***Chapter Five***

Hermione came awake suddenly.

Severus was straddling her, gripping her arms and whispering her name in her ear. 

And not in the romantic or sexual way.

She was crying and her throat was sore, a sign she'd probably been screaming. And for a while, too. This wasn't the first time she'd woken up with such symptoms since the end of the war. It was the first time she'd done it with Severus nearby.

She'd just assumed that sleeping near him, at what to her mind was their house, was keeping the nightmares at bay.

Evidently that was not true. Or the feeling of safety she had experienced for a while being in his presence again had faded.

"You are only dreaming. You are all right. I am right here. I am all right. We are here at Malfoy Manor. Wake up. Please," he murmured and seemed to repeat that. He sounded panicked and concerned.

It took her a moment to come awake to remember where she was and why. Who exactly he was and why he looked like this. She sighed softly, stretching a bit as she got her wits about her.

x.x.x.

"Is Potions Master Snape or Missus Potions Master and baby needing anything?" Dobby said from Leandra's side of the bed. The elf was wringing his hands, his ears moving almost wildly, seemingly concerned for the witch.

It was actually the elf who had alerted Severus to there even being a problem. Some protector he was, not even waking up to the witch he'd been seemingly fated to be with having an obvious nightmare. The woman he should protect! Merlin.

"I think we are okay now, Dobby, thank you for checking," Leandra said, looking at the elf. If Severus wasn't mistaken there was affection for this elf in the witch's eyes. He'd seen it upon their arrival, too, when the elf was showing them to their rooms.

"If you be needing anything, just call."

"We will, Dobby."

"Show me," Severus said as soon as the elf was gone. Yes, he was curious, but he also was hoping to get her out of whatever nightmare she'd been deep in. Some spy he was. "Show me how that elf earned that look in your eyes."

"Oh, Severus," she said, fresh tears pooling in her eyes. That hadn't been his intent.

She nodded her head then, and he dipped into her mind so he could see Dobby's commitment to Harry Potter and how that commitment led to her rescue at Malfoy Manor barely three months ago for her.

"He is so abused and he was so loyal to Harry."

"As were you, Leandra. I was afraid he'd hear me call you a different name and you weren't responding to Leandra."

"Next time try communicating with me non-verbally. I think that would work with us this close, even if one of us is sleeping."

"I will bear it in mind."

"Oh, Severus, the next twenty years…"

"I know, my witch. As I told you, then I mean, there are things we cannot change. If we change his situation now then who would rescue you. We don't know yet if that will still be required. We can't risk it. I will not risk it. I don't need to know much to know I wouldn't have stood a chance of survival without you. If you perished I think I would have likely given up hope."

"You wouldn't have."

"I can see from your memories, read from that letter I left for you, the notes we exchanged in our notebooks. I think I would have. Dumbledore would have had to find someone else to carry out the rest of his plan."

She sighed, letting her fingers slide along his lips, but the tears weren't subsiding. He had no idea what to say. He didn't know what to do to make it better. His witch. She was going to think he was a complete failure.

"I am sorry I am not the wizard you were expecting."

She sobbed then.

"It's not that, Severus. You are exactly who I was expecting. You're him. This," she spread her arms indicating their surroundings, "is what made you who you became. There was nothing stopping me from finding out about the baby and going back, forgetting this whole thing, taking the papers you gave me and running away to South America, or wherever. I didn't have to accept the bond with you. Then or now. I did it then because I told you I don't want another wizard."

"I realize."

That was a very heady thought. This witch wanted him. Yes, she had said yes, but wanting him hadn't been the reason behind them having sex now. Necessity had. She didn't want their child raised with the stigma of being illegitimate, soul marked parents or not.

Her eyes grew … hard for a moment. Red and still had tears shimmering in them, but hard.

"I swear to you, though, Severus Tobias Snape, if you're making love to me wishing I was Lily or hoping that she will leave James Potter for you then last night was the last time. You had almost twenty years to come to terms with your true feelings about Lily by the time I was around. You haven't had much time yet."

"You were in my mind, Leandra," he whispered.

Merlin. Where had that come from? Why would he think of Lily while being with her? Why on earth would he do that? He might have been clueless enough to think for a while the Dark Lord wasn't a psychopath, but he liked to believe he was smart enough to do what he could to hang onto his witch.

