Buffy woke up from the intense erotic dream about Angel she had forgetting for a moment where she was. She had left the house without telling Dawn or Willow she was leaving, but they would figure out she was gone and she did not need to tell them her every move. They brought her back, they could deal with her being melancholy now and again. Her walk had brought her to Restfield Cemetery which led her to Crawford Street and almost automatically to the mansion.

She had walked through the first floor, pulling open the heavy drapes from the windows that did not look out over the street. No sense alerting anyone that someone was inside, but this house deserved to see some light. Had Angel given her the chance she could have made this place a home for them and for Dawn. Plenty of rooms would have gone unused, they would never have filled it with children but they would have had the chance to fill it with love and memories. There would have been plenty of room for nightwalkers and daywalkers alike. Even though she had time to prepare for his leaving it still hurt, had torn her up inside. He took a part of her with him, the ability to love, to let someone into her life and her heart.

Riley had paid the price, eventually leaving Buffy because she was unable to give him what he not only wanted but deserved. Buffy would never love someone as completely as she loved Angel. Even when he had lost his soul and was Angelus, a demon controlling the body and mind of her angelic faced lover she had still loved him. He had been gone for over two years now, they had seen one another a few times during those two years and things had changed.

The only time it had been close to the same was after her mom had died and they had talked at the cemetery. He had made her feel not so alone, no one else could have done that and she needed it. She needed to know that he would be there for her when it truly mattered. And that day had truly mattered. She knew he would always watch her back if she asked and he knew the same, but they had grown apart. They had moved on. Had he never left or come back to Sunnydale to stay who knows what would have happened, but he had not and even if he were to now things were too different for them to go back to what they had. She was not the naïve seventeen year old anymore and as much as she hated to admit it, she could not settle for just kissing for the rest of her life.

They did not call one another, they did not write, and if his friends were anything like hers no one talked about her to him. It was too painful, the pain still too fresh and raw. She had gone into his bedroom and opened the drapes surprised that no one had figured out yet that it was empty once again. The king sized mattress was still there and did not look as though it had been touched since Angel left graduation day. The room smelled stale from lack of use so she opened a window, letting some fresh air in. She curled up on the bed, remembering her last time in this room, which is probably when she had dozed off.

He had been dying and she had offered him her blood when she failed to bring Faith to him. He had looked so helpless and she had been more than willing to die for him, to die in his place for the second time. This time, unlike with Acathla, she was able to offer herself in place of him. Her blood had been the answer that day not Angel's.

She remembered, too, her first time coming to this mansion. She had come to fight Angelus, to stop him from destroying the world and sending it to a hell dimension. Spike had helped her. He had offered a proverbial olive branch calling a temporary truce with the Slayer, his nemesis. He wanted his dark princess, Drusilla, back and Buffy knew as he had pointed out she needed the help. She might have found Angelus in time to save the world from being sucked into Acathla's hell dimension, but she doubted Giles would still be alive today if not for Spike.

Then there were the times they had spent here after he had come back. They had spent their time together training, talking, kissing, just sitting saying nothing and even arguing. There were some who probably thought Buffy was living in some sort of dream world, fantasizing about a happily ever after ending between the Slayer and the vampire with a soul. The truth was their relationship had been difficult from the beginning. How exactly love had developed between them she did not know and doubted Angel knew either, but it had and it had changed their lives forever. Angel had told her towards the beginning that it was not a fairy tale, there was not going to be a happily ever after for the two of them. Theirs was not a relationship dreams were made of.

Her mind drifted to the night they had made love, the night of her seventeenth birthday, the night she had lost Angel for months only to have to send him to a hell dimension when he came back to her. She liked to believe that one event made her stronger, made her not just a better Slayer but a better person, but in truth just as she had done with Dawn if she had been able to sacrifice herself she would have done it.

Spike was right, she had a death wish. She had died twice already and come close the night she took it upon herself to offer Angel the anecdote for the poison running through his system killing him. The only problem was no one would let her die. So whether she had a death wish or not did not seem to matter. At the rate she was going, she would live forever.

She had kissed Spike for the second time last night. She could not use the excuse of a spell as she had been able to do the night of Sweet's singing and dancing spell. Spike apparently sensed her kissing him was something to make her feel anything but depressed and after walking her back to her house had left Buffy at the door. Willow had needed her anyway because Tara left, so it was for the best. Now the next day she had to try and put her feelings in order, but there were too many to deal with. Giles had left, he had really done it. She had not even gotten to say goodbye to him.

She had wanted to hunt, but it had been broad daylight so there was nothing to hunt. She could have visited Spike at his crypt, but she sensed that was the last thing she should do today. Going to his crypt still sort of freaked her out. She still smelled death on her, causing her to take more showers than were really necessary on a daily basis. So, going to a building that housed the dead was not where she needed to be.

Spike. Thoughts of him made her cringe and made her smile at the same time. He had protected Dawn, had stuck around despite knowing the rest of them probably would have preferred he left. He had done it because he not only loved Buffy but loved Dawn. He had made a promise and kept it. Buffy could no longer live in the world of denial she had lived in last year and claim that Spike's feelings were not genuine.

How, honestly, could she argue with a man about what he could and could not feel who had stayed with Drusilla for over one hundred years? A man who had bargained with the Slayer for her life even though she had gone from his bed to Angelus' bed when her daddy returned. If that was not love, what was? It was certainly better than she had gotten from any man in her life. Her father, Angel, Scott, Parker, Riley and even Giles all left her. Yet, Spike was still here and his kisses made her feel alive in a way she had not felt since Angel. It was different than with Riley, things with him had always been forced. She had wanted so much to be what he wanted and to have something normal but it just never worked.

True, the chip prevented Spike from physically harming people, but it did not stop him from surrounding himself with minions and orchestrating them to do his dirty work. Buffy had no doubt that he had more than enough evil thoughts in that brain of his to keep her on her toes for the rest of her life and on into the next Slayer's life and the Slayer after that. Yet he chose to stay in Sunnydale with her. She would never forget the look on his face when he saw her on the stairs after she had come back. No one else had thought to tend to her, comfort her and clean her up. He even seemed to understand her desire not to tell her friends where she had truly been.

She was torn between the two vampires, the confusion was strange but oddly understandable. Did she want to bother going down that road again? If Spike were to find out a way to get his chip removed then what? He would leave her just as they all did. She had not enjoyed having to kill Angelus, she would like having to kill Spike even less if only because Spike with or without chip was capable of doing good on occasion. She and Spike had established a friendship of sorts over the past two years.

"What the," she whispered as images of Angel that Buffy knew had never happened. She could not remember dreaming about making love to him so vividly, and these images were clear, real. She would certainly remember ice cream being a part of her dream; Riley was boring when it came to sex so she would remember dreaming about something like that. She tried to see more of it, tried to pan out but she was so incredibly focused on Angel that her eyes looked nowhere but at him. What disturbed Buffy most was the look of not just amazement on Angel's face, but the feeling of happiness that washed over her. They had been happy, a happiness Buffy could not remember having felt.

Confused and dazed not sure if being back at the mansion had caused the dreams and visions, she left the mansion and walked to the site of the new Sunnydale High School campus where Xander and his crew was busy working. The fools were building it right over the old high school. Apparently, the school system enjoyed playing Russian roulette with its student mortality rate.

She saw Xander and waved when he spotted her. "Hey, you," she said with faux cheeriness. The images she had seen earlier had left her a little shaken with their realism. She wished she could have dismissed them as a dream, one that she and Angel were sharing. They had done that in the past, but it had been a while. Long enough that she knew the images she had seen were not fragments of a dream. They were intense enough to actually make her blush if she thought about them too much. The dream she had back at the mansion had been erotic, but it was not so different than any dream she had about Angel.

"Hey, Buff, what brings you by?"

"I was just taking a stroll and thought I'd pay a visit to my favoritist construction worker."

"Well, gosh, I'd be flattered if I wasn't the only construction worker you knew, Buff." He removed his safety goggles and led her out of the way. "So, is there something wrong? Some badness a-brewing?"

"No, there's nothing wrong, no new baddie's come to town. I was honestly just out for a walk."

"Okay. I was going to grab something to drink from the catering truck, can I buy you something?"

"I'll take a Snapple mint tea if they have any."

"One Snapple coming right up," Xander said walking toward the food truck. "Is peach all right?"

"Sure, thanks," she said taking the bottle and twisting off the top.

"My pleasure, it's not often I get visited on the site by a pretty girl."

"You mean Anya doesn't visit?"

"No, she's usually at work."

"Oh, well, they're not going to think I'm her, are they," she said gesturing to his crew.

"No, they've seen her, but I'm sure I'll get asked about you. See anyone you're interested in?"

Buffy scanned the group of construction workers. If she were in another place in her life maybe, but she just was not ready for that yet. If kissing Spike and these images of Angel proved anything, it was that she was not ready. She was honestly beginning to suspect Spike was right, that she needed a bit of monster in her man. "No," she said simply with a shrug. "I'm not in dating mode right now."

"Well, if you change your mind," he said with a smile, waggling his eyebrows.

"You'll be the first to know."

Xander chugged down his own iced tea. "Well, Buffster, that's it for me, I've got to get back to the grind."

"That's fine, I really wasn't expecting you to stop and talk. Thanks for the Snapple."

"Nothing but the stuff made from the best stuff on earth for Buffy."

"Thanks, I'd hug you, but," she shrugged gesturing to his clothes.

"No worries, I'll collect that hug another time. I'll see you later Anya and I are coming by to take Dawnie out for pizza tonight."

"Okay. See ya," she said with a wave, tossing the glass drink bottle into a nearby garbage container.

Feeling refreshed from the drink but no more at ease about the things she had been thinking about earlier, she walked toward home in somewhat of a daze. It must have been going to the mansion that caused it, being so close to the memories, so close to where their last intimate act had occurred. And his feeding off of her had been intimate. She would never admit that to anyone, but it had been more intimate than making love on some level.

There was a note from Willow saying that she had gone out, not saying where so Buffy took that to mean she was not invited to tag along. Probably just as well, Buffy had something she needed to do. If she and Angel were sharing dreams again she needed to know why.

"Dawn," she called upstairs.

"Yeah Buffy."

She went upstairs and walked into Dawn's room. "Do you think you'd mind spending the night with Xander and Anya?"

"Uh, no, what about Willow?"

"Well, I don't know if Willow is going to be home tonight."

"Okay, yeah, no problem. What's up? An all-night patrol or something?"

"No, I'm going to go to LA to talk to Angel."

"Angel? Wow, okay, I didn't expect that."

"Yeah, I need to talk to him. In person."

"But you just saw him."

"Yeah, I had just come out of my grave, things weren't exactly clear for me. I need to talk to him. You have the number there if you need me, right?"

"Yeah, no problem. I'll call Anya right now and make sure it's okay with her."

"Thanks, I just saw Xander, but that was before I thought of going so I didn't ask him. Sorry."

"No problem, I doubt they'll mind, we're going out for pizza tonight anyway. Maybe they'll just stay here."

"That'd work," she said going to her own room to pack her bag. She was not sure how long she was going to be gone, but she packed enough for a few days. She could always go shopping if she needed more. "Did she say it was okay," she asked on her way to the bathroom to collect her toiletries.

"Yeah, she said it's fine. Either me over there or them over here."

"Great, tell them both I said thanks. Do you need anything before I go? I'll give you some money, so you can at least offer to pay for your part of the pizza."

"They never let me."

"I know, but you should at least have money to offer," she said putting some cash out of her wallet. "Here's a twenty, I expect change," she said handing it to Dawn. She kissed her on the cheek. "Be good, listen to Anya and Xander, and I'll call you when I get there."

"Buffy?"

"Yeah," she said, mentally making sure she had everything she needed.

"Is everything all right?"

"Everything's fine, Dawnie, I just need to see Angel, okay?"

"Okay, just making sure. I mean, you'd tell me if something was really wrong, right?"

Buffy smiled slightly. "If there was something you could do about it, yeah. In this case, I just need Angel. I've been having dreams," she said realizing it was not the truth.

"Oh, why didn't you just say so? I mean, with Giles gone, it makes sense, what with Wesley up there and all."

"Thanks. I'll see you in a day or two. And have fun tonight, lay off the anchovies."

Part 2

Buffy parked the Jeep in front of the Hyperion, checked to make sure she was not in a No Parking zone and grabbed her bags. No matter where their relationship stood, Angel would never turn her away. If she needed a place to stay for the night, he would put her up. This place certainly is big enough, she thought as she stared at it. Angel certainly did things in style, though she had to remind herself Angelus picked out the mansion not Angel.

"Wow," she said as she walked into the hotel lobby. It was even more beautiful on the inside.

"Welcome to Angel Investigations may I help you?" asked a long haired brunette.

"Is Angel here?"

"Sure have a seat and I'll get him. Can I get you some coffee or anything while you wait?"

"While I wait? Um, no, I'm fine," she said setting her bags down and taking a seat on one of the couches in the lobby. If the girl thought it strange Buffy came bearing two overnight bags, she did not show it. Did Angel have women coming to visit him all of the time?

"He'll be out in a few minutes," she said returning and going behind the reservation desk. Buffy assumed it was the office.

