"You fucking imbecile," he muttered when he saw the news of his younger brother's death.

He didn't have to make a special trip home from Hogwarts to catch this announcement. And it was perhaps a bigger story than the Nakatomi Plaza, if only because Ambrosius had purposely and publicly sought out John McClane. That was news on top of his attempted heist.

Severus had warned him! Told him!

Geta had to be cremated because of the state of his remains. Getting blown up in a helicopter wasn't going to give him much to bury with Ambrosius either.

Fuck. Fuckity fuck.

What in the fuck had he done to deserve this? He was thirty-five years old and everyone in his family was gone. Dead.

Now he truly was alone. He'd felt alone since Geta's death, but Ambrosius had helped soothe him. He at least had someone even if they didn't communicate as frequently as he and Geta had.

"I fucking told you not to do this!"

His chest started burning.

Oh fucking priceless!

Do not!

He had not heard one iota from her in months. Months for fuck's sake. He was not upset by that turn in events. With the Dark Lord's return he had to occlude like crazy and really had no time for amusement. So her not contacting him via their mark simply meant one less thing for him to attempt to hide.

You're upset.

It wouldn't take the brightest witch of her age to figure that out.

Fucking right I am.

What is wrong?

Everything.

Come on.

Why the fuck do you give a shit now? I haven't heard from you in ten months!

I'm sure you're aware it was a chaotic year. You're obviously familiar with Wizarding Britain and Hogwarts specifically. He Who Must Not Be Named returned.

I am aware.

Well, I was a little distracted.

Silence on his part.

You didn't communicate with me either.

He huffed. Really? She was throwing that at him? Witches!

Yes, well, I have better things to do than having essentially what amounts to faux conversations with a fifteen year old.

Fine. I'm sorry I asked. I won't again.

And she was gone. Not only was she gone, but he felt … nothing in his mark. How was that even possible? She was obviously upset. He should be feeling something from her as she had felt his distress moments ago.

"Oh Geta what do I do? If I go to claim his remains I will be tied to the both of you. I cannot imagine that would be wise at this point in time. If Albus was to find out about either of you. Well, he would certainly look a little more closely at his trust in me. Lying by omission is still lying."

As it was, apparently, the heroic efforts of John McClane with regard to the Nakatomi incident took the attention away from people deep diving into just who Hans Gruber had been. At least that was the only conclusion Severus and Ambrosius had been able to come to as to why authorities never came to their Cokeworth home, or found either brother.

"The Dark Lord has returned, which I'm sure you're up there laughing at me about. Yes, yes, Albus Dumbledore was right. The Dark Lord managed to do the impossible. I can't be traipsing off to America to collect his remains."

He sighed. He couldn't just leave Ambrosius there, unclaimed either, though. He was his brother. He was responsible for bringing him home.

An idea came to him.

Are you a wizard or are you not, Severus Snape? Did your twin leave you identification under aliases or did he not? Do you know how to make an unauthorized portkey or do you not?

He glanced at his watch, realizing it was still business hours in New York City. The last fucking thing he wanted to do was talk to muggle authorities, but he'd do it so that he could bring his brother home. He had to. He glanced at the urn that contained Geta's remains, shaking his head at the idea of a second one taking up residence there.

Do you need someone to talk to?

I am fine.

You're … hurting.

I am. I will be fine. I have no time to be anything but.

What happened?

I just had it reaffirmed that I am allowed nothing. That everything I care about, everyone I love is taken from me.

Oh.

He realized too late how that sounded. She'd think he was talking about a woman.

It was not a witch. At least this time it wasn't.

He realized what that would sound like and rolled his eyes. Why he cared what she thought he wasn't sure. And yet here he was, about to further clarify.

It was my younger brother.

Oh.

And he could hear the … relief in her tone. He smirked a bit at that. Interesting. Did she know what their marks were and meant after all?

I'm thirty-five years old and my entire family is gone now.

I'm very sorry. That's not a reasonable response, but I don't know what else to say.

Thank you.

I'm … sorry that I didn't contact you again after September.

You don't owe me an apology.

He wouldn't deny it … stung a bit that she did not, but that was the polite part of him. He'd aided her, she should have at least said thank you. However, her not contacting him gave him one less thing to worry about hiding from both Albus and the Dark Lord. He had enough to worry about let alone either of them finding out he had a soulmate!

I do. Obviously you bringing it up today means you expected that I would. It was terribly rude of me not to. You helped me. And it worked! My not thanking you is not how I was raised.