"I'm not going to be in your mind every minute, and am not going to invade your thoughts to ensure that you're remaining mentally with me. One thing I've always done is trust you, Severus. Always. Even before I had the memories of your visits with me. So I will trust you, but if you cannot fulfill this one request I have of you then I'm counting on you to do the right thing. I told you before that if you think we can accept the bond and go off with other witches, you are sorely mistaken. I didn't just mean physically."

"I cannot say that I will not worry for her well-being."

She couldn't possibly think that he wouldn't do that? Honestly, he couldn't even remember the last time he thought of Lily … romantically. His apprenticeship certainly helped him put things in perspective, and put the past behind him.

"Nor have I asked you not to be concerned or to love your friend, Severus. There is a difference. You saw I was on the run with two wizards. Never once were you threatened by their presence with me on a twenty-four hour basis for months. In fact," she said. "Let me show you something," she said.

He entered her mind and he saw him come into his parents room - their room in this memory - clearly confused by finding this witch naked and in bed. He felt himself blush and get more than just a bit aroused at the image of her touching herself while he took her from behind. She clearly enjoyed it, too, and then she'd asked him to pull out and finish on her. She told him she'd like to watch him do that next time. She told him what had put her in the mood to call him home in the middle of the day unexpectedly. Catching Harry masturbating. He was aroused, yes, but somewhat awed by this memory she shared. He felt her fear afterward that he would think unfavorably of her asking him to finish in such a manner. 

"I saw him, but wanted you. You knew I loved them. I am not asking you to stop caring, but you have to let go. She's married, Severus. She has a baby. A lovely boy. She was not meant to be your witch."

"I understand. I had two years away from Britain to come to terms with my feelings for Lily and where she fit in my life. I want her happy, if Potter is it as much as I don't understand that, then fine. If you are staying here, if you are having my baby, and obviously," he said, taking hold of her left hand with his. He watched as their marks glowed and warmed their fingers. "She was not meant to be my witch."

She pushed him a bit so he drew away from her. "If I find out, Severus Snape, that you are deceiving me to shag me. Well, I don't think you want a hormonal and pissed off witch on your hands."

No, he didn't, but she didn't need to worry.

"I have but one question, Leandra," he murmured.

"Yes?"

"When do I get to do that?"

She blushed deeply at that and he chuckled softly. "Which part?"

"Well, all of it, of course, but having you watch me do that…"

"You like that idea, too?"

"I do," he said with a nod. "May I ask you a question?"

"Aside from the one you just asked, you mean?"

"Cheek."

"Ask your question."

"Why did you love me?"

"There's no past tense about it, Severus. It's not going to go away." She shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. He couldn't blame her. Talking about feelings was not his area of expertise, and he didn't get the impression she was much better. "Why does anyone fall in love with anyone? When you were alone with me, you were maybe not kind but patient and willing to teach me. You understood my need for knowledge and you gave me more than enough of that to keep us alive for months. Yes, I could have learned from books and trial and error, but it is not entirely the same as seeing various berries and what not in person. Pictures are taken when they're at their freshest. We were on the run during the fall, winter, and spring so had to eat whatever was available to us that wouldn't kill us. You didn't want to, but you cared for me. Your initial goal was not to have me accept the bond. You merely wanted me to trust you. Dumbledore had asked you to kill him, you felt betrayed. Someone you thought of as a friend saw you as only a pawn. A means to an end. That hurt you. That's when you sought me out in the past. There was nothing unsavory about what you did or your intentions behind the visits. I told you we needed to accept the bond. I was worried about it weakening either of us. Me more than you as you were strong enough, but I was just eighteen. We barely got away with one of the items and I realized what if that could be the difference. What if the bond, our magic merging, would help us?"

She sighed, running her fingers along his cheek.

"I guess that didn't really answer your question. I love you because you're you, Severus. Snarky, sarcastic, but passionate with me. I love that no one else knows that side of you. I love that people might wonder what I'm doing with you, not realizing that I have a wizard who is loyal, heroic, intelligent, and more passionate in his little finger than most could dream of. I love watching you brew, watching you in your element. You have the most graceful hands and there were moments watching you do things with them would make my knickers wet at very inappropriate times."

"Is that so?" Well, that was an interesting thought.

"And I love that despite the fact you do not have the memory of creating this baby with me you are willing to accept it."