"Thanks," Buffy said, glad the girl was not full of questions for her. Buffy was not sure how she would answer them. Angel would understand but he was the only person who would, especially when it came to her dreams, there was no one else she shared dreams with. She stood and walked to a painting on one of the walls. She recognized it, there was a song written about it, she could hear the tune in her head but the words and title escaped her. There was no placard on the picture frame to identify it either. Angel probably did not need placards to remember names of paintings.

She felt hands on her shoulders and leaned back into him instinctively without flinching. She fit so perfectly against him, her head found the space between his collarbone and his shoulder automatically. Three years of practice, she imagined, even if she had not practiced much of late.

"That's one of my favorites," he said softly, his voice as effective on her as any physical caress.

"It's beautiful," she murmured. "So peaceful, yet so powerful. I can feel it."

"Reminds me of you," he said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he said and she knew he was smiling. She turned in his arms and went to kiss him, but he growled as she moved.

"What?"

"You smell like Xander."

"I saw Xander for a little this afternoon, he bought me a Snapple."

"Oh," he said and Buffy smiled at the sound of relief evident in his voice.

"Jealous?"

"No," he said quickly, too quickly.

"No need to be since he's engaged," she smiled unable to forget he had been jealous of Xander a few years ago. "To someone else," she added.

"Oh, good, good for him."

"Yeah, he seems happy. He's got a good job working for a construction company, he actually made foreman. He's overseeing the new high school."

"And Willow?"

"She's not so good. She and Tara broke up because Tara thinks she's becoming too dependent on magic. I'm starting to wonder myself," Buffy admitted. "But magic isn't my forte so I don't know. Willow says she's all right, I have to trust her. I mean, she's always the rule follower."

"Those are the ones you have to be most leery of."

"Anya said the same thing," Buffy said with a frown.

"She's a smart girl then, because she's right. It's the ones who follow the rules all their life who get a taste of power and tend to go overboard."

"Well, now you've given me something to really worry about," she said with a pout.

"I didn't mean to, Buffy," he said, placing a finger under her chin to tilt her face up slightly. "Can I kiss you?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"Well, I don't know, you might have a boyfriend."

"No, no boyfriend and last I checked Angel kisses were always welcome. And always of the good," she added with a whisper, her eyes already falling closed in anticipation of a kiss.

"Good to know," he whispered before leaning down to kiss her. It was tender almost uncertain as if he was not sure he had the right. It had been over two years since they had kissed like this. Last year after her mom died had been different. This was them bearing their souls to one another and both a little afraid of doing it. As the kiss lengthened and deepened an arm encircled her waist, drawing her closer as the other skimmed her side and then palmed her hip. His fingertips caressed her upper thigh and she moaned into the kiss, opening her mouth wider. She wanted more, more of his kiss, more of his touch, just more.

The brunette came out from the desk area and cleared her throat lightly. Buffy drew away first, a soft murmur of protest at the interruption meant to only be heard by Angel with his enhanced hearing. She turned in tandem with Angel to face the girl. Buffy rested her head against his shoulder, surprised at how comfortable it felt to have his arm around her and how easy it was to go back there. "Fred."

"I, um, sorry, I didn't realize it was a personal visit."

Angel wiped his mouth with his other hand, the one that moments ago had been at her hip. "It's all right, Fred. This is Buffy."

"Oh, Buffy, hi," she said, looking embarrassed. "I should have known."

"Buffy, this is Winifred Burkle, Fred."

"Hey," Buffy said.

"Did you need something, Fred?"

"Well, I was going to ask if you needed anything."

Buffy regarded Angel curiously, surprised at the feeling of worry that was weighing heavy on her just then. "Not right now, Fred, but I appreciate it."

"Sure, no problem. I'm going up to my room now, but I'll turn on the heat and put out fresh towels. It was nice meeting you, Buffy. Finally."

"Thanks, you too." She turned to face Angel then not overly discreet about the fact she wanted to get back to kissing.

He placed a fingertip gently against her lips, his eyes focusing on his fingertip and her mouth. "First, Buffy, why did you come here? Is something wrong?"

"No, I just needed to talk about some things I've been seeing, they're not dreams, but can't be real either. Memories of dreams, perhaps? So I decided to come see and talk to you. I hope I'm not in the way."

"You're never in the way, Buffy. No matter what you might think or whether we quarrel." He slid his hand so he was touching her cheek with the back of his hand, his eyes watching his hand almost as if he did not quite believe she was there. "I don't deserve you."

She laughed lightly, that sounded so ridiculous. "Ironically, you're the one reasonable thing in my life; you're the one thing that I have no regrets about. No matter what."

"Would you like the tour? Then you can tell me about your dreams."

"Sure," she said softly. He opened his arms, inviting her into them, and she took the invitation. She was always safe in Angel's arms, when she was sixteen she thought he could make everything better just by holding her, protecting her. So much had happened since then. She had died and been pulled out of heaven. She started to cry, not entirely sure why. The welcome he had given her was not exactly what she had expected, but it was good. Maybe that was why she felt like crying, some unexpected goodness after weeks of blandness and nothing.

He let her cry, let the tears fall, and merely stood there, stroking her hair, touching her, kissing the top of her head in an attempt to comfort her. Finally, the tears stopped and she had regained her composure. She stayed as she was with her head against his chest. "We had been together."

"We'll always be together, Buffy. I'm sorry it's just dreams where we get that. I dream about you all of the time."

"No," she said, shaking her head which was really her rubbing her head against his chest. "That we had sex together. That we were happy. We were together. But it was nowhere I recognized. It wasn't my bedroom, wasn't your room at the mansion or at the warehouse, and I've never been here to see your room here. The weird thing is I was awake when I saw the images at the mansion. I mean I had just woken up from a nap, but it wasn't a dream."

"You went to the mansion?"

"Yeah," she said with a shrug. "I was feeling a little lonesome and sorry for myself and went for a walk. It was too early to patrol, so my feet led me to the one place I used to go automatically when I felt lost and needed to be found."

"To me."

"Yeah," she said softly. "But I was awake. They were vivid, Angel, real. We were so happy. If nothing else, that was clear as day to me."

She felt Angel take a deep breath and it was strange hearing it since he did not need to breathe. "Anything else?"

"There was ice cream involved, which makes no sense. But nothing else that I can really remember, no. It just felt so real, so right, and I'd give anything to have it be anything but a dream, Angel. I don't mind sharing my dreams with you once in a while, or even having you make appearances in mine, but that's just cruel to give me a picture like that."

He breathed heavily again and stepped away from Buffy. "Let's go for a walk."

"Okay," she said confused, but having no problem spending more time alone with him. She wished he was not dismissing her so quickly, but she had said what was on her mind and was just happy to have some time with him. "Are we going somewhere?"

"Yeah, a walk, to talk in private."

"You have an entire hotel at your disposal and we need to go for a walk for privacy?"

"I didn't say we were going outside, Buffy," he said with a light laugh.

"Oh right. Okay."

"I figured I could give you a tour, show you some of the restoring I'm having done, I can't take credit for it."

"Like I know anything about that, but sure I'll look." She took his offered hand and let him lead her up the stairs. He was putting off saying something, Buffy knew that much.

They had been walking for what seemed like hours. He had shown Buffy Fred and Gunn's room, Wesley's room, Cordelia's room and the few uninhabited rooms he had started working on. It was nice walking with him. They did not say much, Buffy listened as Angel explained what he had done to each room. They held hands throughout the entire tour, kissing periodically almost as if they had to sneak them in. It was strange, this forbidden thing, knowing they could not act on anything but that the feelings were still there. "It's nice, Angel. And you're able to pay for all of this?"

"Well, since I'm restoring I'm entitled to some government funds, historical landmark type thing. I'll have to actually open it up for business once it's done."

"So you're going to run a hotel?"

"Well, I'll hire people to run it, wouldn't want to ruin my isolated, broody image, but yeah I'll be running a hotel. If I take my time, though, it could be years," he said with a wink. "And maybe the people who gave me the funds to restore it will be dead by then and I can wiggle my way out of it."

Buffy laughed lightly, knowing he was teasing but at the same time it was not that out of the question. They were back downstairs and in her room now, a suite adjoining Angel's. It was simply furnished, but elegant and obviously feminine. "You had a woman in mind when you did this one," she said. It was a statement, not a question and she was jealous at the thought.

"The one standing in it now, yes."

"You did this with me in mind?"

"Every square inch, Buffy. The wallpaper, the curtains, the carpet, the linens." She ran her hand along the ivory duvet and realized it was down. "I did ask Cordelia for some advice, but I only took the ideas I thought you'd actually like."

"It's beautiful."

"Wait until you see the tub," he said.

"I can't wait," she replied as he went to the fireplace and worked at starting a fire.

"We share it, but I did not think you'd mind sharing a bathroom with me."

"Not at all, I'm used to sharing a bathroom."

"It gets cold in here some nights; at least that's what the others tell me. It's an old building and the heat doesn't work real great. And being that you were unexpected, the heat wasn't on in this room until Fred turned it on. So, you might want to keep the fire going."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

She kicked off her boots and sat on the bed, watching him as he tended the fire. His back muscles would flex and relax. He looked perfectly natural using the fireplace tools that Buffy honestly had no clue what they were for.

"I'm trying to get you all set so that if you hate me you don't need me for anything else. The doors between our rooms do lock."

"I could never hate you, Angel."

"You say that now," he said softly, his hand gripping the poker.

"What is it, Angel?"

"I think those images you saw were memories not dreams."

"But that's impossible, Angel. I'd remember."

"No, you wouldn't," he said softly and turned to face her. "Do you remember when you came here after Thanksgiving?"

"After you snuck into Sunnydale and left without even a hello you mean?"

"Yeah, that one. And the demon that we killed in my office?"

"Yeah," she said cautiously. "Okay, you're starting to freak me out. Just spill and quit with the cryptic talk."

"The version you remember was the second run-through of that day, Buffy."

"Come again?"

"I don't even know where to begin. I'm glad you're remembering because I hate having the memories by myself."

"Did you do some sort of magic to make me forget?" she asked, shuddering at the thought. She was not sure what she was most upset with Willow for, bringing her back or taking away her memories and then giving them back to her. It only made it worse because they had all come back at once, which is what led to kissing Spike. Kissing Spike was of the bad.

"No," he demanded, falling into game face briefly. "I would never do that, Buffy. I had no choice. Well, I did, but there was no other choice for me. You weren't supposed to remember, but then perhaps the Oracles didn't count on you dying."

"Or having a powerful witch friend toy with my memories," she said bitingly.

"What?"

"Willow did this spell, she was trying to be helpful I guess, didn't like the mopey Buffy that had come back from the grave and wanted me to be happy, so she cast a spell to make me forget the badness. It sort of backfired, though," she said with a shrug. "We all lost our memories and then got them back in a big whoosh. I could have done without the picture show of the last six years coming back all at once. Who are the Oracles?"

Angel walked to the window, pulled back the floor length curtain that made Buffy feel sort of like a princess knowing he had her in mind when he had decorated the room. His voice started out soft, Buffy had to strain to hear him until she reminded him enhanced hearing was not a Slayer attribute. He kept his back to her the entire time he spoke, but it was easy to read his conflict and pain as his posture changed.

Buffy sat on the bed in stunned silence not sure what to say. He had played with her memories, but not in the same way Willow had. He had sacrificed being human, being with her to continue to be a warrior for the cause. As he said, the Oracles were not counting on Buffy dying and coming back from the grave. Had it not been for Willow's spell, though, she wondered if the memories would have come back. Willow's spell seemed to have sparked them, not being resurrected. Perhaps a combination of the two. Tears once again fell from her eyes, judging by the shaking of his body he was crying too. She wished she could be glad he was suffering, but she hated seeing him like this. To think he had lived with those memories for close to two years. He had returned to Sunnydale and seen her with Riley, knowing she had recently been with him.

"If you hate me, I understand."

"I could never hate you, Angel. Even when you were Angelus I couldn't hate you."

"Now you know why I wanted to cut out my unbeating heart when I found out about Finn."

"Yeah, your reaction to that makes a little bit more sense now," she said toying with the edge of one of the pillow shams. It was still hard to believe he had done all of this with her in mind. "Do you regret it?"

"My decision?" he shrugged. "Every day, but I know it was for the greater good, I know I wasn't there to help you with Glory but I would have if I had been here. But had I stayed human, Buffy, that chance would never have been there."

"I know," she said somberly. She took a tissue from the box next to the bed and laughed lightly. "You even have tissues in here?"

"I always knew one day you'd just show up, had to be ready."

"How did you know?"

"I don't know. How do we know anything about one another?"

"Yeah," she said softly. "Can't you talk to them?" she asked.

"To who?"

"These Oracle people. Can't you talk to them and maybe," she said and then stopped.

"Maybe what, Buffy?"

"Maybe they can make your soul permanent. I mean, we were happy that day, weren't we? I'm not mistaken in remembering that am I?"

"It's the happiest day of my entire existence, Buffy. I'd say Cordy telling me that Willow called with news that you were alive rates a close second. But making my soul permanent wouldn't change that I can't go out with you during the day, I can't give you children, and that you deserve those things."

