. That wasn't right. It, to my mind, would be no different than having sex with someone who had too much to drink. Lack of consent. Again. Get out. When you're thinking logically, let me know. I'll tell Harry you came by and are interested in hearing about the wolfsbane potion. I'm sure he'd like to talk to you about it as he hasn't gotten far without your input."
"Hermione," he protested.
"Get out. Really. It's too early for me to stand here and let you behave and speak like an arse to me!"
"I'm…"
"Save it. Please. I don't want you to apologize now. I want you to really think about what you just said, implied, and then you can come talk to me."
He looked over her shoulder, seeing Harry standing there, looking very confused.
"Great," she murmured, apparently having seen Harry, too.
"I'm going back to bed. If you two want to talk since Harry's awake now, go ahead."
He stepped toward her. He really hadn't meant it like that. He wanted that, though. With her. All of it. Yes, napping with her in their puma forms was more than just pleasant. He wanted her like that as Hermione, though. Was that wrong? He didn't think he was pushy. Expressing his desire for that to be added to their relationship wasn't pushy. At least he didn't think so.
He watched as she canceled his own Muffliato and left the kitchen. The slamming of her, presumably, bedroom door came moments later.
"Um, good morning?" Harry said.
"Mm," Noah said. "Are you awake?"
"Uh, yeah."
Noah couldn't help but smirk at his disheveled hair. Some things hadn't changed, it seemed.
"Let's go somewhere and talk about this wolfsbane potion problem you're looking into."
"Really?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Oh, but shouldn't you," he said, gesturing to Hermione's bedroom.
"She told me to leave," he muttered with a roll of his eyes. He just realized that Harry wouldn't have heard the conversation. "We argued about my wanting to be with her simply because of a fortune teller, my memory being restored, and our - lack of - an intimate life. She is perhaps right that I'm overtired and exhausted as I did not sleep last night. I also have seen her mad. I'd prefer not to lose her over something stupid. Pushing this now would be stupid."
"All right. Sure. Give me a minute. Your house then?"
"Unless your home is more conducive to relaying facts to me."
He smirked a bit at the clear surprise reflected in Harry's eyes.
"I presume you have things there that aren't here or at my home…"
"Oh, yeah, I just…"
"Unless you're sending out a patronus telling anyone I'm going to be there, I think it should be sufficient."
"Sure. I'll be ready in a minute." He eyed the carrier on the counter. "Is that coffee?"
"It is," he said. He waved his hand so the cup meant for Harry would be brought to the wizard.
"Thanks," he said, taking a sip before returning to his room.
He conjured a piece of paper and an ink pen.
My Dearest Hermione,
Upsetting or insulting you was not my intent. Forgive a man who has never truly felt wanted in his life for wanting to experience that with the person he sees a future with. And, yes, I do see that. Not because of a fortune teller, but because of you. Who you are. I'm taking Harry with me. Well, rather, Harry is taking me with him. If you wish to join me for dinner tonight at my place, send me a patronus. Out would be agreeable as well. Or I suppose you can just show up at Harry's.
Affectionately,
Noah
He folded it, rolling his eyes that he had to write such a note to begin with, but doing so on a piece of her notebook paper for school was odd. He found a magnet on her refrigerator and fastened the note underneath it after writing her name on it. Hopefully, she'd read it.
Merlin, he really didn't want her angry at him.
Harry returned a few minutes after he'd done that. He saw the note on the refrigerator and nodded slightly. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask the wizard if he'd stopped to talk to her, but he refrained. Evidently, though, Harry approved of the note.
"All right then. Lead the way."
"You're sure?" Harry asked.
"Again, unless you're going to broadcast it, yes."
"All right. Why don't we apparate to my backyard."
"I can do that?"
"I never took your access away."
He nodded. "Thank you."
And then the two wizards were gone.
*****
Hermione came out a while later, spotting the note when she went into the kitchen in search of the muffin Severus had brought earlier.
He'd left with Harry, so he hadn't left her.
She likely deserved for him to with the way she behaved. She'd blame being tired, but that wasn't totally her excuse.
She wasn't sure why she was putting off sleeping with him. Really sleeping with him. They certainly had done it enough in their puma forms. Those were always naps, though, resting after exertion.
She just really thought that he deserved more time to think things through, and she was to the point her heart would be pretty broken if things ended between them. Throw sex into the mix, and that would just compound that heartbreak.
She drew her wand, casting a patronus.
"I'm sorry I overreacted earlier. Dinner at your place when you're done with Harry sounds nice. I'll bring Crookshanks so he and Flux don't feel left out. See you later."
She watched as the puma darted off to deliver her message before casting a quick spell so the muffin would be a little warm. They were just better that way, in her opinion.
Hopefully, he wouldn't think she was a complete imbecile. His leaving with Harry pointed to that not being the case. He wouldn't spend time with Harry if he was going to break things off with her.
And, well, if he broke things off over one argument. Well, she probably deserved to know that now.
Story ©Susan Falk/APCKRFAN/PhantomRoses.com