"I take care of that which is mine."

"And you just proved my point," she said, closing her eyes as she let her thumb graze over his lips and jaw. He gave a soft moan. He wasn't sure he'd ever tire of the way she touched him. She leaned in then, finding his nose and kissing it. He jerked away. "Don't," she whispered. He forced himself to still, to let her kiss his nose and then lean in closer to brush her cheek against it. "I wish I could see him," she whispered.

"Who?"

"Harry," she said.

"Oh, not possible."

"I know," she said. He imagined she did know.

"I imagine seeing Draco was odd." He hadn't really thought to ask her yesterday. Honestly, she was lucky he didn't ravish her against the door to their room last night. He wanted to learn: how to please her and how to please himself with her. So, thoughts of her seeing a wizard she last saw as an adult as a baby hadn't occurred to him.

"Very. Are you his godfather yet? I mean, I know you were asked, but has that officially happened yet?"

"Yes, of course. Lucius asked me months before he was born."

"I'm glad. He counts on that relationship, as does Dumbledore, to get you to commit to killing him."

He shook his head.

"Hopefully, if we succeed in this, that will not happen."

"When will we start?" he asked.

"It makes sense to leave from here, doesn't it? Maybe go home first so that we can tell your mother so she doesn't worry."

"Yes," he said. He nodded. It did make sense. He didn't have limited time per se, but he would have to be at Hogwarts in less than four months' time. He tried to ignore the thud of his heart at hearing her call his parents' house "home". She considered it home because of him. He had seen nothing in her memories or heard anything in her explanations to suggest her plan was to get him to sell their home and buy something different.

"Then let's plan on that."

"Tomorrow then. In the meantime, it is time to ready ourselves for Easter dinner. Are you feeling well this morning?"

"Yes, now."

"After tomorrow I will be more confident in how I can wake you."

"I know. I don't blame you. I've woken myself screaming more than once the past month. I'm sorry if I scared you."

He hadn't heard her. She must have been casting silencing charms on her room then. Well, his room. He was relegated to the guest bedroom that had a sofa in it. His mum likely wouldn't have made him, but his father wouldn't understand magical marriages. A few times he'd fallen asleep on the floor beside her. In the mornings the second thing he did after using the bathroom was go to check on her.

"It was unsettling. Our dream, before the one you were currently having. That was our dream, was it not?"

"Yes. We haven't been within close proximity long enough to know if shared dreams are a constant, just an in the beginning, or a because we were separated thing. I don't know."

Her wolf and his hellhound had been rather amorous with one another. Did their animagus forms miss one another? It sounded and looked like, from what she'd shared with him, that they ran together somewhat regularly. She had recollection of being with him in those forms. He did not. Their first time had been because of uncertainty on her part. He suspected that was the only time they'd been together like that, but he wasn't sure. And didn't want to ask. He could admit to being very curious about experiencing that, too.

"Will you run with me?" He had to ask. He hadn't realized until this moment that he wanted to run.

She smiled widely at him. He liked that smile. It meant he'd finally said something that made her happy. He didn't feel as if he'd done very much of that since she'd arrived at his house. Not genuine happiness like this was.

"I would love to run with you, Severus. My wolf loves your hellhound. I wonder if Firenze would recognize me."

"How would he?"

"Well, he's a Centaur, a seer. He knew I was coming here."

He didn't realize that, but it made sense. And it was plausible that the Centaur might recognize her.

"He is wise and overall good," Severus said.

"I agree," she said. "I'm glad he never reported you for being unregistered."

"As am I."

"Oh!"

"Yes, Witch. I'm beginning to recognize that look in your eyes."

She laughed lightly. "You are, huh?"

"Always thinking."

"I am," she said with a shrug. "You have to go to the Ministry first. Before we leave, I mean. We can't have anyone stumbling upon that document. And we know Lucius is going to report to Tom and probably others about us."

"I was thinking of bringing my mother. She would do it, I am sure of it, and she is much better at … talking to - and distracting - people than I am."

"I have a way to help you then. You're going to hate it, but I will explain tomorrow after we've talked to her, and know that what I need to find here has been taken care of."

"Very well."