He smirked again at that. Of course it worked. He'd had no idea that the witch had any desire to talk to him about various subjects prior to these conversations they shared. No one ever wanted to do that so he just hadn't known what to look for.

I am glad that I could be of assistance.

I.

Yes? The question came when she was silent for a moment.

You aren't the first one to have mentioned to me about going beyond textbooks. I just never.

Yes?

Books have been enough until now. Until Hogwarts.

I am familiar with this phenomenon. However, in magic there are few absolutes. Not hard and fast ones as there is with, say, Biology and Mathematics.

Well, I'm adjusting to that fact.

And it is working?

Yes, thank you. I think so at least in all of my classes. What happened with your brother?

He was a dunderhead as was my twin not even six years ago.

A twin?

Yes.

I can't even imagine.

I try not to. Our younger brother was trying to … pay someone back for my twin's death. Let's just say, it didn't work out the way he'd hoped despite my warnings against him doing it, mind you.

You're not going to try to do that are you?

No, I am not an imbecile.

But they're your brothers.

This may sound callous, and one day mayhaps I will go into actual details, but they made their beds. They made the choices they made. Admittedly, I have not made good ones either. Mine just haven't, to this point anyway, cost me my life. Just everything around me turning to shit. So I'm not sure how lucky it is my mistakes haven't resulted in death. However, they were still my brothers and I'm not pleased about losing them.

How much younger?

Not quite eight years.

Oh, that's quite an age gap.

It was. I was away at school before he was out of diapers.

And your twin?

Identical in every way except our matching marks. And he was not magical.

Oh, that's very … interesting.

He hadn't found it interesting until he got older. It was interesting. It would be fascinating to see if there were any … biological differences between him and Geta. What made him magical and Geta not? It was one of the reasons he never told anyone about Geta, though, he didn't want to be studied.

The one thing I loved most about him? There were several things, mind you. He never held it against me.

That is admirable.

It was. How is your summer?

Well, I haven't found out my brother died.

You don't have a brother.

Silence.

You're right, I don't. It's been okay. Worried about everything happening.

You are not alone there, and I'm glad that it has been okay. I do have to go. I have some … details to work out pertaining to my brother. Are we all right?

We are.

That is a relief, and my lashing out at you earlier was uncalled for.

Apology accepted.

Insolent Witch. I didn't say that!

But you meant that.

Good night.

With the aid of a fake ID, two unauthorized portkeys, and an excuse to the Dark Lord that he would be in South America collecting potion ingredients for a week he was in possession of Ambrosius' remains. He had indeed gone to South America and used the unauthorized portkeys to leave and return from there.

That done and checking in with his masters so both knew he had returned and not perished in the Amazon wilderness he still had a bit of time before he had to return to Hogwarts to get ready for the new school year.

He had no idea how this year would go. He couldn't see how it would be at all good. For anyone. He supposed at least the Triwizard Tournament wasn't something he had to contend with this year. And seeing his soulmate dancing, happy, and looking rather lovely with another wizard. At least it hadn't been Potter or Weasley who'd escorted her the night of the Yule Ball.

He made his way to the corner store a few blocks from his house that had a pay phone outside versus inside the store where anyone could overhear a conversation. Disadvantage of the ones outside as this one was, traffic noise but this corner was quiet enough. He set his hand against the phone, charming it to believe he deposited the required amount of coins to phone London.

He hoped as she answered the phone that this wasn't the absolutely most stupid move he could ever make. Certainly it couldn't be worse than telling the Dark Lord of the prophecy.

It was hard to level set when his bar was so fucking high!

‘Hello.'

"Miss Granger?"

‘Yes.'

"It's Professor Snape. I was hoping that you might have a moment?"

‘Oh sure. I mean, yes, of course, Professor.'

"Your parents are at work?"

‘Yes.'

"I will be in your backyard in about five minutes."

‘Um okay,' she said, sounding confused. Undoubtedly so.

He disconnected then. His hand remained on the receiver for a minute or two before he went to the alley behind the store and apparated to her yard. She was waiting for him.

"Did you want to come in?"

"No," he said simply.

"Okay."

"I debated about doing this for a few weeks now, but my position could be in serious jeopardy so I have to take the chance that this does not become the stupidest thing I've ever done, which is saying a lot that I think it could be. I have no intention of joining my brothers anytime soon."

She looked, appropriately, thoroughly confused. He could see her trying to puzzle out the meaning behind his words and this visit.

"Is this supposed to make sense, Sir?"