"I don't care about children and I don't care about the daylight thing, Angel. I had a boyfriend who could take me out during the day and it was really not of the big. Don't you want me?"

"You know I do, Buffy."

"No," she said softly. "No, I don't."

"Buffy, in two hundred forty-six years, I've loved only you. But I made my decision based on the fact that I have to be here for some greater purpose. You told me that, remember, Christmas three years ago? As much as I believe loving you is noble, I can't help but feel that it's not my greater purpose."

"Can't you at least ask them?"

"And then what, Buffy? We have separate lives now, you're in Sunnydale where you're needed and I'm here where I'm needed."

"So we see one another when we can. There's nothing saying that I can't patrol in LA or that you can't help people in Sunnydale. I mean, I took the chance you gave me for a normal life and it didn't work. I don't think it's going to work either. If it didn't with Riley, who is it going to work with?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Yes, please, who would be better suited for me than a guy who knows about vampires and demons and the hellmouth, even if they had some scientific, government term for all of it? Other than a Watcher, which Giles is like a father and Wesley is, well, Wesley."

"You deserve so much better than me, Buffy. I hurt you, I've said things to you that I can't take back, and I've hurt people close to you."

"You don't think I've said things to people I can't take back? You don't think I've hurt my friends? Angel, soul or no soul, that's part of life. You don't think having a void in my life and in my heart where you should fill it hurts?"

"Buffy," he said raking a hand through his hair.

"Fine, whatever, I won't beg. You don't want it, I get it."

"No, Buffy, that's not it, I just don't think there's anyway to do it. I would think someone would have told me by now if there was."

"Have you asked? Maybe no one has really thought too hard on it. I mean, who here knows me besides Cordelia? And Wesley. So it's not like anyone has ever seen us together to know what the curse is keeping apart."

"I don't know, Buffy, it seems risky. What happens if we're told it's permanent and it's not?"

"So, we'll chain you up and have Willow on standby with the restoration spell." His eyes met hers briefly, a smirk on his lips, and her breath caught. For a moment, she was looking at Angelus not Angel. It was more eerie than frightening, which in itself was frightening. "What?" she asked.

"You're going to chain me up and have sex with me?"

"I, well, Spike has these chains that I think would keep you should Angelus break free. They held me."

That was apparently the wrong comment to make just then, because his game face fell into place accompanied by a full blown growl. Angel was across the room and on top of her in a matter of seconds, his body crushing her to the bed, his hands like vices gripping her upper arms. If she had blinked she would have missed it he was that fast. "What did Spike do to you?"

"Nothing, he didn't do a thing to me, I swear."

"Then how do you know about his chains?"

"He, well," she struggled to get out from under him. "Angel, you're scaring me. Stop it."

"How do you know about his chains, Buffy?" There was no sign of Angel currently; the demon was in control.

"It's nothing, Angel, really. He has this idea in his head that he loves me. He kidnapped me last year, chained me up in his crypt and offered to kill Drusilla as proof of his devotion to me."

"Did you sleep with him?"

"No! Angel, get off of me," she said trying not to be scared.

His hand went to her throat and he tilted her head from side to side. The growl had subsided somewhat, but it grew louder once more. "You've been marked."

"Not by Spike," she said resolutely. "It was Dracula."

The growl grew louder again. "You let him claim you?"

"I didn't let him, Angel. God, do you honestly think I'd let anyone do that?" That seemed to settle him, placate the demon because the growl subsided, his grip at her throat loosened. "Will you at least ease up a little?" she asked. She had made no effort to fight him off of her, but if he did not move now or at least allow her room to move she would. Even with the eyes of the demon in place she could tell when Angel took control once again. It had been three years since she had seen Angelus, but she still recognized the difference between the two.

"I'm sorry."

"There's no reason to be sorry, Angel, but tell me again why it would be a bad thing to at least inquire about this soul thing? I mean, you flip out because I mention Spike has chains we can use and because Dracula marked me, but you don't want to spend what time we have left together? I'm living on borrowed time, Angel, don't think I don't know that. I'd like to live it out happily. If that means we can only see one another on weekends, even if it means all we can do is kiss like there's no tomorrow, I'll live with that. I refuse to try and settle again for someone who isn't you and I refuse to be alone because you're trying to protect me. I died, Angel, I don't know what there is left for you to protect me from."

"I know," he said softly. With his hand still at her throat, he lowered his mouth to hers slowly, so slowly she wondered if he was trying to decide whether or not to kiss her. And then he kissed her, game face still in place. Her breath caught and she whimpered as his hand loosened its hold on her throat even more and his thumb began to rub against her collarbone. She had forgotten what it was like to be kissed like this, to be left breathless and wanting just from a kiss. Angel somehow managed to make her think he was the reason she was able to breathe when they kissed. It was funny, considering he himself did not breathe and could not give her breath.

She slid an arm around his neck and one around his lower back, drawing him closer to her, into her. If she could arrange it so their bodies melded together and became one so she would never have to be separated from him again she would. She broke the kiss, out of breath and panting, placing her forehead against his cheek. He nuzzled against her neck, the tip of one of his fangs grazing the skin there. "Why are you still in game face?"

"I went from being in an insane jealous rage to being insanely aroused, the demon wants release."

"How can we give him release without losing your soul," she asked softly. "I'm sorry, really."

"Don't be sorry, Buffy, don't ever be sorry for making me want you. It hurts and it's difficult, but don't ever be sorry." He nuzzled against her neck, nipping lightly but not breaking the skin. "The day I stop wanting you is the day I cease to exist. It's almost a curse on top of the curse," he said with a sardonic laugh.

"Laying in here is probably not of the good."

"I beg to differ with you, Buffy, I can't think of anything more of the good right now then to be here with you." She kissed the tip of his nose and snuggled against him. His weight on top of her did not bother her, in fact she liked it. "Stop squirming, Buffy," he hissed.

"What," she asked not even realizing what she was doing. And then it dawned on her. "Oh, sorry," she said lowering her head. "I don't suppose we could test the theory that the demon isn't you and therefore if it's the demon with me and not you no soul losing will come to pass."

"I don't know," he said after a moment's pause as if he were giving it some thought. "You'd do that? Let the demon have control?"

"With the soul, Angel, I trust you not to hurt me. You could have just a moment ago, I don't know what the claiming thing is you were talking about, but it obviously pissed you off more than the idea of Spike chaining me up did."

"It's exactly what it sounds like, Buffy. Claiming a mate could be considered the parallel to the human institution of marriage. Dracula had no right marking you after he saw you had already been, and he had to have seen."

"He did," she said, listening to him intently, her response was more automatic than anything.

"Without the soul I'd hunt him down for daring to go near you once he knew."

"So with the soul you're less possessive of me?" she asked. "You were still possessive of me without the soul?" she asked as an afterthought.

"Yes," he said evenly. "I'm the same man, Buffy, just with a conscious more or less that enables me to control the demon. So my feelings for you were still there, I hated them, hated you for making me feel them, but they were there. I had not done this yet," he said skimming her neck with his thumb. "So the instinct would be stronger now to defend what is mine."

She placed her hands at either side of his head and pulled him away from her neck, glad to see he was back in his human disguise. She ran the pad of her thumb over his mouth. "How have you lived with it? I don't even have all of the memories and it's almost too much to bear, knowing that I'm going to leave here and go back to being your ex."

"I've had to live with it, Buffy, there's nothing more I can do. I couldn't very well charge into Sunnydale and tell you what happened, as much as I wanted to when I found out about Riley. And I'll never look at ice cream again without thinking of you, but that's not so bad. I like having some pleasant memories of you, Buffy, there are so many bad ones in my head. And perhaps the Powers thought it was my just reward for what I put you through to have to live with that day."

She smiled wryly. "Maybe," she said shifting underneath him again, trying to get comfortable.

"Are you tired?"

"A little, I've been exhausted in general since I've been back. Restless. Going to the mansion didn't help I suppose."

"How are things for you financially?"

"They suck," she admitted. "I don't know what I'm going to do to make ends meet. I'm going to have to get a job, but I can't find one. Xander tried to get me on as a crewmember, but I screwed that up."

"Would you let me help you?"

"How?"

"Stay at the mansion. You and Dawn, Willow and her girlfriend if they want to. I'm paying for the utilities and everything anyway."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not. What attachment do you have to your house anyway? I mean, it's not the house you grew up in and you'd have no bills to worry about other than food. I'll even foot the bill for the phone and cable."

"But Angel, it's yours, I mean, I'd feel weird."

"Buffy, I gave you that ring three years ago and I claimed you two years ago, even if you made me to save my life. In both human and vampire terms you belong to me, let me help you. Let me do something right, something I'm supposed to do, let me take care of you like I should have been doing all along. You can't tell me Dawn wouldn't love living there."

"Well, sure she would, she always begs me to take her to see it."

"Well then, what's stopping you?"

"I can't live there without you, Angel. I can't. It would be too painful, and I'd be afraid you'd get mad at me or something and tell me to leave."

"That would never happen. If I ever do come back to Sunnydale I'd want to stay there, but I assume you'll keep my bed warm for me."

"That's assuming a lot, Angel," she said with a light laugh. "Coming from someone who won't even look into the spell."

"Is that what's holding you back? You could be a kept woman without having to give anything back."

"No, thanks," she said softly. "Only if I can claim you as mine, then maybe I'd agree to it." She grew quiet and snuggled against him, her mouth as if it had a mind of its own placed light kisses against his neck. "I miss this, being with you."

"I miss it, too, Buffy. Every day I wake up and have to remind myself why I chose this."

"Then why are we doing this? Why are we forcing ourselves to live apart?"

"I don't know that I know anymore," he said, his tone indicating he was admitting that begrudgingly. She nipped at his throat with her blunt teeth, in part out of play and in part out of frustration that he was making them stay apart. She tugged on the skin between her teeth and then released it. "Buffy," he said in a low growl.

"I'm hoping I'll do something to tempt you to check into that soul issue."

"You really want me to try?"

"Yes," she said softly. "Unless you can look me in the eye right now and tell me that you don't want me, that you want to live out the rest of my life with me."

"I could do it, but it would be a lie," he said softly finding her ear and kissing it. She groaned softly, tilted her head so he could kiss more if he wanted. "But the Oracles are dead, Buffy. Cordelia is my contact to the Powers That Be now, I have no direct link."

"Well, then get Wesley or I can ask Willow to research it, she might like to have a project to distract her from Tara."

He moved beside her on the bed. "You'd really chain me up?"

"If it would make you feel better about it, yeah. Does that bother you?"

"No," he growled. "I can almost guarantee it will be the demon not me in control."

"I told you already, Angel, I know he wouldn't hurt me."

"I'm glad you're so confident, Buffy. I've been losing control of it since coming here."

"Well, see, that has to tell you that your decision is not of the good, Angel."

"I kept hoping that time would fix it. I was trying to lose my soul when I sought solace with Darla, it didn't work and I think it hurt her more than it did anything to or for me. Other than I felt I betrayed you in the worst way possible, but I just didn't care anymore. And then you were gone."

"I know the feeling," she whispered. "It was one of the reasons things with Riley never worked, always in the back of my mind was the thought that I was betraying you."

"I'm glad, I might have told you I wanted you to have that life in the light, but I really don't. It tore me up inside that you made love to someone else. But I knew he could never claim you, never make you his in the same way I have."

"No one ever can, Angel." She felt his mouth grazing her neck; the marks on her neck were his focal point. "Does Dracula's bite override yours?"

"No, I was first, so no, but I did not do it to claim you and did not bind us together. I should have given you some of my blood to solidify the deal."

"I tasted some of his blood," she said and felt him stiffen.

"And?"

"He was trying to convert me, wanted me to let him turn me, tried to tell me that I would have unbelievable power as a vamped Slayer, that I had not even begun to realize the power I have. He had me drink from him, wanting me to see. I think he was counting on my seeing the darkness in me, the darkness in my being the Slayer. I did, but I only saw the goodness in my calling, that it might be rooted in darkness but it was for the good. I probably come from the same tree as you, but I'm not from the same vine. It didn't work, and I was able to get out from under the thrall then."

"I wish I had been there."

"No, you don't," Buffy said with a slight giggle.

"Why do you say that? And why are you laughing? I get the feeling I'm not going to like this."

"Well, he's not stupid, I'm sure you know that. He met up with my mom earlier in the day and charmed her into inviting him into the house for a cup of coffee." She felt his arm around her stiffen again, felt him draw her closer, and heard a soft rumbling in his chest that was the beginnings of a growl. "He didn't hurt her, but he was obviously able to come into the house then and came into my room while I was sleeping. I woke up the next morning and it took me a minute to remember, it was like I was in a fog. I guess the thrall thing he can do. Riley went ballistic when he saw the bite marks."

"You didn't cover them?"

"Well, sure, but he got suspicious for one reason or another, paranoid I guess, knowing you're a vampire and my ex and afraid I was going to transfer my affection for you to Dracula. Dracula wouldn't want a human lover I don't think," she said more as an aside than anything.

"I'd have to agree with you there. So Riley flipped out, good," he said and Buffy laughed. "What? I told you I didn't like him."