Her task here being accomplished would depend on him getting them in the library alone. He hoped that would be possible. He really didn't want to have to come back here anytime soon. He liked it here on a fundamental level. It was a beautiful home, but from the treatment of their elves to Lucius' beliefs. It was hard to completely appreciate the beauty or feel completely comfortable being here.

x.x.x.

It was later that night when the opportunity to escape to the library presented itself. Severus and Leandra were discussing the possible use of something other than cicada eyes in potions that call for it, and what the possible effects would be. All other conversation had, in fact, stopped as the other guests listened to their back and forth conversation. Both were clearly so passionate about the topic that it was apparently intriguing.

"Lucius," Severus said, seeming to only now realize that others were watching and listening to them.

"Yes, Severus," his friend said, clearly amused.

"May I have use of your library for a little while to educate my fiancee on the difference between a cicada and a beetle."

"I know the difference between a cicada and a beetle, Severus Snape. Obviously. I'm not a dunderhead. You are twisting my suggestion and question into something it absolutely is not. I realize you are the potions master, and I am not studying in the field. All I asked was, in a pinch, could they be used as an alternative? Beetle eyes can be found just about anywhere. I bet if there's an old trunk in storage here that Lucius or Narcissa has from their Hogwarts days, they'd find some on the bottom of it. Obviously, not usable any longer, but the point remains. They are very common, and almost quite literally everywhere. They would have to be more cost efficient. Wouldn't that be something worth looking into?"

"Be my guest, Severus. I will warn you, though, she seems awfully convinced. In my experience it's usually best not to argue too strenuously with a witch who believes so ardently she is right."

Several at the table laughed. They had finished their meal and dessert. Most were enjoying an after dinner cordial. He and Leandra abstained. She shouldn't drink, and he didn't want to be rude and drink in front of her.

"I will bear that in mind, however, if she wants to learn more about potions then she needs to be willing to be taught."

Lucius' lips lifted as if he was fighting back a laugh or a smile. Maybe both?

"Excuse us," Severus said with a polite bow of his head before pulling Leandra's chair out for her and offering her his hand as they walked toward the library.

He watched as wordlessly she cast a Muffliato spell as soon as the door was closed. He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to this witch from seventeen years in the future casting his spell so proficiently.

"What are we looking for?" he asked. They didn't have time to dawdle. Lucius would grant them privacy, but likely only for so long before he'd get curious as to what they were doing in here.

"Leather-bound, older book. Not ancient as in generations ago, but the forties. It's a, um," she shrugged. "Muggle diary basically. So not overly thick or special looking."

"All right."

"I don't suppose," she said after a good thirty to forty-five minutes of the both of them searching with no results. She seemed to realize, as he had when they came in here, that they couldn't stay in this library forever. Much longer, someone was liable to come check on them. He had no idea when he'd be invited back here. He could probably get them another invitation, but he couldn't guarantee a chance to be alone in here again.

"Accio T.M. Riddle's Diary," she said.

"This one moved," he said from the other side of the room. He removed the two books to the right of it from the shelf, and it almost hit him in the face, before flying right into Leandra's hands.

"That was entirely too easy, but he also stupidly left it here without really any instruction that it was to be protected or guarded, from my understanding. I don't think he," she said, gesturing to the door so he presumed she was talking about Lucius, "even knows what it is. Or what it's for."

"Put it in your bag and let's find a couple of books on various bug species," he said quickly. He did not want to risk anyone growing curious as to what they were doing in here for so long and coming in.

They did just that, ensuring to use their wands to do their searching so if any traces were done in the room, it would be difficult to see they focused on any shelf in particular. Once ensuring they were okay and the book really was in her bag, he removed the Muffliato spell from the door as they sat down to review the books about bugs they found.

Wandlessly, Leandra ensured the door opened slightly again once the Muffliato was removed. Anyone walking past would hear their conversation.

She slid her wand out from her sleeve and tied her hair back, using the wand to keep it off of her face. It looked rather nice on her like that.

"I actually can believe there could be some merit to your suggestion, just as an aside. I will look into it, and credit you, of course, if it is found to be true."

"I'm not looking for credit, Severus."

"But you are thinking like a potioner, Leandra, and that is what you said you wanted me to aid you in doing. Sometimes it's not necessarily improving upon something but, as you say, finding a substitute or alternative that in a pinch could be used. Emergencies arise, and it is good to think outside of the norm. Too, not every person has unlimited galleons to spend on cicada eyes versus the lesser costing beetle eyes. Someone may need a potion and if they see an apothecary offers one with cicada eyes and one with beetle eyes, otherwise the same. The apothecary wins then, does it not? It still gets the business?"