He was dressed as a muggle in a T-shirt and jeans. It was summer so he wore no flannel or jacket over it.

"Forgive me for any perceived forwardness. I assure you that is not my intent, but I do not know how else to accomplish this quickly. The longer I spend here there's more of a chance someone, even your parents, will see. I cannot have that."

He lifted his shirt up then, enough so that she would see the black heart-shaped mark on his chest. A mark she had an identical one of in the same spot if what Poppy said was true. Before he could even acknowledge what she was doing she was mere inches from him tracing the heart with her fingertip.

"Miss Granger," he said cautiously. He hadn't pulled away, though, he couldn't help but notice. It also had gone from black to red he saw.

"Right, sorry. I just," she dropped her hand to her side and then met his eyes.

Her head tilted a bit as she regarded him, and no doubt the mark turning black again. It had never done that before. Her touch, he supposed. He knew his eyes weren't as … cold-seeming as they usually were at this particular moment. It was difficult to remain so when this witch, his soulmate, had just willingly touched him. Curiosity or not in play, she had. Only his brothers had willingly done so until now.

"It's you," she said simply.

"It is. This year is not going to be pretty or fun, Miss Granger. I do not believe you need me to point that out to you. You are aware of my reported and oft debated about position with the Order? I know that you're not yet old enough to officially participate, but no doubt you've done your research on … things."

"Yes."

"I cannot risk you entering my mind, my thoughts, at an inopportune time. Albus would lose his spy. If the Dark Lord realizes that I have a soulmate he will know that I am not on his side."

"I'm sorry?"

So she didn't know. Interesting. He'd assumed she would figure it out when he mentioned they had the same mark. Then the year had been chaotic for her too more than likely.

"Now that you know what to look for, research it to your heart's content, Miss Granger. Soulmates. Much like a patronus, if I were truly foul in nature, in my soul, I would not have an active mark. I presume it would have remained as it was originally and you would have been … mated with someone else. I admit I don't know how it works, particularly when there is such a … difference in ages as there exists between us. That's what we are. It is how we have been able to communicate for years now, on and off. I presume you were born in September 1979, I presume also that you have never known the heart on your chest to be anything but black since I was already alive when you were born. Mine was just a barely noticeable heart-shaped freckle until what has to be your birthdate. I was with my twin on that day, in fact. I suspect I was feeling your, and perhaps your mother's, distress during the birthing process. Hours it burned and throbbed. It would let up for moments at a time, but it was fairly constant. Until then it was just an oddly shaped freckle, the only difference between my twin and me. I also presume when I die yours will take on the barely noticeable heart-shaped freckle colourization mine was for nearly twenty years. Though that bit I do not know, but my presumption is based on what mine looked like prior to your birth. I could be wrong in that. I admit I have had little time to look into it overmuch since I found out for certain what it was."

"That's daft, Professor. I don't know what game you're trying to play, but I really don't appreciate it."

"Do I look to be in a mood of humour, Miss Granger? Do you think I have nothing better to do with my day then come here and speak to you? I assure you that I do. And yet you haven't told me to get out either. I told you how to work on your Ageing Potion essay after you suggested you'd like to talk with me. I figured out it was you, you admitted to seeing me at the restaurant. With my brother by the way."

She frowned. She was thinking back to that day, he could tell from the look on her face. "You introduced him as Simon."

"I did, you are correct. I would prefer if you think about that day in the presence of anyone that you think of him as Professor Snape's friend Simon. No one is aware I had brothers, and given their chosen occupations I am unsure if either master would trust me if they found out that I hadn't ever told them about either sibling. Add in what they did for a living."

"Right," she said, nibbling on that lower lip. She was clearly taking all of this in. It was a lot to process. He'd had time to think about it, come to terms with it. She'd had a few minutes.

"You initiating the mental conversations must cease. I do enjoy our conversations, so that is not the reason. Until you I only had Geta to debate about things and being non-magical our topics were somewhat limited. Draco's father is an acceptable conversationalist, but I have to tread carefully with him. I have never had someone to converse with for solely that purpose. Conversation. I have never had someone sense my moods. It might be off putting, but it is not entirely unwelcome. I know, too, you through our marks have provided me … solace, calm several times over the years even if I wasn't aware until rather recently what was happening. Whether you remember those times or not, know that you eased my mind. On many occasions over the years. However, I cannot have anything getting past my barriers, I will not risk the Dark Lord seeing you or knowing that you exist. So, while I am concerned for my own well being, my ability to do my job. It is primarily you I am thinking of. They would think you could be used against me."