"Yeah, I remember. So if I'm your ex," she said shifting so she fit against him. "What were you doing preparing a room for me?"

"It gave me something to do, something to dream about, and something here that was yours. Cordelia thought I was nuts, but I think she just expects that from me when it comes to you."

"Are you going to stay with me? Or are you going to your room?"

"I can stay if you want."

"I want."

"Then I'll stay, Buffy."

"Do you want me to call Willow?" He grew quiet and Buffy looked over her shoulder at him. "Either you do or you don't, Angel. I told you I'll be with you regardless, but it would seem to me we'd be a lot better off if that portion of the spell was removed."

"Yeah, call her, have her research it. Make sure she knows that I was with Darla and didn't go Angelus on the world."

"There's something I'd rather not have to share with my best friend, but I suppose she'll need to know that."

"Are you jealous?"

"Yes," she said simply. "A little bummed that I caused it."

"Don't be, Buffy. Do you realize that means that I've only been truly happy in over one hundred years with you?"

"I guess I hadn't really thought about it like that, that is kind of cool I suppose," she said softly. He kissed her temple, his fingertips grazing the side of her neck, caressing the scars there which aroused something in her. It was not a sensual thing, but it definitely brought out a response in her. "What are you doing?" she whispered.

"Nothing, just touching you. Why?"

"It feels weird, different. I mean, I shouldn't feel anything, right? It's scar tissue."

"It's the bond, that's all, your body recognizes me. I'm your mate," he whispered against her ear, his right hand seeking hers and closing over it.

"You still wear the ring," she said, running a fingertip over it. The heart was pointed towards him.

"My heart will always belong to you, Buffy, I had no need to take it off."

"I'll bet the girls love me."

"What," he said with a light laugh.

"Oh come on, you can't tell me these LA girls haven't looked at you."

"I wouldn't know, Buffy."

"You wouldn't know," she said with a scoff.

"They're not you, so I don't want to know. I didn't leave you to try and move onto someone else, Buffy."

"I know that."

"I hope so."

Part 3

Buffy woke the next morning to loud knocking at the door leading to Angel's room. Angel was asleep beside her, his arm possessively wrapped around her. She had forgotten what it was like to sleep next to him. He looked dead with the no breathing thing that vampires have going on. With the aid of her Slayer strength she managed to get out from under his grasp and padded to the door. The carpet felt plush under her bare feet and the spot in front of the fireplace was nice and warm. Tousling her hair as she opened the door, she was surprised to see Cordelia, Fred, Wesley and another man she did not recognize standing there. Wesley had a crossbow pointed at her heart, actually where her heart would have been were she Angel's height, the other three carried weapons, too. "What the hell," she asked still waking up.

"Is Angel with you?" Wesley asked.

"Yeah," she said a little put off that they would come traipsing into his private room. "He's sleeping, so was I for that matter."

"And he's still Angel?" Cordelia asked.

"As far as I know, I can wake him up and ask him if you'd like."

"No, no, it's all right," Wesley said. "Forgive us, Buffy, but Winifred said she saw you and Angel were rather close last evening and we wanted to make sure you were all right."

"She said you were kissing a lot," Cordelia added as if Wesley's explanation had not painted a clear enough picture.

"So, in other words, you wanted to make sure he still had his soul and I wasn't dead in a pool of my own blood on my bed."

"Well, yeah, no offense, Buffy, but you two kissing is not exactly wise when it's been years since you've been together." Buffy imagined that was Cordelia's form of advice.

"Thanks, Cordelia, I don't think I would remember what happened the last time without you to remind me."

"Right, I suppose you would. I'm sorry, it's just I know how you two get around one another."

Four pairs of eyes shifted their attention past her and she turned to see Angel standing from the bed, slipping into the black silk shirt he had worn the night before. "Hey guys, what's up?" he asked, buttoning the shirt.

"They were making sure you're still Angel," Buffy said dryly, clearly not amused or overly pleased at the intrusion.

"So you decided to wake us up at eight in the morning to find out?" Angel asked, glancing at the four standing on the other side of the doorway bearing weapons.

"Well, I didn't think anything of it really," Fred admitted, "until there was no coffee made this morning. You always make coffee before you go to bed."

"I wasn't up all night like I normally am."

"I see that," she said and Buffy had to smile at her shyness.

"Okay, we've seen they're fine and Angel's still Angel, why don't we leave them alone," said the black man Buffy did not know. He was staring at Buffy, so much so that Buffy ran her hand along her hair wondering if she looked that terrible. She was wearing what she normally slept in, a pair of shorts and a camisole top so it's not like she was exposed or anything.

"Wesley, I'd like to talk to you if you have a minute and can stay." Angel asked.

Buffy could not quite get over the change in Wesley. The stuffy Englishman who had come to Sunnydale was not so obvious anymore. He was kind of cute now that he had let his hair down a bit. Angel apparently sensed her thoughts because she heard a low rumble coming from his throat. The others looked from her to Angel and back to her as she turned to face a game faced Angel.

She smirked and reached to touch his face. "It's okay, baby, I haven't seen him since he left Sunnydale, cut me some slack for noticing he's changed," she said running her fingertips along the ridges on his face. Her touch was light, soothing, almost as if she was petting him which she supposed she was in a way. This was his demon and she was trying to pacify it. She felt the weight of the four pairs of eyes on her back, but she did not care. Her eyes met his before she reached up to kiss him.

"He knows what you're thinking," the black man asked. She did not need to look to know which of the two men asked the question.

"Yeah," Buffy said softly, still caressing Angel's demonic face. "Come back to me, baby. There's no reason to be jealous of Wesley. We need his help, remember, so we don't want to scare him away."

"You were looking at him," he said gruffly.

"Well, sure I was, he was my watcher, remember? I haven't seen him in a while. You know he's not my type."

"Right, just like Finn wasn't your type."

"Exactly," she said with a smile. She ran her thumb along his lips, which met with a "Buffy, don't," from Wesley. "It's fine, Wesley. He won't hurt me."

"Buffy, you can't know that."

"I can know it, Wesley, and I do," she said and sure enough Angel's game face gave way to his human face. Buffy kissed him again lightly before turning to look at the others once again. Angel's arms went around her and she leaned against his chest. "It's nice to see you've changed, Wesley, LA has been good to you."

"Uh, right, thank you, Buffy. A pleasure to see you again, too. I was startled, but pleased of course, to hear you came back to us. The world, I mean," he said and Buffy chuckled lightly.

"Thanks, Wesley. I haven't decided yet how I feel about being back." She felt Angel's hold on her tighten. "Hopefully, you can help and I'll feel a lot better."

"Of course, I'll do whatever I can," he said simply.

"Cordy, Fred, Gunn, you can go man the phones. Anything comes in, let me know, I got a good night's rest and I'm up for some footwork today. How about you, Buffy?"

"Sure," she said with a shrug. "I'm always up for footwork. It comes with the Slayer package."

"And it's a nice package," the man Angel had addressed as Gunn had said.

"I'd be careful if I were you," Cordy said with that fake smile that Buffy remembered well. "You've never seen him with her, Gunn," she added as further warning.

"But his soul's intact," Gunn said.

"Dense much?" Cordelia asked. "The soul doesn't stop him from being possessive, you nitwit."

Angel seemed contented by contact with Buffy, but she decided perhaps it was best they get off the topic of her package and Angel's possessiveness. "I discovered after my friends left me to dig myself out of my coffin that the first instincts that kicked in were my Slayer instincts. Not my human instincts. I couldn't talk, couldn't see well, everything was in a fog, but I could still kick demon ass. I guess the rumor that I'm not entirely human after all is true."

"You had to what?" Angel practically roared.

"I told you that," Buffy said softly.

"No, you did not tell me that they left you to dig your way out, I would remember that and probably would have forgotten my vow not to hurt humans."

"It's okay, really. I don't know if I would have wanted them there honestly. When they found me after I'd gotten back to the house, they were all over me, surrounding me, talking at me. Spike was the only one who seemed to understand I didn't want to be bombarded with questions or offered pizza." She glanced at her now healed knuckles and sighed. "He just wanted to help me, fix my hands."

"I ought to rip their heads off," he said gruffly. "I'm glad Spike was there to help you. He was always good for taking care of someone in need, particularly someone he cares for." The last few words were strained, forced as if he was wrapping his mind around the concept of Spike claiming to have feelings for Buffy. But at least he did not go game face about it.

"Okay, this is getting us nowhere. Why don't you talk to Wesley while I call Willow? And it's probably best to lay off the ripping her head off statements until we know whether or not she can help."

"Right," he acquiesced. "There's a phone by your bed. Gunn, Cordy, Fred why don't you get to work."

"It's nice to see you again, Buffy," Cordelia said and Buffy wondered if the sincerity in Cordelia's voice was genuine.

"Thanks, Cordy, you, too," she said as Cordelia and the other two left Angel's room. "I think I'll hit the shower first. You did say something about a fabulous tub, right?"

"Yeah, take your time and enjoy," he said.

"Thanks, I'll only be a minute, especially if you're thinking of taking me along with you on a job, no need to get all prettied up just to hunt demons," she said. Buffy felt his eyes on her while she walked to get her shampoo and things. "I'll be out in a few."

"It's quite a surprise seeing Buffy," Wesley said once Angel had walked into his room, closing the door behind him.

"Yeah."

"She looks good. Is she doing well?"

"I think so, yeah. A little unsure about things and not overly happy, not that I can blame her, but I think she'll be all right."

"Good. You wanted to talk to me?" Wesley asked while Angel closed the door leading to the hallway.

"Yeah," Angel said taking a seat in his oversized armchair. He gestured for Wesley to take a seat as well. "I want you to look into making my soul permanent."

"Angel, do you think that's wise? I mean, the whole purpose behind your leaving Sunnydale was to give Buffy a normal life."

"And she doesn't want it, Wesley. She's an adult not a seventeen year old girl anymore and she still wants me. And I want her."

"We all know that, Angel, no big surprise there, but I still don't know if this is wise."

"Wesley, I'm not asking for your input here. Buffy wants to give us another chance, but she asked that I look into anchoring my soul."

"And if it can't be anchored?"

"She says she still wants to be with me, but I agree with her. If we're going to be together I should at least look into the possibility. It'd be one thing if I was a eunuch, but I'm not."

"No, of course not."

"I don't want to subject her to a life of forced celibacy if there is the chance I don't have to."

"And what's Willow for?"

"She did the restoration spell, so we figured maybe she could look into just what she did. Maybe it is already anchored, and that's why I didn't lose it last year."

"I'll do some research on my end, though I don't think your not losing your soul last year had anything to do with it being anchored, Angel. I'm glad you did not take that as evidence it was and do something irrational last night."

"I'm not stupid, Wesley," Angel said more abruptly than he meant to. "Let's keep this between us for now, until we know anything."

"Of course. You're sure you want to do this?"

"I have to try, Wesley. She said something last night that made some sense. I've been heading downhill fast, so obviously being away from her is not doing me any good."

"I can't argue with you there, I've been witness to your deterioration and I admit it is frightening. And as much as the Watcher in me rebels against the idea of the two of you together it seems that if the feelings are still there after your time apart it's perhaps wise to confront them and see them through."

"I guess that's what we're going to do; I just hope she doesn't regret it, particularly if there is no way to bind it."

"I'll find out, Angel, I assure you."

Angel stood from the armchair and walked to the door, opening it for Wesley. "Hopefully, I'll be a little better spirited around here now. I'm going to get dressed now I'll be out in a few minutes."

"Right, of course, I'm not used to seeing you waking up at this time of the day." Wesley stood and cleared his throat lightly. "I'll begin my research then."

Angel knocked on the bathroom door and received a "come in," so he entered, averting his gaze in case she was still in the tub. Not that seeing her nude form as she bathed was offensive, but it was probably wisest not to tip the scales too extremely at this point. "It's okay, Angel, I'm dressed, I am just doing my hair."

"Okay, good," he said looking at her as he leaned against the doorjamb. She looked better than she did yesterday, brighter, less downtrodden. Was that because of him? Was he partially responsible for her depression? He hoped not, and if he was that was in the past now. "I wanted to take a shower."

"Oh, okay," she said looking flustered. "Just let me know when you're done."

"You can stay if you want to, Buffy, you won't be able to see me in the mirror anyway," he said with a smirk. He certainly was not going to object if she wanted to turn around and look at him, but he suspected she would not. Oddly, she seemed just as innocent as their first time together despite knowing she had been with Finn since. It was nice she still had that quality to her.

"I, um, okay, just let me know when you're in the shower then," she said leaving the bathroom quickly.

Angel chuckled as he shed his clothes, ensuring his robe was on the hook just outside the shower stall in case he needed it and stepped into the shower. "You can come back in, Buffy," he called out and watched as she came into the bathroom, avoiding looking at the shower stall.

He tried talking to her, but she was quiet as if she was afraid to talk to him. It was sort of endearing, and part of the reason he had been attracted to Buffy to begin with. She had always had an innocence about her that Angel sensed was not false, and still had it despite what she had seen and experienced in her life. She was gone when he turned the shower off, so he skipped the robe and merely toweled off before heading to his room to dress. It had been a long time since he actually thought about what he was going to wear for the day. He decided on a crimson silk shirt from his highboy, one Buffy had always liked.