"Thank you for saying so," she said. "Now, shall we let the squabbling begin?"

"Indeed. I figure people will begin leaving about now."

x.x.x.

"This one starts out so cute, Severus," she said, settling her left hand over his forearm. She pointed to the picture of a spittlebug and he looked, unable to do anything but for some reason. He snorted as did Lucius from the doorway.

"I am not buying spittlebugs because they are cute, ‘dra, I don't care what you say."

"I wasn't suggesting owning them as pets, merely saying they are cute."

He nodded a bit. He could see what she meant, he supposed. As a boy, before he knew various bugs and worms he found would one day be potion ingredients to him, he'd loved bugs and such. Sometimes, if his dad wasn't home or wasn't in a bad mood, Severus would show his mum his findings. She'd tell him what they could be used for. He supposed he'd been about eight, maybe nine when she started doing that. Educating him about potions. They were a tool for him, so it was hard to look at one of those tools and think it was "cute".

"I can accept that viewpoint, but I see nothing here that suggests your opinion has any science behind it."

"Isn't that what experimentation is for, Severus?"

Her eyes brightened, and he actually gasped softly at the raw, unbridled enthusiasm he saw there. Did she really want to experiment? She said she'd like to learn, but he wasn't sure how sincere she was. No one really liked potions. His mum, but she'd been so long away from it that she didn't quite have the same information he did.

Maybe now that he was home, he could change that. Maybe she could come visit him at Hogwarts. Brew with him.

Is this how he looked when he talked with Slughorn and Master Loibl about an idea he had? He imagined it probably was.

"I mean, we have months before you have to begin teaching. I don't get a lot of time, but couldn't we try to see!"

"Oh, she's got you now, Severus. I not only see the look in her eyes but yours as well. She is truly your equal. You should count yourself lucky to have found her. I admit I had my doubts on you settling for someone outside of your intellectual capacity. I should have known better than to think she was just another pretty witch. She wants to spend her time outside of work doing research and more work. She sounds very much like a wizard in this room I know."

Indeed her words, listening to her talk as they'd paged through the various books was rather intriguing. Her ideas as to why she thought of the substitution to begin with were as well. Using a trunk in Malfoy Manor was maybe not the best example to use, but she had a valid point. Very likely, one could come home from a trip to Diagon Alley with beetle eyes on the bottom of one's shoe or the cuff of one's trousers if they were too long. It was rare, though, that he was ever able to talk to someone like this about anything, let alone potions.

He'd asked himself one question the past few days about all of this. 

Oddly, he hadn't come up with too many other questions, as outrageous as the situation seemed. And as distrusting of people as a whole as he was. She had, indeed, come armed with facts that he could not dispute or argue against. The letter he'd written to her, while not a precise match to his current handwriting, had obviously been written by him.

There was another letter in his notebook that evidently she had not been able to see because she hadn't pointed it out to him. It was from him. His older self. To him. His younger self. This him.

If she comes to you, which I believe she will, I have but one request. Love her unconditionally, and without hesitation, as that is no less than what she deserves.

If you are reading this missive it is because I failed to survive the war against the Dark Lord. I hope that you can accomplish her task quickly and successfully so that you can offer her what I evidently could not. A life with her marked soul mate.

Trust me when I tell you that you will not find anyone as trustworthy, brave, and selfless as the witch that brought you this notebook.

Initially, she will hope to come back here. To me. She will not completely understand (yet) that she would be returning to a different 1998 than she left, assuming she succeeds in her quest in your time. Encourage, nay convince, her to stay with you. Convince her that she wants to spend the next seventeen years with this me rather than wanting to return to a future version of me that she doesn't even truly know anymore than she knows the younger version of myself she has sought out. She won't be coming back to the me she knows. Even meeting you at the age of twenty-one should change enough that my future is different.

Included in this envelope is a key to a safe deposit box for you at our parents' muggle bank. It is the only thing that I kept from her. In it is a secondary wand not registered to us. I used it only once. There is a vault at the Gringotts location where we studied our apprenticeship. As you likely will have seen by now, if I know her at all, I left our witch quite literally everything. I did, however, take an impressive portion of the Prins galleons left me and gifted them to you in said vault.