He closed his eyes, shaking his head at the thought. He would not be responsible for another witch dying because of him. He didn't want to think about what the Dark Lord or a Death Eater would do to her. Albus, though, too, could use her just as keenly to make him heel even more if he found out he had a witch. He wasn't sure which idea appealed less to him. He'd know how to defend her against the Dark Lord. He would not know what to do against Albus.

"Oh," she said, reaching for her chest where her mark would be. "That's quite intense. Whatever you're thinking about. I'm sorry I'm upsetting you in any way, Sir."

"You are not upsetting me, Miss Granger. My thoughts …. Well, anyway, that's not important today. I cannot be seen showing you favouritism, especially not now. However, if you feel as if you need a conversation, turn in an essay as you had written prior to this past school year and I will give you detention again. I will try to initiate our … personal … conversations when it is safe to do so. I make no assurances, and I make no promises they will be lengthy or about anything regarding the status of things currently. I can't risk that, giving you information or hearing things that I shouldn't. I have already told you too much. If Albus found out, he would likely obliviate you."

"Fair," she said with a nod. "Not that the headmaster would obliviate me, but everything else."

"I am trusting you, Miss Granger."

"Of course." She tilted her head a bit. "Does Madam Pomfrey know?"

"Yes, why?" he asked. Why would she think of that?

"The last time she saw it. My mark I mean. After I'd been pulled from the lake during the tournament. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but her eyes widened as if she was surprised about it or something. She's treated me several times before then, as you're aware because you assisted her with potions for a couple of the incidents. So she shouldn't have been. Surprised by it, I mean. And then she asked me some questions about it that had nothing to do with why I was in the Infirmary. I mean, it was a birthmark and it obviously had nothing to do with my being all right or not from being in the lake as long as I was."

"Did she?" Of course she would have, it was after Severus had talked to her about the mark already. So she would have known. She would have recognized Hermione's as being the same as his.

"Yes."

"Well, she is a nosey busy body so best not to tell her you know either. No one, Miss Granger. Not Messrs Potter and Weasley either. It's important. I hope you see that. I am trusting you because both our lives will be in danger if anyone finds out. Do you understand that? Do you understand what a Death Eater who discovers our … connection might do to you thinking that it would harm me?"

He hadn't had something that could be construed as a weakness in nearly fifteen years. He wasn't sure what he'd do now if someone found out he had a soulmate and took her. Held her as bait. He didn't really know her. Their conversations (mental or in his office) had never gotten overly personal. He didn't love her. Someone or something, though, marked them for one another. That had to mean something. Other than Geta he'd never had anything in his life that he'd thought of as his.

Yes, if someone took her he would likely do something foolish in an attempt to save her because he wouldn't want to see her hurt.

And that thought scared him. It had been far better to think he had absolutely nothing to lose.

"I do."

He settled his index finger under her chin. Odd to think she hadn't moved away from him after assuring herself that his mark was what it seemed to be.

"I debated about telling you because as I said at the beginning of this conversation things are not going to be good. Things will be said and implied about me, I am sure. Foul, hurtful things. I do not care. I have developed rather thick skin by now, I know my place and role in all of this. I have heard it all, and worse than your friends will say, for years now. I have accepted long ago most in the Order hate me. You, though, you will now know that the person these things are being said and inferred about is who whoever decides such things chose as your soulmate. I do not relish in you knowing it's me. I honestly wasn't sure the Dark Lord would actually accomplish coming back. And to top it off. You must not tell or reveal to anyone anything about my role."

"But, Sir."

"You cannot, Miss Granger. We need the Order members to doubt me. If everyone believed in me wholeheartedly, the Dark Lord would wonder why."

She was biting on that lower lip rather severely now. She didn't like that idea and that pleased him in a way he hadn't realized was possible.

"If you feel you must try to defend me just do not do it too staunchly. It will not do if Potter or Weasley start to wonder if you're right in the head or if I cast the Imperius on you or something. And God forbid Longbottom stopped acting as if I'm what he fears most."

"Oh," she said softly.

Her lips twitched slightly at that. Oh, yes, he'd been more than a bit irate at the time, but now he could find the amusement in Longbottom's boggart. Just as he found immense amusement at the memory of this witch having turned herself into a cat. He had to take his humour where he could find it, especially these days. Maybe that was wrong, he wasn't sure. He thought he was entitled to take his joy where it came from.