He had just finished tying his shoes when Buffy knocked on the door between their rooms. He stood from his bed and walked to the door, opening it. "You all ready?"

"Yeah," she said, pressing a hand against his chest, touching his shirt. "Did you wear this for me?"

He shook his head, smiled and then said, "yes."

"Tease. Are you trying to make it so I can't keep my hands off of you?"

"That was sort of the idea, yeah."

"Oh good," she said, leaning towards him to kiss him. She drew back too quickly for Angel's liking and it must have been apparent on his face, because she answered his question without him having to ask it. "We should probably leave the room now. At least for a little while. Some coffee and breakfast would be of the nice."

"Oh right, I wasn't even thinking about food. Sorry."

"It's okay, I wouldn't expect you to, being that you don't need to eat and all."

"But you didn't even have dinner last night or anything. I really do remember my manners, Buffy."

She silenced him with another quick kiss. "It's okay, really. Did you talk to Wesley?"

"Yeah, he's going to research it."

"And Willow said she and Dawnie would come up tonight," she said, taking hold of his hand. Her warmth was still a shock to him, almost new again. He had gone so long convincing himself he had to deprive himself of the warmth she had to offer him that he pushed to the back of his mind what she felt like. "To help with the research. I think she's going to see about getting Spike's chains, too."

He could hear her heartbeat pick up with those last words, which surprised him. He was not sure if the idea of the chains themselves created the reaction or just what the chains represented to their relationship. Finn had not struck Angel as the type to go for that sort of thing, though maybe he was different in the bedroom. He growled at the thought of anyone but him laying a hand on Buffy in that fashion and had to push the demon down. Angel was no stranger to various things that would probably make Buffy run in the other direction if she found out about them.

"It'll be nice to see Dawn. I didn't get down there after you died. I should have and really have no excuse, other than I just didn't know what to say to her."

"It's okay," she said as they headed toward the lobby. "I smell coffee."

"Wesley or Fred, they like their morning coffee."

"I'll have to thank them. Who's the other guy?"

"His name is Charles Gunn, but we call him Gunn. He's sort of a self-proclaimed slayer, but without the superpowers to go with the title. But he's good to have on my team."

"And Cordelia's your connection to the Powers That Be now?"

"Yeah," he said evenly.

"You've assembled quite a team. A former Watcher, a seer, two warriors. What's Fred?"

"She's a genius and she's learned to fight pretty well. She's human, but she helps more often than not."

"Who's that?" Gunn called from where he stood on the other side of the reservation desk.

"Fred."

"Oh yeah, that's my girl, learning to fight the demons."

"We can always use an extra hand," Buffy admitted. "Anya never has gotten with the slaying, though. She tries, she just," Buffy shrugged. "Doesn't have it. Xander does fairly well, and Willow, she has this mind communicating gig going on. I guess when I was, well, gone, she would stand on top of a crypt to get an aerial view of the cemetery and tell the gang where the baddies were."

"She's gotten that powerful," Wesley asked coming out of the kitchen sipping a cup of coffee.

"Yeah," Buffy said simply. "The fact that she brought me back might have given you a clue to that, Wes."

"Right, I guess I wasn't thinking when I said that. Would you like a cup of coffee, Buffy?"

"I'll get some in a minute, thanks and Willow will be up tonight, so you'll get to talk to her yourself."

"Willow's coming," Cordelia said. "What is this, a Sunnydale reunion? Please tell me Xander isn't coming with his little honey."

"No, and they're not together anymore. At least I don't think so," Buffy said with a shrug. "I haven't really taken the time to ask. She sort of creeps me out sometimes. Though she did help me with my bill situation, she's good with money I'll give her that."

"Well, your bill situation would be taken care of permanently if you move into the mansion like I want you to do."

"You're giving her the mansion?" Cordy asked and Angel had to chuckle.

"Well, for now I'm just trying to talk her into moving into it. It's standing empty and she wouldn't have to get a job then, or at least she wouldn't have to take the first job that's offered her."

"And you're arguing about this, Buffy? No offense, but you never were very bright. You'd rather stay in the house your mother died in then live in that huge place. Just the decorating ideas alone for all those rooms would be enough to make me high."

"I'm thinking about it," Buffy said and Angel could feel her arm tense. She released his hand and smoothed down her pants. He had hoped she would wear a skirt, he liked her in skirts, but he imagined the idea of running through the sewers might have influenced her choice in clothing. The white peasant like top she wore was low enough that it gave him clear view of the fact she was wearing his cross. It left her shoulders bare, which Angel did not mind at all. He liked being able to see as much of Buffy as he was allowed to see.

It was at times like this, when she was just standing beside him, that he had to remind himself how powerful a woman she was. No one would know it to look at her; she was a prime example of how deceiving looks could be. As good as Gunn was, Angel would choose Buffy to fight beside him and cover his back any day. And that was based on her abilities before he left Sunnydale; chances are she had improved since then.

"Hopefully, she'll be doing it and not thinking about it by the time she finds her way back down to Sunnydale," Angel said leaning against the reservation desk. He crossed his arms over his chest and regarded her for a minute. He had feared when she arrived the prior evening that something was wrong, he certainly had no idea this was how her visit was going to turn out. He had Buffy again; it was almost too good to be true. Maybe it was, but Wesley was right he had to let this play out this time. He had tried to take the high road once before and while he might not have lost his soul Angel knew he had been slipping of late. The soul alone did not stop Angel from letting the demon have free reign, it was Angel's desire to fight the good fight that did it. And depriving himself of the one bright spot in his life had muddied the waters as to just how much he desired doing good.

"So," Buffy said and Angel almost felt bad for her. Cordelia and Wesley already knew Buffy so they were not scrutinizing her, but Gunn and Fred had never met Buffy before. Neither was being discreet with their curious glances. "Want to train?"

"What?" Angel asked.

"You heard me. You're up, I'm up, do you want to train?"

"Don't you want some breakfast?"

"I'll eat after we're done, or I'm done if you don't want to. I assume you have a place to train."

"Yeah, we converted one of the lounges into a training room," Gunn volunteered. Angel was still trying to figure out what she was doing. Was she trying to prove something? Then again, maybe she just wanted to spar, it was possible.

"Well, let's go," she said clapping her hands. "I haven't trained since I've been back. Giles seemed to not want to push me and he's not quite the same as sparring with you."

"Sure then, let's go. Do you want weapons?"

"You guys spar with weapons?" Fred asked and Angel chuckled.

"Nah, not this time anyway," Buffy responded overlapping Fred's question. "Maybe later, it's been a while since we've sparred I wouldn't want to hurt you."

Gunn coughed. "You hurt him?"

Buffy frowned and glared at Gunn. "Uh, yeah."

Angel pushed off from the counter, deciding it was probably time to separate Buffy and Gunn for now. "Let me show you to the training room, you can warm up for a bit while I tend to things out here."

"Great," Buffy said and sent him a look of gratitude. Okay, she was uncomfortable, not unexpectedly given she was the outsider of the group rather than the other way around. "Lead the way."

Part 4

Angel sat at the table watching the others as they ate their Chinese takeout. They did not normally eat as a group. Even though they all lived in the Hyperion they did their own thing. They were coworkers and while there was more to their relationship than that, they certainly were not family. Friendship was probably too simple a word to apply to it, but as he glanced at the four humans at the table he had a feeling of belonging he had missed.

"I'd forgotten how good Chinese food can be," Buffy said in between bites.

"Definitely," Cordelia was quick to agree. "I don't know how I survived in Sunnydale as long as I did. Everything in LA is better."

"I imagine not living on the hellmouth might have something to do with that," Buffy said dryly.

"Maybe, but we have our share of demons and what not here, too, you know."

"I do know, Cordelia. I'm from here, remember?"

"Oh, that's right, I forgot."

An alarm went off and Angel stood. "It's just someone coming into the lobby. I'll get it, you all eat."

Buffy glanced at the clock and looked at Angel, he could see her concern. It was well past seven o'clock in the evening, a little late for clients walking in off the street. But then again, in this line of work there was no such thing as banker's hours. It was one thing that he had to his advantage being a vampire and being awake nights, someone was always on duty to take a call.

He left the room and walked to the lobby, a smile came to his face when he spotted Willow and Dawn. "Angel," Dawn said and closed the distance between them quickly. Angel gave her the hug he should have given her months ago but had been too stuck in his own world to do it.

"Hey Dawn, good to see you, kiddo. You've grown up," he said drawing away. He regarded her, remembering the first time he saw her. She had been eleven, still in elementary school. That was not true; Angel knew that Dawn had not existed until about fourteen months ago. But the memories were still there. Memories of Angel fearing what Drusilla might do if she discovered the Slayer had a younger sister when she and Spike had first arrived in Sunnydale.

"Yeah, well, that's what you get for staying away for so long."

Angel had no come back to that, she was right, he had stayed away too long. She knew why, though, he knew that. "Hey, Willow," he said to Buffy's best friend. Angel still did not know how to treat her given what Buffy had told them earlier that morning about having to dig herself out of her coffin. "Glad you guys could make it. We're in the other room; Chinese takeout was the meal de jour."

"We already ate actually," Dawn said, pushing some of her hair behind her ear. A gesture that was so Buffy it was a little scary.

"I've got your bloody bags, now we are staying here, right? Oh, hello, Peaches," Spike said from the front doorway.

"Spike," Angel replied evenly, remembering Buffy said he had been the one to treat her right after she had come back. And that he had stayed in Sunnydale to look after Dawn after Buffy had died. "I didn't realize you were coming."

"Well, when Red mentioned needing my chains, I had to know what exactly it was the Slayer needed them for. Besides, they cost me a pretty penny, I wasn't about to just up and part with them."

"What does she need them for, Angel?" Dawn asked and Angel met Willow's gaze.

"We're not sure she will yet, Dawn."

"I get it it's one of those Dawn's too young to understand things."

"No, it's just something Buffy is trying to keep under wraps for now."

"I don't know what's going on either, Niblet, so I don't think it's an age thing. Peaches here might just be telling you the truth."

"Well, since you're not hungry I'll show you to your rooms. Spike I wasn't planning for you, so I hope you don't mind having to make your own bed."

"I can manage to do that I don't even need sheets, slept on the ground before."

"You can sleep on my floor," Dawn offered.

"I don't think Buffy would like that," Spike and Angel said overlapping one another. Only Spike's "Niblet," at the end of the statement was different.

"I thought I heard familiar voices," Buffy said. "Thanks for coming guys."

"No problem, any excuse to get out of Sunnydale for a night isn't a problem."

"Spike, what are you doing here," Buffy said and Angel sensed her apprehension. He glanced at Spike curiously.

"Slayer," Spike said simply, but there was an underlying tone to his voice that Angel did not like one bit. Buffy had mentioned Spike thinking he was in love with her, but he had thought she was exaggerating. Evidently, she was not. "I just came with the chains, curious what you wanted them for," Spike admitted. "I figured maybe there was a big bad in town you needed them for."

"Hopefully not," Buffy said.

"I was going to show them to their rooms, but if you want to take Willow and Dawn to theirs I'll take Spike to one."

"Sure. Let's go," Buffy said leading Willow and Dawn up the stairs to their room.

"What are you really doing here, Spike?" Angel asked as he approached his grandchilde.

"I told you, just came with the chains. I guess it's sort of habit to protect the little bit, so I just came along for the ride."

"Good," Angel said, sensing there was more to it than that but he let it go for now. "We were going to go make some rounds in a bit, an extra hand is always welcome."

Spike shrugged. "Sure. Just show me to a room, Peaches, and I'll be out of your way. I could do with some blood if you have some to spare."

Angel placed a hand on Spike's shoulder. "No problem, Spike, my boy," he said and led him to the stairs. He assumed Buffy would want to talk to Willow some in private, and had no idea how long that would take. He had forgotten how nosey Dawn was, that could be a problem if they needed to do some sort of spell. Angel assumed there would be magic involved.

"I'll put you across from Wesley. Dawn and Willow are just down the hall."

"You've got this huge hotel and you put us all in a group."

"It's the only floor that's fully functional, Spike. You're welcome to pull up a piece of floor somewhere else if you want, but none of the showers work either."

Angel opened the door for the room across from Wesley's after stopping at the linen closet to get bedding and towels, which he promptly handed to Spike. "Make yourself at home. Come on down whenever you're ready and I'll show you where the blood is kept."

"Thanks, mate," Spike said regarding the room. "Nice digs."

"Thanks," Angel said sincerely. This was certainly better than their last meeting had been. Maybe that chip was not so bad after all. "See you later."

"Right," Spike said after a moment's pause. Angel was tempted to ask him what he had really wanted to say, but refrained. It was none of his business and probably better if he did not pursue Spike's train of thought.

"Angel," Buffy said as he was walking down the hall.

"Did you get Willow and Dawn settled?"

"Yeah, Dawn's still in awe of her room and the idea she has her own bathroom, so we may not see her for a while. Willow will be down to talk to Wesley in a while."

"Good," he said draping an arm around Buffy. He lowered his voice, knowing how sound carried in the old hotel. "Are you all right with Spike being here?"