There is no password to gain entry to the vault, however, with the wand they will ask to see your mark. From my understanding (read experimentation) those cannot be duplicated with polyjuice. Hopefully, with the acceptance of your soul mark you will endeavor to keep our witch with this version of us as she now belongs.

Bear in mind, as I write this years in the future from where you are currently. She is the only thing to truly bring me joy. Any other time others might have thought I felt that saw a mask, a lie. I forced it. Or if I did experience joy, it was at someone else's expense. For years. Only with her did I discover I didn't need a mask or to lie and fake. I could be happy.

Good luck and Godspeed to you both.

STS

So, all that left him with one question.

Why had the Fates seen fit to make him wait until he was nearly forty to meet his mate?

He'd never looked for her, never entertained the thought of looking, because he truly did not want to know who someone might pick as his soul mate. How repugnant of a person he deserved. The idea of someone like Bellatrix or another female death eater like her, who had some rather abhorrent tastes made him more than a little sick to think of being his mate.

He knew his soul was tainted. Spy or not, he had engaged in some abhorrent activities. He had been no saint at Hogwarts either. The hate was easy to join in on before he really thought about what it all meant, would mean. Was it because of his muggle upbringing and therefore his familiarity with muggle history and things like Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini that made him realize it? Before he realized he was doing to others what the Marauders did to him. It was a little different in that he didn't continually harass the same person. Repeatedly. At every opportunity. Even if they were minding their own business. Of course by then it was much too late to do anything to change. And Dumbledore had encouraged him not to change once he accepted the headmaster's offer to take on the role of spy. So he was sure the bulk of the student body at Hogwarts, not from Slytherin house, thought he was an arsehole. Probably some Slytherins, too.

He was aware he was not entirely blameless in his encounters with the Marauders. He had contemplated joining the Dark Lord's ranks willingly. The doubts had come later, and he was grateful, especially after hearing Leandra's story, that he'd had them in time. His older self had not. What was different? What had changed to make him take such a different path as to turn his back on the Dark Lord and work with Dumbledore all along? He'd ask her, but she didn't seem to know. She seemed sincerely surprised he was a spy all along. She must have done something, though. She'd mentioned visiting a few other times before ending up here. He knew she hadn't visited him.

Knowing he was someone Lucius and the others thought would join the Dark Lord's ranks willingly, though. Well, it made him rather frightened of who would be marked for him. The idea that she had not been there all of his life never even occurred to him. He just hadn't wanted to know.

He remembered, now, an encounter with Lily he hadn't thought about in years. They were about ten, he supposed, and his mum was likely tired of hearing her son go on and on and on about the red-headed witch he'd met at the park. (Of course, she hadn't liked discovering just how far from their house he went on his bicycle.)

"She's not your witch, Severus Snape," his mum said.

He scowled, hoping against hope that his mum could get the stain out of best shirt. He was going to wear it to dinner at the Evans'. Nervous, he'd spilled some of his cranberry juice on it. If his mum wasn't a witch, the shirt would be a hopeless cause.

"Hold your left hand up to hers, Severus Snape."

He huffed with a roll of his eyes, watching as she waved her wand over the shirt.

"Then you'll know, Severus. There's nothing wrong with having a friend. I'm pleased to see you've made one, truthfully."

"She's nice, Mum."

"I'm not saying she's not, but your witch will do great things. No offense to Lily Evans, she will be a respectable witch, but she's not to the level you and your witch will be."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're my son, Severus Tobias Snape. You're my son, and you would not be mated to a witch who didn't have the same potential to be great as you do."

He hadn't held his hand up to Lily's that night. He was pretty sure their hands got close enough a couple of times that evening at the dinner table and afterward when they were playing cribbage that if they were marked soul mates, he should have seen evidence of that.

He remembered now how confident his mum had seemed that Lily was absolutely not his.

Why?

At the time he'd believed what she said, that he had the potential to be great and so would his witch. Now, though, that was just ridiculous. It didn't always work that way. She had been right about Lily, though. Both about her not being Severus' soul mate and about Lily not being great. She was good. Very good. She was smart. He imagined the more experience she got using magic in the real world the better she'd get, but Leandra was nineteen and already impressive.