"I will not risk coming to you like this again. I did so today starting from a store near my home. I've been on an errand regarding my younger brother so figured my movements would be less likely to be scrutinized by either master."

"I never thanked you for your help with that assignment."

"No thanks necessary, trust me."

She scowled.

"What I said was factual, Miss Granger. Yes, we are teachers but none of us endeavour to be nothing but that twenty-four hours a day. Your turning in extra inches with every assignment was time consuming. So your learning not to do that behooves me. And especially now as I will, I'm sure, be getting little rest from now until this ends. Whenever that is. Your papers have drastically improved."

"Well, I am sorry. I didn't think…"

"It's nothing to be sorry about. I understand. You wanted to prove you belong. I get it. I truly do. I assure you that you do belong. You are a capable, intelligent witch, Miss Granger. That is the last time I can say that to you, but know that I believe it is true as surely as Minerva and the others do."

Her eyes brightened at that and he thought for a moment that he rather liked the way they looked. He liked that he was responsible for putting that look there. He'd never been the reason behind someone's happiness.

"And if you are desperate. Truly desperate. As in life or death you have permission to utilize our connection. Just know that I may not respond so provide me with concise information I would need to assist. And know that it may not be me that assists. I may send someone else, but I will trust if you are contacting me in that way that your life is truly on the line."

"Oh, I wouldn't do that…"

"I hope that it's unnecessary, but I will not have you die because you thought you couldn't reach out even under life threatening circumstances."

She surprised him then, reaching up on her tiptoes, dislodging his finger from its place at her chin and bussing him on the corner of his mouth with hers.

"Be well, Professor. If there's anything I can do, ever, you know where to find me."

He scoffed but smirked slightly. "I will keep the offer in mind. Just stay alive, keep your head down, your mind clear of any of our conversations, and do try to encourage Potter away from running head first into trouble."

"I will do my best."

Famous last words.

Christmas Eve 1995

I hope all is well and everyone is safe by you on this Christmas Eve.

Oh, thank you we are, and Happy Christmas Eve to you too, Sir.

I think for our purposes, these conversations, Severus will do. So long as you won't forget yourself.

Really? Thank you, Severus. And Hermione, please. Are you having a Happy Christmas Eve?

No, but that is not unusual.

Why not? Aside from the obvious, I mean you said that's not unusual. He has not been here for several Christmases. So obviously it's not just his return.

It is the anniversary of my twin's death.

Oh, you must think I'm incredibly insensitive. I apologize for asking.

You posed a question based on my wishing you well. While Albus likes to remind me I'm quite good at being a curmudgeon, I do know what this holiday means to most. You had no way of knowing what this day represented to me. No apology is necessary.

What happened?

It is a long story, but needless to say he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, doing things he should not have been doing. In part he was doing those things to aid me in trying to … get my Mark removed.

That's possible?

I do not know as I didn't get the opportunity to find out.

Oh. Right. Obviously. How silly of me to ask that. And now he's back so it's too late.

Quite.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, eyeing the mantel where now urns containing the ashes of both of his brothers were housed.

I will admit when the idea of getting the Mark removed and leaving first came to me ten years ago, it was most appealing. It still is, I can't deny that. Evidently I do have some survival instincts somewhere in me despite evidence to the contrary. And they were telling me to get out. However, I'm honestly not sure I would have gone through with it even if I could have.

Why?

I made a commitment to see this to the end. I'm not sure the headmaster could find another spy. Certainly not one as deeply in from the beginning as I have been. I may have left when I was supposed to and have come back when I heard of his return. I don't know.

I suppose that would be difficult.

Mm.

Why are you doing it?

He sighed. Dare he explain this? She did deserve to know the truth, though, didn't she? And, truthfully, he'd never told anyone. Not the whole truth. Geta had likely put the pieces together.

A friend of mine and her husband died. We hadn't been truly friends for a while, since our days at Hogwarts. I was the one who betrayed her to the Dark Lord, before I turned spy. Inadvertently. Intentional or not, I brought his focus to them. I know that I did not kill her, but I am doing what I can to make up for that betrayal of my friend.

You were friends with Harry's parents?

No. James Potter was rather the opposite to me. Lily and I met prior to our first year at Hogwarts. She lived near me. Different side of town and socioeconomic statuses, but near nonetheless. Our friendship was rather tragic I suppose one could say. I thought I was in love with her, she did not feel the same way. She withdrew and I was drawn to things I should not have been. She voiced her concerns, but I saw her as meddling or not understanding. She was drawn to bullies. I'll never understand what she saw in them or why because they were Gryffindors their bullying behaviour was allowed.