"Yeah, sure, Spike's fine. I told you he helped while I was gone with Dawn and everything, not to mention the torture he endured from Glory to protect her."

"Just making sure."

"Nothing I could do about it anyway, so no sense being bothered."

"Good point," he lowered his head to nuzzle against Buffy's neck. "Even if they can't find a way to anchor it, we could try out those chains of Spike's you know?"

"Angel," she said and blushed fiercely, which made Angel chuckle. "I don't feel like making love to Mr. Hyde one minute and Dr. Jekyll the next."

"Dr. Jekyll may just surprise you."

"I'll just bet he would, baby, but I want Mr. Hyde maybe with a bit of that Jekyll sprinkled in."

"Hopefully, we'll get to find out just how much of a sprinkling you want."

"Let's spar a bit," Buffy said and Angel realized perhaps he had pushed too far. He had been tempted to correct her little faux pas, but he knew what she was trying to say with the Hyde/Jekyll comparison. Now was not the time to make her feel stupid or that he thought he knew more than she did so he remained quiet about her reversal of personalities.

"Again? Buffy, we went at it for two hours this morning."

"Yeah, and I'm going to be patrolling tonight, I want to loosen up. Besides I like sparring with you it's better than a punching bag."

"You just finished eating."

"I didn't eat that much. Any other excuses?"

"No," he said and walked with her toward the training room.

They wrapped one another's hands and Angel put some music on for them to spar by. It was loud enough to provide some background noise yet not too loud as to distract them. Angel unbuttoned and slipped out of his silk shirt, leaving himself in just his tank undershirt.

In the morning, they had really focused on training, building on the exercises they had worked on together at the mansion before he left Sunnydale. Angel could tell that this time was going to be physical. She wanted a true sparring. Perhaps it was nerves about what was going to be forthcoming once Wesley and Willow put their collective heads together, but Angel was up for a good sparring too.

He really was surprised at her improvement. She was amazingly fast, amazingly agile, and amazingly perceptive. She seemed to know his moves before he had conscious thought of them. No wonder fighting Glory had been so frustrating for Buffy; Angel could not picture anyone but a god beating her anymore. He just hoped she kept this attitude and enthusiasm up on the playing field.

They were both fast and defended themselves well, well suited to fight one another. Angel knew now without a doubt that if Angelus did return he would be hard pressed to win against this Buffy. Four years ago Buffy had a chance but not nearly as good a chance as she did now. They did not hold back, both punching and kicking to connect. Neither was aware of the audience that gathered to watch them both so focused on one another and their next move.

Buffy was breathing heavily, but showed no sign of fatigue and Angel was enjoying this battle between them of both brawn and brains that he would not have really noticed even if she had shown signs of being tired. She ducked under one of his high kicks and caught his foot, flipping him so he landed on the mat flat on his back. She landed on top of him, straddling him, her hands at either side of him on the mat. "Good fight," she said softly.

"I can tell you enjoyed it," he said with a wide smile and she blushed. He could not resist reaching up and touching her face, his thumb catching a few beads of perspiration at her hairline.

"That was amazing, guys," Dawn said and Buffy's head jerked up at the intrusion dislodging Angel's hand from touching her.

"Thanks," Buffy said and stood, offering a hand to Angel who took it. Buffy took one of the towels Angel kept in the training room and blotted off her face and neck, leaving it around her neck before tossing one to Angel. "I didn't know we had company."

"It's not very often we get to watch two people make a dance out of it like you two do," Gunn said.

"A dance?" Buffy asked with a frown.

"Sure, you two are flawless," Gunn said. "It's like you have been doing this every day."

"We have," Buffy and Angel said together. "In our heads," Buffy clarified when Gunn looked a little stupefied.

"Say what?" Gunn said.

Buffy blushed and lowered her head. "I'm going to shower before we head out. You can explain it to them if you want. Not that they'll understand it anyway."

"Spike, are you coming with us?"

"Sure, Slayer, you know I don't miss a chance to get a kill."

"Right, another notch on your belt," Buffy said and Angel noticed Spike's frown.

"So you going to explain that to me, Angel?" Gunn asked.

"Well, it's hard to explain, but Buffy and I trained together extensively the year before I left for LA. I think we both just picture one another in our minds when we train, so it's sort of like fighting one another."

"Sounds freaky."

"You should see the dreams we share."

"Not being able to get a piece physically, I don't think I'd want to be a fly on the wall in one of your dreams."

Angel's game face was in place and Gunn was pinned up against the wall, his shirtfront clutched in Angel's hands which were balled into fists in a flash. To the naked eye, his movement from point a to point b was probably missed completely. "You treat her with the respect she deserves, you hear me, Gunn? She's not a piece. She's the fucking chosen one, the Slayer, and no one is going to treat her any less than that in front of me."

"Separate," Willow called out and Angel was ripped away from Gunn.

"Okay, Angel, man, no need to vamp out on me. I was just saying, now I understand your moodiness last year when you knew she had a boyfriend. I would have blown a gasket myself, and I certainly wouldn't blame you for dreaming about her. I probably wouldn't have had the willpower you have had, honestly, soul be damned."

Angel clutched his knees, regarding Gunn still in game face. "I let you get away with the comment this morning, boy, but that's it. She's not a mantel piece for you to ogle over."

"It seems to me, Angelus," Spike spoke from the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. "That you don't have much right to say who can and cannot ogle over her."

"Spike," Willow said her tone laced with warning. "Not now."

"You don't like my rules, childe, get out of my house," Angel said as he stood to his full height. "I'm going to change. Willow, I assume you will stay behind with Dawn and Wesley."

"Yeah, sure, I wanted to talk with Wesley some anyway."

"Good to see you again, Willow," Wesley said from behind Spike in the doorway. "I've heard you've grown in power and ability, I look forward to hearing about your progress since last we met."

"Thanks," Willow said. "It has been a while."

"Everyone weapon up and be ready to go in ten minutes," Angel said before brushing past those standing in the doorway and left the training room.

Part 5

Spike spent the better part of the night's rounds feeling not just out of the loop as far as what was going on, and there was something going on, but it cut him more than he thought it would to see Angel and Buffy working together again. For the past year or so Spike had been there to help her, not that she really needed help when it got down to it. But Buffy and his grandsire seemed to be pretty much ignoring everyone else in their little patrolling party. The fact that they did in fact work better together than Buffy had with Spike or her soldier boy only served to twist the knife in the already existing wound.

They were making their way from the last cemetery they were going to cover for the night when Spike walked upon what he imagined was supposed to be a private moment between his grandsire and the Slayer. He was not overly surprised Angel had not sensed Spike's presence given his attentiveness to Buffy. He was checking a wound on her cheek, the touch more intimate than the gesture warranted. And then Spike watched as Angel kissed her. He did not want to watch, but it was like an accident scene he had to watch for fear he would miss something.

"The chains are for you, aren't they?" Spike asked, realization dawning on him. "You're going to shag her and have the witch on standby to restore your soul again while you're still chained."

"Spike," Angel said softly.

"I'm right, aren't I? You have a lot of nerve, Slayer, wanting my stuff so that you can get your rocks off."

"No, I mean, yes, but no," Buffy said walking up to Spike. "Can you just trust us?"

"Trust you two? You get with the pelvis touching and we're back to Angelus trying to rid the world of humanity again. Have you forgotten what he did to you and your friends, Slayer?"

"No, just like I haven't forgotten what you did either. Spike, Willow and Wesley are working on anchoring his soul, making it permanent. So, yes the chains are for us, but I would never make love to Angel if I knew for sure he would lose his soul. But it's the only way we can find out, and I knew your chains were of the superhuman strength variety because they held me."

"So, after all is said and done, after everything I've done for you, you're going back to him?"

"Spike, I appreciate everything you did for me and for Dawn. I told you after what Glory did to you that what you did was real and I would never forget it, and I meant that. But I never said I loved you, Spike. I never even said I liked you like that."

"We kissed, Buffy."

"Spike," Buffy hissed under her breath.

"You what?"

"It was one kiss, Angel," Buffy whispered.

"Two," Spike clarified.

"Spike, you're not helping."

"I don't really want to help in this instance, pet," Spike said enjoying the look on Angel's face. The pained expression at the thought of his beloved Buffy kissing Spike was almost worth losing her over.

"You kissed him. Buffy?"

"Yeah, I did, all right. Do you have any idea what it was like to be brought back? To be ripped out of a place where I was happy and at peace, where I didn't have to fight every minute, where I didn't have to worry about bills and losing my house, where I knew that my friends and Dawn were safe? I lost that, and you had left me. I kissed him before I got those memories back. Spike was the only person since I've been back I could talk to. He listened when I needed to talk, didn't judge me, and I needed that. But it wasn't enough, I wanted to feel, and I thought that would do it. It might have, too, I suppose but then I got those memories back and I had to come here and find out what it was I was remembering."

"What memories, Slayer?" Spike asked, almost afraid to ask.

"It's personal, Spike. And I'm sorry I kissed you okay? I mean, it wasn't my fault. If anything, blame Willow, she's the one who did that crazy memory spell."

"So you're saying if it weren't for Red and her witchcraft I would have had a shot with you?"

"I don't know, I can't answer that. I wasn't thinking clearly when I kissed you, either time. They were both out of desperation, wanting to feel something other than misery for a brief moment. I want to be with Angel, Spike."

"Bloody brilliant, well, don't come looking for more than kissing when the soul anchoring thing doesn't work, Slayer. I love you, but I'm not going to be your consolation prize."

"I would never ask you to be, Spike. I've never lied to you, you know."

"I know," Spike admitted. She had been nothing but brutally honest with him. So honest it hurt sometimes. "Right, well, I hope it works for your sake, Slayer, not for his. He doesn't deserve you." He shrugged, shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather duster as Angel's version of Buffy's Scoobies approached them. "Are we done then?" Spike asked with a frown as Buffy's attention was already on Angel again. Was there a woman in Spike's life that he did not have to compete with Angel for?

"Yeah, let's head back," Angel said. "You all right over there, Gunn?"

"Yeah," he said but he did not sound overly convincing even to Spike.

"Angel, he needs to get to a hospital," Buffy said and Spike smelled it then, blood.

Buffy rushed to Gunn's side to offer him her support, Spike watched as she placed her hand on the wound under his ribcage. How had it escaped Spike's notice until now? Too focused on being jealous and irritated at the situation he imagined.

"No, no hospitals," Gunn said.

"Is he always this stubborn?"

"Yeah, I'll get him stitched up when we get back."

"Okay," Buffy said. Spike chuckled, he could tell she was not convinced. "At least let me help you back to the car."

"I can manage, Buffy."

"I know you can manage. Geez, this isn't because I'm a girl is it?"

"No," Gunn said. "Well, okay maybe a little."

"Fine. Angel," she called. "You help him back, never mind that I could pick him up and carry him if I had to. Come on, Spike," Buffy said and stalked off in the opposite direction of Angel's car.

"Smart move, moron," Spike hissed in Gunn's direction. "A brassed off Slayer is not what you want on your hands." He met Angel's gaze evenly and followed Buffy. "I'll make sure she gets back safely."

"What?" Gunn asked.

"You pissed her off, idiot. She's gone off to find something more to kill. Sorry, Peaches, I'd offer to take him back instead and let you go traipsing off after her, but I don't have suturing skills. Looks like you just have to trust me with your woman."

"If anything happens to her, Spike."

"I won't do anything to her, I can't hurt her anyway, remember?"

"The only reason I haven't killed you for this, Spike, is because she claims you were good to her, and to Dawn."

"Right," Spike said and stalked off in the direction Buffy had gone.

He saw her sitting on top of a headstone, stake at the ready, left foot crossed over the right, kicking her feet up. He had seen this pose many times, she was stewing.

"Your problem is, pet, you take things too personally. No man, human or vampire, likes to have a bit of a girl show them up, particularly in front of their girlfriend."

"I didn't show him up, I offered to help him. Whatever. It's okay for me to be the Slayer to kill things when I'm with them, but not otherwise. It's just stupid."

"Buffy," he said cautiously. "What's this really about? If Angel is pressuring you."

"No, he's not, Spike, not at all. I didn't want him to leave Sunnydale to begin with, he chose to leave. Life is too short and I refuse to live what time I have left miserable. He seems to agree, and apparently hasn't been doing all that well with our separation either."

"I guess you won't be needing me then."

"Spike, don't say that. Angel's going to be staying here and I'll still be in Sunnydale, I'd be happy to have your help. Unless you want to go?"

"I don't know, I'll think about it. I'd miss Niblet."

Buffy smiled with a shake of her head. "And she'd miss you. I would, too. I had hoped if nothing else we were sort of becoming friends, more than simply allies at any rate."

"I had hopes for more than friendship, pet."

"I can't choose who I love, Spike."

"I understand that, you don't think it haunts me that I fell for you. Angel has his soul, I don't, it goes against everything I know to feel this way for you."

"You know, Angel has offered to let me live at the mansion."

"You going to do it?"

"I'm thinking about it, it'd be nice not to have to worry about bills so much, and Dawn would love it."

"Yeah, Niblet would go crazy in that place."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you do decide to stay and if you're tired of your crypt, there'd be room for you there."