He, clearly, wouldn't have entertained the notion of accepting the bond with her until she was of age. He doubted he would have agreed to her request to do so if she had not been. He'd done the math in his head immediately upon hearing when their bond had been accepted. So that meant regardless of when he discovered she was his marked mate, he wouldn't have bonded with her until he was thirty-seven, at the earliest.

Why?

Why did his older self tell her to come here?

It occurred to him here and now, in this moment in the library at Malfoy Manor why.

He was not ready for her.

Certainly, he hadn't been on the path he originally seemed to have gone down.

He wouldn't have been ready for her if they were the same age. If he hadn't seen physical evidence of her obvious value to him. If he hadn't read that letter from his older self to him, knowing she'd seek him out in this time because she would want to be with her mate no matter what. He would have fought tooth and nail against the bond in favor of his infatuation for Lily, assuming they would have met at Hogwarts. He wouldn't have gotten close enough to her for their marks to recognize each other. He likely wouldn't have noticed much difference in his magic with and without her presence before his time at Hogwarts. 

He still was not altogether certain he was ready for this witch, but he was more prepared now than he was even a year ago. He told her when in time to come. He told her specifically this weekend. He presumed it was because he was aware of spending Easter with the Malfoys.

Now, though, that thought process was ridiculous. There were several times over the years he'd been a guest of the Malfoys. Today was certainly not the first, and he doubted it would be the last.

He had sent her back, though, to this time.

He'd known.

His older self. The one who'd traveled through time to get this witch to trust him, not realizing what he was setting into motion.

Any later than this, he would have been heavily embroiled in life as a Hogwarts professor. As she pointed out, the youngest in decades. He had no doubt it would not be an easy undertaking, and he would not have welcomed the distraction of this witch, mate or not.He wouldn't have been in the position to aid her in her quest.

And would he have met her if he was holed up in a Scottish castle?

His older self had known when he'd be remotely ready for her, after taking two years to deal with his feelings for Lily. Not seeing her, or the Marauders every day, certainly helped to that end.

Like a bludger, she'd shown up on his doorstep, telling him who she was, with proof that she had been with him in the most intimate and exposing way possible. In truth, his thoughts of Lily hadn't gone much beyond the concept of a witch. He'd never really envisioned having sex with her. He never thought about the actual act. He just wanted a witch and, with her, acceptance.

Love.

Until now.

Never in his wildest dreams had he envisioned sex with someone so completely accepting of all of him before. He'd seen in her memories his body twenty years from now was no prize. Oh, he'd stayed in good physical shape, sure, but the scarring was everywhere. He wondered where they all came from because he hardly had any now compared to what he'd seen in her memories. Yet, she loved him. Accepted him. Willingly laid with him. Agreed, consciously or not, to bear him a child, knowing his was the face their child would call Father and see every day.

He didn't actually answer her request this morning about Lily. He hadn't had to. She put his well-being and reputation ahead of her own by choosing to accept the bond so that they could have that document on file before the announcement of a baby came. Because, it would be his reputation to suffer as a new professor at Hogwarts. And, well, as a death eater. He wasn't sure how Voldemort would take to him impregnating his fiancee.

And if he could not convince her to stay in this time and she left? He'd be left with a visible reminder to everyone that his soul mate had chosen to leave him, taking his son with her. Well, he'd deal with it, knowing that seventeen years from now he'd see them again.

Or.

That was a ridiculous idea.

Or.

The most ridiculous idea.

And yet, he himself, his older self, suggested he do it in his letter.

Certainly, it was far less ridiculous than contemplating joining the ranks of the Dark Lord, thinking that what he was preaching, even in the beginning, wouldn't lead to exactly what Leandra showed him it turned into. He was glad that he had doubts, sorry the marked soul mate she got to know first had not. While he didn't think himself gullible or a fool generally speaking, he could admit he almost had been in this case. And obviously for whatever reason, the him she knew originally had been taken in. He'd just wanted to belong for once in his life. To be a part of something and not an outsider looking in. To be appreciated and valued for what he could bring to things.

He thought they, the Dark Lord and his followers, could provide that. At first.

He wanted knowledge and power. To be as great as he thought he could and should be.

This idea, though, had teeth and couldn't harm anything as far as he could see. Her birth had already occurred, which would be the biggest fixed point in time he wouldn't want to mess with.