He shrugged, not that she could see the gesture. It was an odd way to communicate. Intimate and yet … not at the same time.

I'd come to the conclusion quite some time ago that while I loved her I was not in love with her. I mistook attention, any positive response, as affection. I have no doubt she felt affection for me when we were ten and eleven, but not the type of affection I assumed it was. As I've grown to be an adult I realize there are different types of affection and different types of responses to people one is attracted to. When Poppy told me what my mark was at the beginning of last year I realized it was probably quite impossible for me to have been in love with Lily let alone anyone else.

So I can't…?

He shrugged again.

I presume you've done some research since I told you this summer, but while each of us is alive I do not believe so. Not to say you couldn't pursue Krum…

I'm not interested in Viktor like that.

I suspect my experience with those feelings were prior to your birth, so I was able to feel them. I imagine you would be able to feel that when I'm gone.

Don't talk like that!

I deal in facts.

Why are you telling me this?

I don't know. My emotions are raw I suppose on the anniversary of someone I did truly love and who loved me in return, faults and all, dying. And as I told you in your yard this summer, things are going to come out and be said. I do not want you thinking that your soulmate is someone who was infatuated with another man's wife fourteen years after her death. She was not my witch. I know this, have known it for some time. That does not mean my commitment to defeating the Dark Lord is any less than it was when I turned traitor once I realized who the prophecy was about.

Oh.

I think, too, witches put much more stock in such things. I personally am not sure I would care if our situations were reversed what you had done prior to my existence or knowing about me.

Are there examples of older witches being mated with younger wizards?

As soulmates? None that I'm aware of. That seems counterintuitive to the race. Obviously the idea of soulmates is to lead to a future with that person and with that future would be magical children.

So does that mean that we are having magical children, Sir?

He scoffed, though he sensed some cheek in her question's tone.

Severus, and I should think not.

Silence.

Hermione.

Nothing, but the feeling in his mark suggested he had somehow answered incorrectly. He sighed heavily.

June 1996

Severus paced the Infirmary. A caged tiger was likely calmer than he was at this moment. Why had he allowed himself to care ? He should have known better. He could obviously have nothing good in his life. No one on his side.

Was it truly his lot in life to have nothing? No one? To be completely alone? Surely if she was dead it was a sign that despite thinking he wasn't as foul as he thought given he could cast a patronus and had a soul mark his life truly was shit.

He was truly shit.

"Severus, relax."

"Easy for you to say, Poppy. For nearly seventeen years I have felt … something. Here," he said, gesturing to the spot only Poppy now since Geta was dead knew about. "I feel nothing. She's dead."

"You do not know that."

"I suppose it would be poetic justice. I took his mother from him. So he gets to take something from me."

Make a friend this witch had suggested to him. He should have known better. Everything around him fucking died! Everyone was taken from him. He was clearly meant to have no one!

"Oh, Severus, you did no such thing. You didn't cast the curse. You didn't kill Lily Potter!"

He knew this was true. He'd had this same argument with himself (and with Geta) several times over the past fifteen years. It didn't ease the feelings of guilt he carried with him.

"Regardless, she should not die before I do."

He hadn't heard from her since Christmas Eve. At all. She wouldn't even look at him in class or at meals. Prior to then they'd met a couple of times in the fall under the guise of detention to discuss a potion they'd brewed in class or one she'd read about. Because of course she read potions journals. He'd even given her a few old copies of various issues he thought she might find thought provoking. The meetings were brief and spread apart as to avoid suspicion, but he enjoyed them. Now that she was realizing there was more to learning than textbooks she was rather curious and inquisitive. He enjoyed it. Since Christmas Eve. Nothing. Zilch. He'd been too busy to fret about that overmuch. He still wasn't certain what he'd said that was upsetting.

"I didn't realize you'd gotten that friendly with her to care."

"We're not friendly. We've had a few conversations. She is aware I am the one with the mark on the other end of the connection. This damnable silence in my chest, in that mark, is unsettling, Poppy. I'm not sure I remember what not feeling it is like any longer."

Poppy looked at him with understanding and if Severus wasn't mistaken, envy, in her eyes. He supposed she had been asking herself the past nearly two years why he fucking deserved a soulmate. (Then knowing about the soul mark was probably why she had not been unkind to him as others were doing since the Dark Lord's return. And bless her heart, she wasn't revealing his secrets to anyone either. She had to realize as she'd told Hermione in her yard that they needed Order members to doubt him.)