"Better make sure he won't mind that."

"I think he'd like knowing you're there to look out for us. No one's going to try to break into a house where a vampire, the Slayer and a powerful witch lives."

"I don't suppose they would. I'll think on it, Slayer. It's not exactly the kind of live-in arrangements I pictured when I pictured being with you."

"I guess not," she said somberly.

"You ready to head back then, don't want Peaches to worry about you."

"Yeah, I'm really not in the mood to," she started to say but was cut off by the appearance of a newly risen vamp struggling to get out of his grave. She jumped from the headstone and walked to where the vamp was. "Sorry, buddy," she said as she stuck the stake through his heart. Normally, she gave them the chance to at least get out of the grave, but obviously she was not in the mood for an actual fight just then. That was good, Spike realized. That meant he had calmed her down some.

They walked in silence in the direction of the Hyperion. They were about a block away when Spike decided to pose the question that had been on his mind since he realized who and what the chains were for. "What if his soul can't be anchored, Buffy? What then?"

"Then I guess it doesn't get anchored and we live the rest of my life out the same way we did after he came back to us."

"And you can do that?"

"If it means having him in my life, yes," she said simply. "I can't do it anymore, Spike."

He placed an arm around her, his hand resting on her shoulder. "Then I wish you luck, pet. Far be it from me to tell anyone not to follow their heart."

"Thanks, and I am sorry I kissed you. I mean, not sorry exactly. It was nice."

"Yeah, it was, and I knew what you were doing. I'm not stupid you know."

"I know. You're a good man, Spike, you know there are girls out there who would be happy to have you."

"You think so?"

"I know so. So don't go looking for Drusilla or Harmony, okay?"

"Wouldn't dream of it," he said with a scoff. He would always love Drusilla, but he would never go back to her. Not again. Choosing Angelus over Spike had been one thing, Angelus and Drusilla had a past when Drusilla turned Spike. It was at least somewhat forgivable in Spike's eyes. But choosing a chaos demon over him was another thing entirely.

They entered the Hyperion and Angel was nowhere to be seen, but Gunn was lying on one of the lobby couches, apparently waiting for them.

"Listen, Buffy," Gunn said as he stood slowly. He was shirtless now, and the gash under his ribcage was not as bad as the blood stain on his shirt had made it seem. "I didn't mean to be a prick earlier."

"No problem," Buffy said. "You're all right, that's what matters most."

"Need help getting up the stairs, mate?" Spike offered.

"Sure. Buffy, they're waiting for you in your room."

"Thanks," Buffy said walking toward a hall Spike had not been down.

"Where are you going, pet?"

"To my room."

"You're room is down here?"

"Yeah, it's real nice, too, maybe you can see it tomorrow."

"Right," Spike grimaced. If Red and Watcher Junior were able to do their mojo on Angel, Spike suspected no one would see Buffy or Angel for days. "Lucky bastard," Spike muttered.

"What's that?"

"Nothing, mate, let's get you up to your room," Spike said and walked with Gunn upstairs.

Part 6

Buffy knocked on Angel's door and went in when she was told to. "Hey guys," she said. "Sorry I ran off earlier."

"It's okay, Buffy, I let Gunn hear about it."

"I should be used to it by now, but when it's someone in our line of work I just lose it sometimes."

"Buffy," Willow said offering her a smile. "I was just getting done explaining to Angel that everything I could research about the spell I did indicates it's just the restoration."

"So it should be permanent? It's been permanent all along?"

"It seems that way, yes."

"Okay, so what's with the long faces?"

"Well, the thing is that I don't have the original spell that Miss Calendar's clan performed to compare the two."

"But if the spell you did makes it permanent I don't understand why you'd need to."

"Because I don't know if it's the same spell or not, it might be something in the magic itself, or it could be a side effect of the spell."

"There is something we can do," Wesley interjected. "To be certain. I researched it once Willow told me her findings. It would not alter or weaken Willow's spell, if anything it might even bind Angel's soul more securely."

"Okay."

"But we want to make sure you understand the risks, Buffy. He'll be ingesting a poison."

"A poison?"

"Yes, a poison. He would be rendered unconscious and would have to remain that way for seventy-two hours."

"Three days," Angel interjected.

"Three days," Wesley repeated.

"So you'd be killing him again? Is that what you're telling me? He has to die all over again?"

"He would not die and would be no deader than he already is, Buffy. He would essentially be sleeping for three days while the poison ran through his system and bound his soul. There's something else."

Buffy glanced at Angel, who was no longer meeting her eyes. "Angel?"

"He would have to have blood to bring him out of this state."

"Okay, so we'll get him blood."

"A lot of blood, Buffy. He'll be coming to with the hunger a vampire has when he's first risen."

"So I'll give him my blood. No problem, I've done it before."

"And you almost died, Buffy," Angel said gruffly.

"So he drinks this poison, goes to the sleep of the dead for three days, I wake him up with my blood and the soul is permanent, right? We can make with the happiness, in and out of bed, all we want?"

"Yes."

"I want to do it. It's my decision, it's my blood I'm offering. You can all come into the room when I do it and pull him off of me if he doesn't stop."

"Buffy," Angel said meeting her gaze.

"Angel, it's worth it to me. Isn't it to you?"

"Not if you die again, no."

"I won't die. I won't like seeing you lay there unmoving for three days, but I want to do it."

"Willow, is there anyone you can contact to inquire after the spell? Anyone from Miss Calendar's clan still existing?"

"I don't know that they would tell me, Angel."

Angel looked into Willow's eyes. "Find out, Willow. There's something that's bothered me ever since you restored my soul, it never really bothered me when I was without it for those months."

"What's that?" Buffy asked.

"Why would they restore my soul only to put such a condition on it? You would think they would never want me to lose it. I mean, I could have gone off and been happy two days later and all their hard work would have been ruined. It was supposed to be a punishment; I was supposed to live with my wrongdoings. Why should the demon be rewarded in the event of my true happiness?"

"He has a point," Wesley said with a nod. "It does seem rather contradictory. Perhaps they've improved or revised the spell and the one you used, Willow, no longer has that as part of it."

"If we can't get in touch with anyone by tomorrow morning, so long as Buffy is willing to take the other avenue I am too. But I want to be chained when you go to feed me, Buffy, and I want you all there with crossbows at the ready," Angel said to Wesley.

"Done," Wesley said simply.

"Angel," Buffy whispered.

"I just don't want to kill you, Buffy. You don't know what the hunger is like and what it can cause you to do."

"I've still got Miss Calendar's files saved on the computer at home."

"Well, that's not going to do us any good, Will," Buffy said a little frustrated.

"No problem, I can dial-in to that computer and get to them. I think there were some names and numbers on it, I can't remember any more, it's been a while since I went through her things."

"You can do that?"

"Yup, easy as pie, I'll get right to it."

"Thanks, Will."

"No problem, Buffy. I kinda figure I owe you one, or two," she said and Buffy smiled.

"You do this, Will, and you can call us even."

"Let me get crackin' then."

"Right, I'll continue to research and see if we can come up with another alternative."

"Thanks guys," Buffy said and went to sit on Angel's lap. Her arm went around his neck and she kissed him. "Are you thinking about changing your mind?"

"No," he said with a shake of his head, nuzzling her cheek with his. "Is Spike all right?"

"He'll be fine. I told him there might even be a room for him at the mansion."

Angel kissed along her jaw lightly until he got to her ear. "You think I'd allow that?"

"I think you would, yes. If for no other reason than Dawn's safety. Like I told Spike, who'd dare come mess with our house with the Slayer, a vampire and a witch living there?"

"I suppose you have a point. Do you trust him?"

"I do, Angel. I don't know that he even really loves me, or if he just became fixated on me for some reason. Wanting to get back at you maybe? I'm not sure. But I know he cares about Dawn and he'd protect her until he was dust. And, she's at that age where boys will be coming around."

"Oh yeah, I sort of forgot about that. She might prefer Spike to me in that regard."

"The possessive Daddy, you mean?"

"Yeah, I'd have no problem letting them know what I am."

"She'd hate you," Buffy said. It was easy to picture in her mind Angel coming down the stairs in game face to meet Dawn's prom date. Not that Spike would let a boy think they could get away with anything where Dawn was concerned; he would just be less obvious about it.

"Exactly," he said and Buffy yawned. "You tired?"

"Mm, yeah. Busy day. Training, sparring, patrolling."

"Do you want to sleep in here tonight?"

"No," she said softly with a shake of her head. "I want to sleep in my room. It's a great room, I'd hate to let all that hard work go to waste."

"Right," he said moving to stand.

"Are you going to carry me?"

"I was thinking about it, yes."

"That's nice," she said sleepily. "You're going to stay with me, right?"

"I don't know that I'm going to sleep tonight, Buffy. But I'll stay in our rooms."

"Okay, it's not quite the same, but okay."

"I'll lay down with you until you fall asleep."

"You read my mind," she said as he placed her on the bed. "I need to get ready for bed, though. I should shower."

"Buffy, you're tired."

"I don't want you to smell me."

"You smell fine, Buffy."

"You say that now," she said scrunching her nose.

"You are impossible sometimes, Buffy."

She knelt on the bed and skimmed her hands along the length of his chest. "But that's what you love about me, isn't it?"

He closed the distance between their mouths and kissed her. "It's one of the things I love about you, yes."

"I'll be right out, I promise."

"Okay," he grumbled.

Part 7

It was late the next afternoon when Willow rushed into the training room. Buffy sat in a chair watching the two vampires in her life spar. It was sort of strange to watch them spar instead of try to kill one another, or her as the case had sometimes been as well. Both vampires stopped, it was no secret to Spike anymore what they were doing so he knew just as well as Angel and Buffy did what Willow coming in here could mean.

"I finally got a hold of someone," Willow said.

"That would be my cue," Spike said, wiping his brow with the back of his hand. "I'll leave you to talk shop," Spike said and left the room without another word. Buffy glanced in Angel's direction, but his facial expression told her nothing. She had woken that morning to find Spike in Angel's room talking with him. She had no idea what they talked about, but assumed by their sparring together it had at least been cordial. She hoped so, because she could not cut Spike out of her life. If they could not get past their problems that was their deal, but she was not going to kick Spike out when he did not fit in anywhere anymore. Not after what he had done for her and for Dawn.

"So, what did you find out?" Buffy asked.

"I finally managed to get a hold of someone in the Kalderash clan willing to talk with me. You wouldn't believe how many hung up on me."

"We'd believe it," Buffy said, trying not to get her hopes up. She really was not overly fond of the idea of having to give Angel blood again, but if she had to she would. It did not seem fair that he would have to suffer and she did not.

"Okay, well, yeah, I suppose it does make sense. So, I went over the spell I did and explained what we want to do but not why of course," Willow said with a shrug. "The woman seemed a little pleased, actually, it seems that Miss Calendar wasn't the first the clan had sent to keep an eye on you."

"Okay, so can we do it or not?"

"No," Willow said with a frown.

"Are you sure? Do you trust this woman?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know what she'd have to gain by lying to me. She wouldn't want me to do anything to cause him to lose it."

"True," Buffy said, biting her lower lip lightly.

"She could not tell me if the spell I did was different than the one done originally, so I have no way of knowing if the soul is permanent. So, I guess we go the other route if you still want to."

"Buffy," Angel said, closing the distance between them. "Are you sure about this? I mean, that you want me? This isn't another attempt merely to feel better, is it?"

"No, how can you ask me that? And besides, is your soul becoming permanent a bad thing?"

"Well, no, it'd piss Wolfram & Hart off, which is almost worth it in its own right but I'm just making sure."

"Having you will make me feel better, Angel, so sure that's why I want to do it. But not in the way you think, I just refuse to be miserable anymore. If you want to stay here in LA, we can see each other when we can and that's better than what we've been doing since you moved."

"Are you sure that'll be enough for you?"

"It will have to be, won't it? It's better than nothing. If it weren't for Dawn I'd be tempted to move up here."

"There are private schools," Angel said.

"Angel, let's get through this part and then work on the other things."

"Go get what you need, Willow."

"Okay," she said with a smile. She did not appear to be surprised that she was going on this errand.

"So," Buffy said her arms going around Angel's neck. "What do you want to do until she gets back?"

"Well, I don't know," he said, grazing her cheek with the pad of a thumb. "It would be kind of rude to stay to ourselves, but if I'm going to be sleeping the sleep of the undead for the next three days I want to spend the rest of the afternoon with you and only you."

"We're going to change," he said as he walked past the front desk.

"Spike's in there," Cordelia said.

"Thanks, Cordy, but it's not like he hasn't seen me change before."

"A little too much information." Angel grimaced but decided it was probably best not to beat the subject to death. Cordy and Wesley would not be surprised by some of the things he could talk about from his days pre-soul, but Gunn and Fred might be shocked. Angel knew there some things better left untouched.

Angel and Buffy entered his room surprised to see Spike kneeling on his bed. "No offense, Spike, but what are you doing?"

"You want to set these up yourself and take the chance you set them up wrong?"

"I think I could manage, Spike," Angel said as Buffy went into her room, closing the door between their rooms.