He could spend the next seven or so months working diligently at convincing her to stay here.

With him.

To live the rest of her life as Leandra Snape nee Rossi. Regardless of the outcome of their task, she wouldn't be able to go by Hermione Granger here. Only he and his mum would know the truth. He could spend the next seventeen years with her by his side. And really, she couldn't disappear from here with an infant and appear seventeen years in the future with a child not any older than when he was born. People would see, people would know and suspect she'd done something. Altered something, which could lead to someone(s) coming back to figure out what she'd done and try to undo it.

Really, that meant she could not go back to 1998. At least not to Britain.

That meant he would have to up his game.

To treat her as well as she deserved.

Lucius doted on Narcissa, at least outwardly. Theirs had been an agreed upon marriage. It wasn't exactly arranged, from how Lucius explained it to Severus once. The families had agreed, though, that their marriage would be a good idea. The doting wasn't entirely for Narcissa's benefit. Lucius wanted others to see, wanted them to be impressed with his way with his wife.

He knew he had to do better than the other wizard. His witch deserved better than living being ruled by two wizards when it got down to it.

He could raise his son with her and, perhaps, their son would have a sibling to join it a few years down the road. He could see these things.

If they accomplished their task, the world she'd be going back to would be different anyway. He would be different. He was already different from the Severus she had had as a professor and known. Certainly, she would realize that eventually. Should he mention it? Should he tell her of his letter to him from his older self?

There was nothing to say Severus would still be living in his childhood home, or even working at Hogwarts to meet her in the early nineties. If he did not have to work as a spy, maybe he'd do something else. Not to say that he'd hide from her. No, he'd wait for her if going back to 1998 was what she thought she had to do. However, he had no idea where he'd be if the war was truly won.

He wasn't surprised he'd created a time turner. Time travel had fascinated him ever since he watched Doctor Who for the first time on the television in his living room when he was little more than a young schoolboy. It was an odd show for his father to like, given his dislike of anything magical himself. He wasn't sure the irony had ever occurred to his father to this day.

Knowing now, though, that his father was magical but a squib. Maybe Doctor Who appealed to him because it was something that was magical, the TARDIS and time travel, but not his magical roots that he felt had failed him.

"Very well, Witch. I will speak with the headmaster and see if I may have access to the potions lab prior to my tenure as potions professor begins."

"Really?" she asked, sounding entirely too enthusiastic and pleased with herself.

How she could inflect both he wasn't sure, but she did. She knew he'd been thinking something other than about her idea, though. He could see in her eyes that she was curious where he'd just gone because she was aware for a minute there he wasn't with her in this room.

"I came to see if I could pull your nose from a book, Severus, but it seems I have to pry both of you away. Narcissa and I were going to have a bit of an after-dinner drink."

"Has it gotten that late?" Leandra asked.

"Indeed, our other guests have taken their leave."

"They must think we are rude for not even saying goodbye."

"Oh, they're familiar with Severus enough to know how he gets when he's chasing an idea, Leandra. We said your farewells for you."

"Thank you, Lucius," Leandra said.

"We will join you in just a moment, Lucius. Let us put the books away."

"Nonsense, that's what elves are for, Severus. They know better than to mistreat anything in this room."

"Very well," he said, standing and offering Leandra his hand. "Let us go then, ‘dra."

"Of course," she said. "Lucius, may I ask a favor?" she asked.

"You may ask of course, my dear."

"This book," she said, walking toward one of the shelves and pulling out the book that detailed the history of Gringotts in Wizarding London. "Might I borrow it? I've never seen it before, and I'm a bit of a history buff."

"She speaks the truth, Lucius. She bought a copy of Hogwarts: A History at Flourish and Blotts merely because they are now my employer."

"I will return it to you in the same condition. Or even if I could take it to our rooms for the night."

Lucius couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Somehow I don't think Severus would appreciate me making you do that. You may, of course, borrow the book, my dear. Who am I to begrudge the fiancée of my son's godfather the opportunity to further her education?"

"Thank you," she said, looking at the book and touching it with the affection only someone who truly loved books could accomplish.

"I hope I did not just condone you to a night sleeping alone, Severus."

"I will distract her."

"Mm, let me know how that goes, will you?"

Story ©Susan Falk/APCKRFAN/PhantomRoses.com