Fucking Potter.

Albus might just have to find another spy and another Boy Who Lived if she died tonight because of his carelessness. And for Black. Of all the people to go off half-cocked and with a ridiculous plan about. She was worth ten Blacks!

She'd been brought in. Unconscious but alive. He imagined the unconscious part was what led to the … silence. He'd thought for certain she was dead. Was that relief? Hope? He wasn't sure what he felt when he saw her because it was completely foreign to him. He wasn't used to having anything go his way.

"I would like some privacy, Poppy. Will you ensure no one disturbs us?"

"Severus…"

He rolled his eyes. Maybe he was wrong about her knowing what having a soulmark meant in the grand scheme of things when it came to him truly being a foul human being.

"Merlin, Witch, first you said you weren't aware we became friendly and now you seem to think I'm going to do something illicit or untoward with a student right here in your infirmary. If that was my plan I'd merely disarm and disable you and do it without permission or forewarning. Give me some credit! I merely want to use legilimens and see if I can enter her mind. I would like to see if I can ascertain what was cast. The sooner I can figure out what was done to her the better chance I have of finding a cure and reversing its effects. If Potter and Weasley come barging in, that may cause her to lose what connection and therefore concentration I am able to establish with her."

She nodded then, seeming to believe him. That was a relief. The last thing he needed was this woman saying he'd done something improper with a student. "I will ensure that you are not disturbed."

"Your assistance is appreciated."

With a flick of his wrist the curtain was drawn completely around her bed. He regarded her. Unconscious, lying still on the infirmary bed. Bloodied, bruised. She looked so … helpless. Something he had never had occasion to associate with her before this moment. She was no helpless victim. When he found out who did this to her he would end them. She did not deserve this.

"All right, Hermione," he murmured.

He had never said her name aloud until now. He'd never allowed himself to. He drew a chair up close to the side of her bed and sat for a moment. He needed to clear his mind before entering hers. He would do her no good thinking about revenge or about anything but getting answers from her. Finally, calm enough he felt he could do this he stood, leaning over her a bit. He settled his hand over her forehead. She felt warm, not unexpected considering what her body was fighting.

"This is not going to be pleasant, fun, or subtle and I apologize for that. I think you know I would never deliberately cause you harm or discomfort. In fact, to offset any discomfort you will experience, I will extend the offer to do this some other time when you're not unconscious so that you can experience the difference between someone … forcing them self into your mind and you letting someone in."

The courteous thing to do when performing legilimens was via direct eye contact with permission. He could not obtain the permission. He could only make eye contact one way today. She could hate him later if it found him the answers he sought, remembering his curiosity as to whether something had happened to her that she spoke of rape when they'd discussed the Ageing Potion. He'd apologize later if need be. This was not the same thing either. He was trying to save her, not harm her. Surely she would understand that. 

He hoped she would anyway.

He used his thumbs to open her eyelids, taking a deep breath as her eyes were unresponsive to him.

"Legilimens," he murmured, pushing into her mind. She struggled for a moment against the intrusion, too. She knew he shouldn't be there. That was excellent.

There's a good witch. Do not ever just roll over and die. Fight, even as you are now. I am trying to help you, though. Let me in, Hermione.

Can you hear me?

No response. She wasn't letting him any further in either. That was good, and he wondered how she was shielding herself so strongly. Perhaps she was a natural, they existed he knew. He and Tom were among them.

Hermione, if you can hear me, now is not the time to ignore me. The faster I find out what curse you were hit with and by who if possible, the better chance I have of reversing any permanent effects.

And killing them. He left that part off of his thoughts, though.

He felt her then. Groggy and not wanting to respond but she did. He saw the scene playout, saw the curse Anton cast in her direction. It wasn't completely clear. As if there was a curtain in the way, one he could see through but not completely. It was clear enough he got the information he needed.

You are a very lucky witch. I felt our mark go quiet, completely deafeningly quiet for the first time since you were born and I thought you were dead, Hermione. If you hadn't cast that silencing spell…

Nothing.

Are you never going to speak to me again?

What was the point in telling me about the soul mark? That we are soulmates?

What do you mean the point? I thought that was fairly obvious, Hermione. I told you in your yard that day that I couldn't risk…

And if I weren't a muggleborn witch?

What are you asking me?

He heard a sigh of exasperation and couldn't help but chuckle. Even communicating this way he could fully hear her tone and picture her sounding like that when talking with her friends.

It bothers you that your soulmate is a muggleborn witch.