"Yeah, I'm sure you can, but I'd like to be doubly certain if Red's mojo doesn't work and you go soulless again that these are going to hold you." Angel watched as Spike slid off the bed and approached him. "Because if you go soulless and kill her, I'll be first in line with the crossbow to see the deed she could not do when Angelus last reared his head gets done."

"Are you threatening me, Spike?"

"Just stating the facts, mate. I may not like her choice, I may hate you for it, but she's made her choice and I have to respect that. I'm willing to get along with you, but only because of her. And be certain if you screw up I'll be there in a heartbeat to fix her."

Angel patted Spike's chest gently, smiling wryly at his grandchilde. "I'm not going to screw it up. You haven't seen me lately, Spike, I have been on the verge of letting Angelus come out to play even with the soul. I wouldn't have chased after her when I was the one who left, but I'm not fool enough to turn her away. And if Willow's poison thing works, all the better."

"I hope you can't get the shackles off when it's all done," Spike said sardonically. "They're set up. I guess I'd better get the drill back before they wonder what I needed with it; probably think I was vandalizing the place. Are you planning on telling them?"

"No reason to tell them, really."

"You don't think they might want to know that you're going to be unconscious for three days and there's the chance Angelus may make an appearance when you come to?"

"No, because Buffy will stop me, and you'll be within earshot so if anything goes wrong it'll be taken care of promptly."

"Got that right, I could think of better ways to spend my evening than listening to the two of you go at it. Just don't hurt her."

"Spike, I think this talk is a little late, she's not a virgin anymore."

"No, you saw to that. I didn't mean physically, Peaches, I meant mentally. You did a number on her, whether she's admitted it to you or not, Angelus' attitude towards her after that night left her ego pretty battered."

"I find it hard to believe that's still the case."

"Did you actually see Finn?"

"Yeah, a couple of times."

"You think a woman whose first experience had gone well would have turned to him? Come on, he's about as exciting as watching paint dry. At least the bloke that used her had a bit of personality to him."

"What are you talking about?"

Spike's eyes widened and Angel was left wondering just how much about Buffy and her life Spike knew that Angel had no clue about. "She didn't tell you?"

Angel grabbed him by the shirtfront and drew him to him, game face in place. "Tell me now, Spike my boy and I'll try and go easy on you three nights from now knowing you're listening. Maybe if you're real good I will see if she'll let you watch."

"Oh bugger off, I wouldn't want to watch the two of you," Spike said breaking free of Angel's grasp. He smoothed down the front of his shirt and stood tall. "He was just some college bloke. You know the type, troll the new co-eds on campus, chose her, reeled her in and spit her out as soon as he was done with her. Did a number on her, but that was in part due to her trying too hard to get over you."

"Are there others?"

"Not that I know of, no. It was just that kid and White Bread. Listen to you, mate, didn't you and Darla hook up recently? So you can go on shagging, but she's supposed to be the virgin-like chosen one, dressed in white and pure for the rest of her life in your honor?"

"No, I just didn't know. Did he make her happy?"

"Who, the kid or White Bread?"

"Finn."

"No, you ninny, he was paying vamp whores to feed off him. He didn't deserve her, he was an idiot. He wanted her to change, couldn't accept her being the Slayer, being stronger than him. He could not accept you, could not accept that she did not kill me and god forbid actually treated me like a man instead of a monster. He had a problem with acceptance for the most part and he was boring and dull. I've had more fun driving through the state of Iowa he hails from than the excitement he ever seemed to arouse in Buffy. I can't imagine he shagged much better either. She certainly didn't get all googly eyed about him like she's always done with you."

"I left to give her the chance at a normal life."

"Angel, who are you to judge what's normal for her? She's not a normal human. You can't look at the bint who works here and think what's normal and works for her is going to be normal and work for Buffy. Like you said, you left once and weren't going to backpedal. She's come back; you'd be a fool not to snap her up. If you don't I will. She wants the darkness, Angel, she wants the monster."

Angel cringed slightly at Spike's words. He not only did not like thinking of himself as a monster, but he did not like the idea that Buffy wanted that. But Spike had a point; she had given the normal life a try. Maybe Finn did not work out and maybe there was a human out there who could offer her a normal life who it could work with, but Angel was not going to push her away a second time. "I was not as willing to give her the benefit of the doubt on that when she was eighteen as I am now."

"Well, look who's waking up and smelling the coffee, Peaches. I'll leave you to your changing now and whatever else you planned on doing in here together before Red comes back to do her thing. Buy myself a bottle of Jack for when you come to in three days and I have to watch you two together."

"Oh come on, Spike, it won't be that bad."

Spike scoffed. "Right, you want to trade seats, Peaches? Participant for spectator slash watch dog and tell me how unbad you think it would be?"

"No one's asking you to be the watch dog, Spike."

"Yeah, well, as Buffy says, love makes you do the whacky. I'm not leaving until I know she's safe with you. Sorry, that's the way it's going to be. Unless you believe anyone else here can take Angelus out?"

"Besides Buffy, no," Angel said somewhat apologetically.

"Didn't think so, and I think we need to have someone in case you get past her. At least she thought of the chains, I give her credit for that. That shows she's thinking with her head instead of other parts."

Angel was quiet, there was really nothing to say. The only way Angelus would get past Buffy was if he killed her, Spike had left that part unsaid but both vampires knew what he meant. "I'll see you in three days then," Angel said.

"I hope so, Peaches. That's not true I don't really, but for the Slayer's sake, just want her happy for a change."

"Me, too."

"You know, I actually believe you, which is why I'm not doing something poofy like challenging you to a duel or anything. I don't want your discards, and she wouldn't come to me if I killed you so that wouldn't do me any good."

"Right, like you wouldn't take her if I sent her back to Sunnydale?"

"Two days ago I would have, Peaches. I'm not going to compete with you for her affections, I'd lose. You've got a soul, all I've got is the chip her ex and his cronies put in me. You win. Again. And on that note, I'm out of here. I'm not sure whether to wish you good luck, and I'm sure there's a performance jibe I could make given it's been a while for you and I'm sure there's gonna be some anxiety because of the soul and all. But I'm just not of the mind right now to make with the jibes," Spike said and left the room.

Part 8

"Where's Wesley? And are you ready, Spike?" Buffy asked.

"As ready as I'm going to be and the rogue Watcher will be down in a minute."

"I really don't like the idea of you and Wesley standing there with crossbows either he stopped last time, but I understand."

"Yeah, only after you were rendered unconscious, Buffy," Cordelia said.

"I wouldn't let him die and he won't let me die."

"That's some relationship the two of you have," Gunn said.

Buffy shrugged, tying her hair back. She would start off with her wrist, letting the blood drip into Angel's mouth to bring him around. Spike had told her it would take longer from her wrist so she would offer her neck once he came to. She was scared as much as she tried to hide it and knew Spike was aware of her fear. That was probably the reason he was refraining from making any biting comments about now. "I don't know what to tell you. I thought that is what love was supposed to be like."

Wesley walked into the room then. "I see we're all gathered and ready."

"Yeah, let's go get this done with," Buffy said glancing at the clock. "It's time."

Wesley and Spike grabbed crossbows and went about loading them while Buffy went to Angel's room. He had been in the bed for three days now. She had read to him, talked to him, washed him and kissed him during that time. She slept in a chair next to the bed unwilling to sleep with him in the state he was in but not willing to be a room away from him either.

The few hours they had together before Willow and Wesley had been able to get the poison made had been incredible. They had kissed, touched and teased one another to the point of danger, both knew it but neither was able to stop from seeking sanctuary in one another not knowing what was to come. Willow had looked at Buffy with understanding and empathy when they had come to administer the poison. Spike had put the shackles around Angel's wrists because Buffy had been unable to do it. Today she could have done it, but she had not seen it necessary to keep him chained for three days when he was unconscious. Wesley and Willow agreed that it was best to exercise caution throughout the entire process.

She knelt above him on the bed aware of people behind her. They were all there and she did not bother to protest, it was not often they got to witness a human, the Slayer, willingly offering her blood to a vampire. Hopefully, this would be the last time she would have to do it. She glanced at the bedside clock and waited for the last few minutes to pass by. She was taking no chances that even a minute too soon would affect the outcome.

He looked dreadfully pale, Wesley had not warned her about that probably assuming she was aware of the physical repercussions three days of not feeding would have on him. Finally, the clock turned and she took the blade from the bedside table. "Spike," she whispered. "I can't do it, please do it for me."

"What, pet?"

"Cut my wrist," she said. "My hand's shaking too badly I'm afraid I'll do it wrong."

"Oh sure, right," he said and walked toward her after setting the still loaded crossbow down. "You'll be fine, Slayer," he whispered and kissed the top of her head before taking the blade and drawing it across her flesh.

"Ahh," she cried out as the sting of the silver blade cutting into her seared through her.

"I'm sorry, pet," Spike said. "All done, hurry now," he added before stepping away.

"Thank you," she whispered, tears forming in her eyes as she placed her wrist above Angel's mouth. "Gunn is here, right," she whispered as she turned her wrist around so the blood could drip into Angel's mouth.

"Yes, Slayer, he's here."

"Tell him to man your crossbow I want you by me."

"You heard the lady," Spike said and Buffy knew he would see that it was done. He placed a hand at her shoulder and she jumped slightly at the contact so focused on the droplets of blood making their way to Angel's lips and into his mouth. He had not come to yet, so far the blood was just dripping into his mouth with no reaction from him.

"Good, thanks," she said and gasped slightly when she saw Angel's throat begin to swallow. It was slight, but she felt Spike's hand at her shoulder tense so knew it was not a figment of her imagination. Spike had seen it, too.

"It's working," she heard Spike say.

Suddenly, Angel's hand grabbed her wrist and brought it violently to his mouth. Something akin to a roar was heard as he morphed into game face and clamped down on the wound. "Uhh," she cried out when she felt his fangs cut through her skin, imbedding into her. Her head fell back, stopped from going too far by Spike's chest. "When should I switch," she asked.

"I'll let you know when, pet," Spike whispered.

She closed her eyes and gave into the sensation of Angel feeding off of her. He had aroused the same feelings in her the last time they had done this. Suddenly, she was not so comfortable having an audience. And then he was no longer feeding and she felt the loss of contact immediately. Her wrist was still bleeding, the warm feeling from the blood trickling onto her wrist was nothing compared to the loss she felt from his breaking contact. She opened her eyes not sure what was going on. Why had he stopped? And why was she upset he had?

"Now, Slayer," Buffy heard Spike say distantly even though he was still just behind her. "Now," he repeated, "before he goes back to the wrist."

She drew her wrist away which was answered with another primal roar; the demon was apparently not pleased at the loss of its source of sustenance. "Angel," she whispered and leaned toward her love. She straddled him, it was the only way she could offer him her neck comfortably. And she needed the complete contact with him, body against body. "Drink from me, baby," she practically crooned. She was no longer scared of what he might do to her, she wanted it, needed it and that brought out a new fear in her. She tilted her head and let the side of her neck come into contact with his mouth.

She suspected he was not fully aware, his eyes had yet to open and he had yet to move beyond grabbing her wrist and drawing it to his mouth. And that response was instinctual, he was hungry. She felt him graze her neck with his tongue and then his fangs. She was tempted to ask Spike what he was doing but Angel reaching for her neck with his hand; drawing her to his mouth again and biting down gave her the answer she was looking for. Pain soared through her at first and she cried out, but soon the pain gave way to a perverse feeling of pleasure and her cries took on a different tone.

Distantly, she was aware of her hand being lifted away and someone in the room shouting, "what in the hell are you doing?" And then she felt a tongue graze over the wound at her wrist.

"Stay away from him," she cried out in a voice that sounded foreign even to her. She had no idea what she was saying, why she was saying it or even to whom she just knew she did not want the contact broken. "Just stay away from him."

"I'm not going to hurt her," Spike said. Who was he talking to? Oh yeah, there were people in the room. "I'm just closing the wound, because Peaches won't do it," she heard Spike say and then felt a tongue at her wrist again.

"You're as delicious as I knew you would be, Slayer," Spike whispered intimately causing Buffy to shiver. He said nothing else and released her hand to step away from the bed leaving her with Angel.

Angel's hands were moving along the length of her body. Did he know in his state of mind that she was more than food? Apparently he must because his hands sought out more intimate parts of her, the curve of her breasts, hips, bottom and the juncture between her legs. Buffy was not of the mind to be embarrassed about the show the others were being privy to she was too lost in the sensations. She remembered now that she had climaxed like never before, or since, the last time Angel did this. And she was close to reaching that point again. What did that make her? Was she some sort of freak that she got off on something like this? That was probably a question better left unasked. She realized that Angel and Spike would give her an entirely different answer than Giles, Wesley and Riley would.

She felt herself becoming weaker and he was still feeding aggressively. She heard the growls coming from his chest, felt he was getting as aroused by this as she was, and when a hand slid between their bodies and stroked her through her pants she knew he was aware of her mutual arousal. It also confirmed that he knew she was not just a food source; he was too gentle with her for it to be anything else.

She had no idea what she was saying, was only aware that her mouth was open and sounds were coming out. She would probably be dreadfully embarrassed later, but for now she could not find it in herself to care. Her hand found and held the bed's headboard for dear life. Her hand clen