Of course not.

Silence. He was working very hard not to go … poking around. It would be so easy. She was pretty defenseless at the moment, but that would be akin to rape. He was here for diagnostic purposes. Nothing else.

Did you get the information you needed?

I did. Thank you.

Then go. Leave my mind.

Hermione.

Leave, Severus. I'm sure you have something better to be doing not here with me.

Would you tell me what I did?

Nothing.

I find that difficult to believe. You seemed to enjoy our conversations the same as I did. I have … missed them.

She scoffed.

Don't do that. You know that is not easy for me to admit. If I upset you somehow.

It's fine, Professor. Just go do whatever you need to do.

Don't do that either. I know from observation that any witch who says ‘it's fine' usually means the opposite. I may not have friends or a wife, and despite the Dark Lord not being active for nearly fourteen years my covert listening skills remained extraordinary.

She huffed again.

Soulmates are rather rare from what I've researched. Those with marks as ours even more so.

Yes.

So, why would you with one of the most brilliant minds I've encountered not want to look into that?

What?

A memory was pushed to him.

//So does that mean that we are having magical children, Sir?

Severus, and I should think not.//

Oh.

That bothered her?

He frowned. He'd assumed she was joking and if not would be overjoyed at the answer.

I don't plan on being alive overlong, Hermione. You are, last I checked, not eighteen.

Seventeen is the age of majority in the wizarding world.

Irrelevant. I repeat. I do not plan on being alive overlong. And I would be severely disappointed if you had intentions of being with child as soon as you turn seventeen.

So it's not me? Not because I'm a muggleborn.

He scoffed.

No. It is me, Hermione. Even if you were eighteen, this war is still ongoing. I would not do that. I would not leave a child illegitimate on top of the stigma of being the child of a Death Eater.

Why don't you want to live? You have a soulmate. Why wouldn't you want to…

Oh, Hermione, my life had a rather short expiration date from the beginning. Poor family from Cokeworth. I'm fairly certain our younger brother was a result of my mum not being able to afford her contraceptives. I do not know that for certain, but eight years between us, and I had the impression two was more than they'd signed up for. I got to Hogwarts and my experience here as a student was not … pleasing. Mr. Potter's father and godfather along with Lupin and Pettigrew tormented me most of my seven years. Not to say I was entirely blameless, but they were bullies. My friendship with Lily ended because in a moment of humiliation, embarrassment, and anger I called her a mudblood. She never forgave me.

Oh, Severus.

At the time, at the age of fifteen, I didn't understand it. I said I was sorry. Why wasn't that enough? Now, I know the insult combined with everything leading up to it: hanging around with Sirius' brother and others who became Death Eaters, my interest in the dark arts. Things moved so fast and I never truly understood how she could care for James let alone marry him. I still don't, truth be told. I had years before his return to think over things. Conversations with Geta.

Geta?

My twin.

Oh. Geta and Severus. Which was older?

He chuckled.

I was by thirteen minutes.

Did you hold that over him?

Only every time we quarreled.

She gave a laugh at that. He … liked hearing her laughter in his head like this.

I'm sorry he's gone. He and Ambrosius.

With the name came the image of that old English sheepdog again.

Yes, well, as I've said, they made their beds. They chose to be thieves. Criminals. You are no longer mad at me then? If I survive the war's end we can discuss any next steps if you are of the mind to do so.

So romantic, Severus.

Yes, well. Now that you're more coherent, show me again what happened at the Department of Mysteries and then I shall get to work on healing you. I will instruct Poppy to give you a sedative to keep you under. I'm … afraid that our conversation will lead to your coming to ahead of when you should given the state of your wound. You need to rest and remain as still as you can.

Okay.

She showed him again the events that led to the curse Anton cast. It was much clearer this time. He was able to see it almost as if he'd been standing there, too. Frantic as it was, scared as she was. He still got the information he needed.

It won't be instantaneous, but I will get you back to new again.

Thank you.

Rest, Hermione. One last thing?

Yes.

Don't do that again. Do you hear me, Witch? You have not had nearly seventeen years to get used to our marks reacting. I have. I thought you'd died, Hermione. If nothing else comes of these marks, they have already given me something I never thought to have outside of my siblings. A friend.

You're my friend, too.

He nodded before withdrawing from her mind. He instructed Poppy to give her a sedative before heading to his lab to get to work.

If he had the chance to do so, Anton would be dead.

Story ©Susan Falk/APCKRFAN/PhantomRoses.com